IRON MAN 2
IRON MAN 2
May 23 2010, Regal Broadway Metroplex
Used my last gift pass (thanks again, Suzie) to deepen my cultural literacy and get my Downey jollies, and I'm kind of glad I didn't pay, but I do wish that I'd seen it in a better theater, a little closer to the screen. Maybe it would have had a deeper impact instead of just mostly making me giggle a lot and renew my love of Mickey Rourke. I'd sure like to see that car-race confrontation in IMAX or something. For some reason, the Broadway didn't have the volume up very high for this film, and that's both a shame and incomprehensibly stupid. Why would you not make this movie as loud as possible? It's IRON MAN for chrissake! It's all about loudness and machinery and... oh, whatever.
I enjoyed it, for sure, though I'm not entirely convinced of its "good"-ness, of which the first IRON MAN displays without a scintilla of doubt. I love me some IRON MAN. I think it's brilliant. IRON MAN 2? Well, it'll do. The story's great, but it lacks something... stakes, or something. It's a good character arc for Tony Stark, though not for anybody else. That's kind of a shame. He shouldn't be the only character who develops. Oh well. I noticed something else about it, though - it's one of the only movies I can think of where you can't heckle the movie, or snark on it; the heckling and snark is actually written directly into the screenplay. And somehow it works better than when they tried to do that in the Lost finale, maybe because I actually like IRON MAN.
RDJr. is fantastic, as usual. Co-starring John Slattery as Tony's dad, Howard Stark - it's so weird to see him with dark hair! But he, of course, is fantastic. Sam Rockwell is fantastic as usual (though, damn, what a thoroughly loathsome character - but the 3-piece suit he's wearing is hilarious). Don Cheadle is pretty good, though this role is almost insultingly low-intensity for him; it was a waste to cast him when any black man would have done just as well. No seriously. Anybody could have done this role. They could have got Common, or Leonard Roberts ... actually, Leonard Roberts would have been great! *sigh* Anyway. Mickey Rourke is superb, and startlingly cute, and I don't know how he made that possible; has he had some of his plastic surgery disaster corrected in the intervening years? And yet, his character, Ivan Vanko, really isn't developed all that well; he needs revenge, he's very clever, he loves parrots... and that's kind of it. Whatever other facets there are were added by the polishing stones of Rourke, and damn, he's good. I just could not see him as a villain. Oh well. Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson enjoys his small role, and quilted-lapel leather swing coat, as Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and get that son of a bitch his own movie already! And now... the ladies. Somehow, between the time that the first film was made and the second film, Gwyneth Paltrow decided that instead of a brusque tough cookie, Pepper Potts should instead be a shrill, whiny, self-centered cunt. In the first film, I could actually understand why Tony Stark would fall for Pepper Potts. IRON MAN original recipe Pepper was actually a seriously likeable character. IRON MAN 2? I wanted to slap her in the face with a Formula One car. Or maybe with one of Whiplash's groovy current whips. Anything to shut her up and get her off my screen. It doesn't help that the 5" Louboutins that she's wearing are so obviously uncomfortable that it took me completely out of any scene where they shared screentime. UGH! Fail, costumers. Fail, Screenwriter Theroux (unless he secretly hates Gwyneth as much as I do, and wanted to give her a character that's closer to her actual persona - but even so, FAIL). Counteracting her vinegar is the weird honey of Scarlett Johanssen as Black Widow, a.k.a. Natalie Rushman, a.k.a. Natasha Romanoff, a.k.a. 10 pounds of curves in a 5-pound-capacity bodysuit, a.k.a. actual sex appeal, since Gwyneth doesn't have it, a.k.a. Masturbation Fodder. She's not very good in the role, actually. She mumbles. She's good at the fixed stare of "Perhaps I want to fuck you," but in terms of actual character building, she scores well below the minimum requirement as exemplified by Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian. She is not a character designed to appeal to women in the slightest, and again, FAIL, Mr. Screenwriter Theroux. Do better next time. Just because she's spank material doesn't mean that she shouldn't have a real role, whether or not she's actually capable of performing it; just because this is a "fanboy" movie doesn't mean that the chicks aren't going to turn out to see Robert Downey Motherfucking Jr. and his sick body. And his face. And... *sigh* anyway. Learn something sometime. Other cool small roles: the horrific half-melted spectre that is Garry Shandling (who is still pretty damn funny. He must be personal friends with Mr. Screenwriter Theroux, because it's the only excuse for him being in this and ZOOLANDER). Now-dead DJ AM (who is also half melted... sorry, bad joke. Couldn't help it; already going to hell). That whore Stan Lee. Mr. Director Jon Favreau, who is in the movie just to look like a tool and get beat up (which is kind of cool, now that I think about it). For some reason, again probably because of a personal acquaintance, Jack White of the Dead Weather and some other band I guess. And Clark Gregg, who has something to do with some movie coming out directed by Kenneth Branagh, and it's got a hammer in it? I dunno. Whatever.
So yeah, glad I didn't pay, will gladly see a second time, but I need some time away first. Might be a good one to use for a 2nd run theater summer heat avoidance with beer experience.
May 23 2010, Regal Broadway Metroplex
Used my last gift pass (thanks again, Suzie) to deepen my cultural literacy and get my Downey jollies, and I'm kind of glad I didn't pay, but I do wish that I'd seen it in a better theater, a little closer to the screen. Maybe it would have had a deeper impact instead of just mostly making me giggle a lot and renew my love of Mickey Rourke. I'd sure like to see that car-race confrontation in IMAX or something. For some reason, the Broadway didn't have the volume up very high for this film, and that's both a shame and incomprehensibly stupid. Why would you not make this movie as loud as possible? It's IRON MAN for chrissake! It's all about loudness and machinery and... oh, whatever.
I enjoyed it, for sure, though I'm not entirely convinced of its "good"-ness, of which the first IRON MAN displays without a scintilla of doubt. I love me some IRON MAN. I think it's brilliant. IRON MAN 2? Well, it'll do. The story's great, but it lacks something... stakes, or something. It's a good character arc for Tony Stark, though not for anybody else. That's kind of a shame. He shouldn't be the only character who develops. Oh well. I noticed something else about it, though - it's one of the only movies I can think of where you can't heckle the movie, or snark on it; the heckling and snark is actually written directly into the screenplay. And somehow it works better than when they tried to do that in the Lost finale, maybe because I actually like IRON MAN.
RDJr. is fantastic, as usual. Co-starring John Slattery as Tony's dad, Howard Stark - it's so weird to see him with dark hair! But he, of course, is fantastic. Sam Rockwell is fantastic as usual (though, damn, what a thoroughly loathsome character - but the 3-piece suit he's wearing is hilarious). Don Cheadle is pretty good, though this role is almost insultingly low-intensity for him; it was a waste to cast him when any black man would have done just as well. No seriously. Anybody could have done this role. They could have got Common, or Leonard Roberts ... actually, Leonard Roberts would have been great! *sigh* Anyway. Mickey Rourke is superb, and startlingly cute, and I don't know how he made that possible; has he had some of his plastic surgery disaster corrected in the intervening years? And yet, his character, Ivan Vanko, really isn't developed all that well; he needs revenge, he's very clever, he loves parrots... and that's kind of it. Whatever other facets there are were added by the polishing stones of Rourke, and damn, he's good. I just could not see him as a villain. Oh well. Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson enjoys his small role, and quilted-lapel leather swing coat, as Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and get that son of a bitch his own movie already! And now... the ladies. Somehow, between the time that the first film was made and the second film, Gwyneth Paltrow decided that instead of a brusque tough cookie, Pepper Potts should instead be a shrill, whiny, self-centered cunt. In the first film, I could actually understand why Tony Stark would fall for Pepper Potts. IRON MAN original recipe Pepper was actually a seriously likeable character. IRON MAN 2? I wanted to slap her in the face with a Formula One car. Or maybe with one of Whiplash's groovy current whips. Anything to shut her up and get her off my screen. It doesn't help that the 5" Louboutins that she's wearing are so obviously uncomfortable that it took me completely out of any scene where they shared screentime. UGH! Fail, costumers. Fail, Screenwriter Theroux (unless he secretly hates Gwyneth as much as I do, and wanted to give her a character that's closer to her actual persona - but even so, FAIL). Counteracting her vinegar is the weird honey of Scarlett Johanssen as Black Widow, a.k.a. Natalie Rushman, a.k.a. Natasha Romanoff, a.k.a. 10 pounds of curves in a 5-pound-capacity bodysuit, a.k.a. actual sex appeal, since Gwyneth doesn't have it, a.k.a. Masturbation Fodder. She's not very good in the role, actually. She mumbles. She's good at the fixed stare of "Perhaps I want to fuck you," but in terms of actual character building, she scores well below the minimum requirement as exemplified by Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian. She is not a character designed to appeal to women in the slightest, and again, FAIL, Mr. Screenwriter Theroux. Do better next time. Just because she's spank material doesn't mean that she shouldn't have a real role, whether or not she's actually capable of performing it; just because this is a "fanboy" movie doesn't mean that the chicks aren't going to turn out to see Robert Downey Motherfucking Jr. and his sick body. And his face. And... *sigh* anyway. Learn something sometime. Other cool small roles: the horrific half-melted spectre that is Garry Shandling (who is still pretty damn funny. He must be personal friends with Mr. Screenwriter Theroux, because it's the only excuse for him being in this and ZOOLANDER). Now-dead DJ AM (who is also half melted... sorry, bad joke. Couldn't help it; already going to hell). That whore Stan Lee. Mr. Director Jon Favreau, who is in the movie just to look like a tool and get beat up (which is kind of cool, now that I think about it). For some reason, again probably because of a personal acquaintance, Jack White of the Dead Weather and some other band I guess. And Clark Gregg, who has something to do with some movie coming out directed by Kenneth Branagh, and it's got a hammer in it? I dunno. Whatever.
So yeah, glad I didn't pay, will gladly see a second time, but I need some time away first. Might be a good one to use for a 2nd run theater summer heat avoidance with beer experience.