Piece of Heaven
Title: Piece of Heaven
Author: jemnise
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bestfriends. Fell in love. What more? Oh. There's someone else.
Characters: GD.TOP.SEUNGRI.YB.
Author Notes: TOOK SO DAMN LONG. me struggle for a bleeding Ri. LOLOL XD so yea. i think this was requested by oxygenlove my fishbrain tells me so. dang too bad I am total >phail I don't know where would this thing leads me. But whatever. Just, BLEEDING BABY. O.o *gets stoned* oops. and you know what? I just think that Heaven is a GTOP song. FOR REAL. one fancam tells me so. dang. its not even uploaded in YT. so forgive me LOL XD (And i realized, its been a damn wile since I wrote something GTOP -___-)
Writing.
Writing more.
Crumple. Then Throw it away.
And then write more.
Write again.
Crumple. Throw again.
That's what you had been doing for the past couple of hours. What you had been not doing for the past couple of hours is really the thing you should be doing. To write new songs since you failed to pass a couple of songs to your boss for two weeks straight.
But what you had in mind for the past couple of weeks is more than your boss' words, orders.
More than anything else.
you went out of your room, found yourself alone in the living room trying to find some muses for you to be able to write.
Write something, anything.
And maybe forget the idea, forget the thought, forget him.
Forget them.
"Hey Ji, up so late?" his voice sent shivers down your spine, sent chills all over your body. you jumped a little, almost forgetting
the fact the you were holding a glass of water.
"Hyung!" you whined as you wiped the water off your lips and chin, and noticed that your hyung is chuckling like crazy.
"Aigoo, so cute!" he walked past you, open the fridge and get his ice cream.
Something's wrong you thought.
"Depressed?" You asked out of nowhere.
"Yea." He said that single word while looking at you, his eyes were screaming gloominess but his lips said otherwise.
He was smiling.
A fake one.
"Hyung... tell me, what's wrong?" You uttered, not certain if you really wanted to hear his answer.
He just stood there, grinning like an idiot as he took another spoonful of that cold thing onto his mouth. You saw him cringe with the coldness, but instead of chuckling or laughing you got worried that you walk to where he was, handed him the glass of water that you were holding.
"Idiot" You muttered as you helped yourself in sitting on the table. You don't know why, you are confused yourself on why you were there. You had to work yet you found yourself watching him eat, and maybe waiting for him to open up.
The thing he usually does... before.
"SeungHyun-ah... you should be happy." you mutter. You don't know what's going on now, even in your own head. Everything's mixed up, everything is just going hella crazy inside you.
"I wanted to" You hear him say that. You know you did. But the moment that those words escaped is lips, he was looking at you that you didn't notice the sounds around you. If he did make one, if it was audible enough.
You smiled to yourself, thought about the next words you will say but you just got stuck. You got stuck staring at him, you got stuck trying to check if he was still the same SeungHyun. The same SeungHyun you like.
And yes you admitted that to yourself that moment.
"Ji..." He muttered as he put back the lid of the ice cream pint, put the spoon in the sink and then he faced you, that smile plastered on his face. "Thank You."
"Eh?" you thought you were crazy but him saying thank you out of nowhere is just a crazier thought.
"Thank you for everything. Thank You for... SeungRi" So that's why. He's thanking you for SeungRi. For everything that you've done for him to love the kid because you know very well that the kid loves him. And you do nothing but to let it go even before you can hold him in your arms. Because you're a good hyung. You're a good person. You strive hard for the good of others.
And totally forgetting yourself.
"No problem hyung" It was the time for you to fake a smile. After putting back the pint inside the freezer, SeungHyun faced you again, the smile is nowhere in sight anymore. Your heart started to beat fast, your insides started to go gaga. Again you don't know why. You want to ask all of them why, but that is just pure idiotic.
"But... I'm not happy." His stare lingered. That even though he walked away, went back to his room, you can still see him, his eyes looking at you. Scrutinizing you. What you've done. You just... did the right thing.
Right?
----
You woke up that morning finding two pieces of paper on your desk. It wasn't yours and you know it very well. You try reading the title. You had to rub your eyes, pinch your cheeks and look at it again. For you are very sure that this is not your paper, that this is not your handwriting, that you didn't do these songs last night.
because you weren't even able to finish the chorus of the first song.
You went out of your room in a hurry, found YoungBae doing push ups, DaeSung in his apron washing the dishes.
"Dude, did you do this?" You asked YoungBae waving the paper in front of his face.
"Goodmorning Ji" he said sarcastically as he stood up and snatched the papers from your hands. He carefully examined it, and came up with a very certain conclusion. "Ji, are you being stupid? Only one guy here has that kid of writing. And besides, I am damn busy learning new stuffs for our Japan activities to even bother write"
You raise a brow at him as you snatched back the papers, papers that could spare you from your boss repercussion. And then the thought came, sanity came rushing back in the curls of your brain.
"Yaa hyung! You should thank TOP hyung, he made those" SeungRi's voice echoed in the four corners of their humble home .
"Wha--?" you asked as you turned around and see the kid brushing his teeth with that awfully wide grin plastered on his face. He's happy. SeungHyun hyung isn't. And you wonder why.
----
he wasn't there. He wasn't there with you in the office when you presented the songs. Your boss had this huge smile on his face as he was reading the lyrics. He wasn't there when you lied about asking for his help to come up with those songs. He wasn't there when you walked out of that office, burdened and worried. he wasn't there to see you all fidgety, just because thoughts storm inside your head so had.
The questions, why? Kept bugging you like hell and it wasn't helping you in any way.
You wanted to call him, you wanted to ask him yourself. but for some reasons, you cannot do it anymore like you used to do. Because things changed.
Things drastically changed when you told him that SeungRi likes him. When you pushed him, literally and figuratively, to the young boy. You go away from him because you're doing them a favor. You're doing them a huge one.
And it was right, RIGHT?
"JiYong-ah!" You were pulled back from the deep thoughts you were into. YoungBae told you that its time to go home, so you just put everything in your bag, didn't even notice that you have 11 missed calls.
----
You're tired from practice, from lying, and lying more and thinking of him, and thinking of him more. That's why when you arrived home, you went straight to your room, ignoring the fact that Seung Hyun hyung said Hi to you and watched you enter your den. You just want to.. want to lie down.
You throw your things on the floor and soon, you threw yourself on your bed, your eyes wide open, your brain stopped functioning. But an image is stuck in your head.
His face, with those sad eyes, with those lips. Not smiling.
"What's wrong hyung?" You ask yourself that question. The question that only Seung Hyun hyung can answer.
You heard a knock, and then DaeSung's voice telling you that its time to eat. You didn't say no cause you're really hungry, so after changing some more comfortable clothes, you went out, sat on the seat located at the end of the table. Where you can clearly see SeungHyun who sits beside SeungRi. The seat which you occupied before.
But not now. you thought.
You steal glances at your hyung and figured out that he wasn't in his best mood. He wasn't speaking while the rest was laughing at SeungRi's cold joke. He wasn't smiling, he looked soaked. He looked extremely tired. And you wonder why. Is work really this tiring? You know it is, but there was something else. Something that is off.
And then he stood up and left, witout finishing half of his food.
Something is happening.
"Hyung... what's going on with SeungHyun hyung?" SeungRi asked as your gaze followed the older's back as he went out their apartment.
Up for smoke, again. You thought.
"Ji!" You hear Youngbae's words now, that you turned to him with your WTF face as SeungRi repeated his question.
"Hyung, what's going with SeungHyun hyung?" The kid looked damn worried. You know that for certain. You know that he tries hard to make SeungHyun happy, even a smile will do.
"I don't know Ri..." You mutter, stopping yourself from following him. From asking. From any contact with him Cause you know you're at the verge of it.
Of totally falling.
You stood up, took SeungHyun's plate with you, placed it on the sink and opted to go back in your room, but even before you were able to, SeungRi's hand stopped you.
"Hyung, please. He's not talking to me. He... please?" He was begging. And you're a friend right? you're a friend all the way. So you need to do this. You need to.
For SeungRi and SeungHyun.
You didn't utter a word. You just nodded as you get your jacket, and another one.
He would be freezing. Your conscience tells you.
You walked upstairs to find the door to the rooftop ajar. That alone was enough to know that your hyung was indeed there. You motioned quietly to his side, as he puffs smoke from his cancer stick. You put the jacket on his shoulder as you mutter; "SeungRi's worried"
You look at the nothingness of the sky, avoiding any contact.
"I called you, many times" he answered.
"I didn't notice. Something wrong? You want me to talk to SeungRi? Is it about him and YoungBae?" You're still not looking at him, but you feel that his stares are piercing your side.
"Nah... I just needed to talk to you. I was just exhausted. Can't we talk like before?" And you wanted to say no, cause its true. You can't be the same guy you were before. Things changed. Things drastcally changed. And you were the only one who noticed it. But your tongue betrays you, your heart betrays you, your hand betrayes you and took hold of his. Still, you are not looking at him.
Instead of pulling his hand from yours, he made sure its locked. he made sure that every finger fills the gap that both of your hands have. He made sure to move closer to you that you can feel his breath so near to your face. While you on the other side made sure to not break your contact with nothingness for you not to look at him.
"Sometimes I wonder, why SeungRi's hands don't feel comfortable... I guess I was so used to holding yours" You grinned. or maybe smirked. Or something in between. Finally you moved to face him, tried hard to shake his hand away from yours. but you failed miserably.
"SeungHyun, SeungRi's worried about you." You insisted.
He smiled and just turn to the nothingness you were gazing at a while ago. And you thought, maybe this was meant to be, maybe you should just enjoy this moment for after this, he would go back to SeungRi and things? Will go back to normal.
"Kwon Ji Yong. You proved your worth as a singer, composer, dancer, producer and a friend." He muttered, paused, took a deep breath and continued; "If i ask you to stop being a friend, will you do that? Cause I want you so bad. Not as a friend. More than that"
You feel your blood go up your brain, you feel your veins almost burst from the words he just said.
"Choi Seung Hyun, you shut up. You will go down and be with the kid" You don't want to say that. But you have to. For SeungRi. For SeungHyun.
"Did you even ask me... if i like him? Did you ji?" He asked, he's getting irritated from the tone of his voice. And you're getting frustrated because of what he said. You can't do this.
He was able to shake his hand away from SeungHyun as he answered;
"You know you do. I can tell it. You like the kid SeungHyun, just admit it." Assumptions. He adores the kid, that is no question at all. He likes him, he spends time with him lately. So you assumed. What you see is what you get right?
"I can't. I can't Ji." He turned around to look at you, the messed up you and continued; "Don't you like me? If you don't tell me now, I will leave. But don't expect me to with SeungRi. God knows, I would just hurt him"
You didn't answer. You don't know what to answer. You know nothing but your heart is pounding and your thoughts are SeungHyun
You stood there, frozen in time, thinking of saying: NO, I DON'T LOVE YOU.
But even before you could, he started walking away.
And then again, your body betrays you. You held onto his arms, pulled him closer and in a blink of an eye, you pressed your lips against his. You think he would push you away, but he didn't. Instead he pulled you closer. Closer. Until his arms are around your waist as your arms took hold of his neck. You played with his lips for a while until you felt his tongue trying to enter your mouth. You let him in without hesitations, having tongue fight had never been that awesome for you.
"I need my bestfriend Ji, I need you entirely.." He whispered in between kisses.
"I need you SeungHyun, more than anything" You answered as you caressed his shoulder blades, causing his jacket to fall on the ground.
When you let go, your forehead rested against his as you both took each other's breath. You thought this was wrong, but you didn't act upon the thought for it feels right. SeungHyun stole another kiss as tears fell down from his eyes. tears that had been wanting to fall since the other night.
"Tell me, what's going on?" You whispered.
"Work. And you pushing me away. Do you know how much it hurts?" And those words stabbed you.
Author: jemnise
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bestfriends. Fell in love. What more? Oh. There's someone else.
Characters: GD.TOP.SEUNGRI.YB.
Author Notes: TOOK SO DAMN LONG. me struggle for a bleeding Ri. LOLOL XD so yea. i think this was requested by oxygenlove my fishbrain tells me so. dang too bad I am total >phail I don't know where would this thing leads me. But whatever. Just, BLEEDING BABY. O.o *gets stoned* oops. and you know what? I just think that Heaven is a GTOP song. FOR REAL. one fancam tells me so. dang. its not even uploaded in YT. so forgive me LOL XD (And i realized, its been a damn wile since I wrote something GTOP -___-)
Writing.
Writing more.
Crumple. Then Throw it away.
And then write more.
Write again.
Crumple. Throw again.
That's what you had been doing for the past couple of hours. What you had been not doing for the past couple of hours is really the thing you should be doing. To write new songs since you failed to pass a couple of songs to your boss for two weeks straight.
But what you had in mind for the past couple of weeks is more than your boss' words, orders.
More than anything else.
you went out of your room, found yourself alone in the living room trying to find some muses for you to be able to write.
Write something, anything.
And maybe forget the idea, forget the thought, forget him.
Forget them.
"Hey Ji, up so late?" his voice sent shivers down your spine, sent chills all over your body. you jumped a little, almost forgetting
the fact the you were holding a glass of water.
"Hyung!" you whined as you wiped the water off your lips and chin, and noticed that your hyung is chuckling like crazy.
"Aigoo, so cute!" he walked past you, open the fridge and get his ice cream.
Something's wrong you thought.
"Depressed?" You asked out of nowhere.
"Yea." He said that single word while looking at you, his eyes were screaming gloominess but his lips said otherwise.
He was smiling.
A fake one.
"Hyung... tell me, what's wrong?" You uttered, not certain if you really wanted to hear his answer.
He just stood there, grinning like an idiot as he took another spoonful of that cold thing onto his mouth. You saw him cringe with the coldness, but instead of chuckling or laughing you got worried that you walk to where he was, handed him the glass of water that you were holding.
"Idiot" You muttered as you helped yourself in sitting on the table. You don't know why, you are confused yourself on why you were there. You had to work yet you found yourself watching him eat, and maybe waiting for him to open up.
The thing he usually does... before.
"SeungHyun-ah... you should be happy." you mutter. You don't know what's going on now, even in your own head. Everything's mixed up, everything is just going hella crazy inside you.
"I wanted to" You hear him say that. You know you did. But the moment that those words escaped is lips, he was looking at you that you didn't notice the sounds around you. If he did make one, if it was audible enough.
You smiled to yourself, thought about the next words you will say but you just got stuck. You got stuck staring at him, you got stuck trying to check if he was still the same SeungHyun. The same SeungHyun you like.
And yes you admitted that to yourself that moment.
"Ji..." He muttered as he put back the lid of the ice cream pint, put the spoon in the sink and then he faced you, that smile plastered on his face. "Thank You."
"Eh?" you thought you were crazy but him saying thank you out of nowhere is just a crazier thought.
"Thank you for everything. Thank You for... SeungRi" So that's why. He's thanking you for SeungRi. For everything that you've done for him to love the kid because you know very well that the kid loves him. And you do nothing but to let it go even before you can hold him in your arms. Because you're a good hyung. You're a good person. You strive hard for the good of others.
And totally forgetting yourself.
"No problem hyung" It was the time for you to fake a smile. After putting back the pint inside the freezer, SeungHyun faced you again, the smile is nowhere in sight anymore. Your heart started to beat fast, your insides started to go gaga. Again you don't know why. You want to ask all of them why, but that is just pure idiotic.
"But... I'm not happy." His stare lingered. That even though he walked away, went back to his room, you can still see him, his eyes looking at you. Scrutinizing you. What you've done. You just... did the right thing.
Right?
----
You woke up that morning finding two pieces of paper on your desk. It wasn't yours and you know it very well. You try reading the title. You had to rub your eyes, pinch your cheeks and look at it again. For you are very sure that this is not your paper, that this is not your handwriting, that you didn't do these songs last night.
because you weren't even able to finish the chorus of the first song.
You went out of your room in a hurry, found YoungBae doing push ups, DaeSung in his apron washing the dishes.
"Dude, did you do this?" You asked YoungBae waving the paper in front of his face.
"Goodmorning Ji" he said sarcastically as he stood up and snatched the papers from your hands. He carefully examined it, and came up with a very certain conclusion. "Ji, are you being stupid? Only one guy here has that kid of writing. And besides, I am damn busy learning new stuffs for our Japan activities to even bother write"
You raise a brow at him as you snatched back the papers, papers that could spare you from your boss repercussion. And then the thought came, sanity came rushing back in the curls of your brain.
"Yaa hyung! You should thank TOP hyung, he made those" SeungRi's voice echoed in the four corners of their humble home .
"Wha--?" you asked as you turned around and see the kid brushing his teeth with that awfully wide grin plastered on his face. He's happy. SeungHyun hyung isn't. And you wonder why.
----
he wasn't there. He wasn't there with you in the office when you presented the songs. Your boss had this huge smile on his face as he was reading the lyrics. He wasn't there when you lied about asking for his help to come up with those songs. He wasn't there when you walked out of that office, burdened and worried. he wasn't there to see you all fidgety, just because thoughts storm inside your head so had.
The questions, why? Kept bugging you like hell and it wasn't helping you in any way.
You wanted to call him, you wanted to ask him yourself. but for some reasons, you cannot do it anymore like you used to do. Because things changed.
Things drastically changed when you told him that SeungRi likes him. When you pushed him, literally and figuratively, to the young boy. You go away from him because you're doing them a favor. You're doing them a huge one.
And it was right, RIGHT?
"JiYong-ah!" You were pulled back from the deep thoughts you were into. YoungBae told you that its time to go home, so you just put everything in your bag, didn't even notice that you have 11 missed calls.
----
You're tired from practice, from lying, and lying more and thinking of him, and thinking of him more. That's why when you arrived home, you went straight to your room, ignoring the fact that Seung Hyun hyung said Hi to you and watched you enter your den. You just want to.. want to lie down.
You throw your things on the floor and soon, you threw yourself on your bed, your eyes wide open, your brain stopped functioning. But an image is stuck in your head.
His face, with those sad eyes, with those lips. Not smiling.
"What's wrong hyung?" You ask yourself that question. The question that only Seung Hyun hyung can answer.
You heard a knock, and then DaeSung's voice telling you that its time to eat. You didn't say no cause you're really hungry, so after changing some more comfortable clothes, you went out, sat on the seat located at the end of the table. Where you can clearly see SeungHyun who sits beside SeungRi. The seat which you occupied before.
But not now. you thought.
You steal glances at your hyung and figured out that he wasn't in his best mood. He wasn't speaking while the rest was laughing at SeungRi's cold joke. He wasn't smiling, he looked soaked. He looked extremely tired. And you wonder why. Is work really this tiring? You know it is, but there was something else. Something that is off.
And then he stood up and left, witout finishing half of his food.
Something is happening.
"Hyung... what's going on with SeungHyun hyung?" SeungRi asked as your gaze followed the older's back as he went out their apartment.
Up for smoke, again. You thought.
"Ji!" You hear Youngbae's words now, that you turned to him with your WTF face as SeungRi repeated his question.
"Hyung, what's going with SeungHyun hyung?" The kid looked damn worried. You know that for certain. You know that he tries hard to make SeungHyun happy, even a smile will do.
"I don't know Ri..." You mutter, stopping yourself from following him. From asking. From any contact with him Cause you know you're at the verge of it.
Of totally falling.
You stood up, took SeungHyun's plate with you, placed it on the sink and opted to go back in your room, but even before you were able to, SeungRi's hand stopped you.
"Hyung, please. He's not talking to me. He... please?" He was begging. And you're a friend right? you're a friend all the way. So you need to do this. You need to.
For SeungRi and SeungHyun.
You didn't utter a word. You just nodded as you get your jacket, and another one.
He would be freezing. Your conscience tells you.
You walked upstairs to find the door to the rooftop ajar. That alone was enough to know that your hyung was indeed there. You motioned quietly to his side, as he puffs smoke from his cancer stick. You put the jacket on his shoulder as you mutter; "SeungRi's worried"
You look at the nothingness of the sky, avoiding any contact.
"I called you, many times" he answered.
"I didn't notice. Something wrong? You want me to talk to SeungRi? Is it about him and YoungBae?" You're still not looking at him, but you feel that his stares are piercing your side.
"Nah... I just needed to talk to you. I was just exhausted. Can't we talk like before?" And you wanted to say no, cause its true. You can't be the same guy you were before. Things changed. Things drastcally changed. And you were the only one who noticed it. But your tongue betrays you, your heart betrays you, your hand betrayes you and took hold of his. Still, you are not looking at him.
Instead of pulling his hand from yours, he made sure its locked. he made sure that every finger fills the gap that both of your hands have. He made sure to move closer to you that you can feel his breath so near to your face. While you on the other side made sure to not break your contact with nothingness for you not to look at him.
"Sometimes I wonder, why SeungRi's hands don't feel comfortable... I guess I was so used to holding yours" You grinned. or maybe smirked. Or something in between. Finally you moved to face him, tried hard to shake his hand away from yours. but you failed miserably.
"SeungHyun, SeungRi's worried about you." You insisted.
He smiled and just turn to the nothingness you were gazing at a while ago. And you thought, maybe this was meant to be, maybe you should just enjoy this moment for after this, he would go back to SeungRi and things? Will go back to normal.
"Kwon Ji Yong. You proved your worth as a singer, composer, dancer, producer and a friend." He muttered, paused, took a deep breath and continued; "If i ask you to stop being a friend, will you do that? Cause I want you so bad. Not as a friend. More than that"
You feel your blood go up your brain, you feel your veins almost burst from the words he just said.
"Choi Seung Hyun, you shut up. You will go down and be with the kid" You don't want to say that. But you have to. For SeungRi. For SeungHyun.
"Did you even ask me... if i like him? Did you ji?" He asked, he's getting irritated from the tone of his voice. And you're getting frustrated because of what he said. You can't do this.
He was able to shake his hand away from SeungHyun as he answered;
"You know you do. I can tell it. You like the kid SeungHyun, just admit it." Assumptions. He adores the kid, that is no question at all. He likes him, he spends time with him lately. So you assumed. What you see is what you get right?
"I can't. I can't Ji." He turned around to look at you, the messed up you and continued; "Don't you like me? If you don't tell me now, I will leave. But don't expect me to with SeungRi. God knows, I would just hurt him"
You didn't answer. You don't know what to answer. You know nothing but your heart is pounding and your thoughts are SeungHyun
You stood there, frozen in time, thinking of saying: NO, I DON'T LOVE YOU.
But even before you could, he started walking away.
And then again, your body betrays you. You held onto his arms, pulled him closer and in a blink of an eye, you pressed your lips against his. You think he would push you away, but he didn't. Instead he pulled you closer. Closer. Until his arms are around your waist as your arms took hold of his neck. You played with his lips for a while until you felt his tongue trying to enter your mouth. You let him in without hesitations, having tongue fight had never been that awesome for you.
"I need my bestfriend Ji, I need you entirely.." He whispered in between kisses.
"I need you SeungHyun, more than anything" You answered as you caressed his shoulder blades, causing his jacket to fall on the ground.
When you let go, your forehead rested against his as you both took each other's breath. You thought this was wrong, but you didn't act upon the thought for it feels right. SeungHyun stole another kiss as tears fell down from his eyes. tears that had been wanting to fall since the other night.
"Tell me, what's going on?" You whispered.
"Work. And you pushing me away. Do you know how much it hurts?" And those words stabbed you.