Lost fanfic: You, Me, And The Baby; chapter 10

[jemmalynette]

Title: You, Me, And The Baby (10?)
Rating: Just in case, M (16+)
Genre: Angst, humour, romance, H/C
Pairings: Charlie/Ana, Charlie/Claire, Claire/Desmond
Summary: A year after being rescued from the island, Charlie and Ana-Lucia are raising their three month old love child whilst Desmond helps Claire look after a fatherless Aaron. As Charlie struggles with his relationship with Ana, Claire must battle with her feelings towards Desmond, whilst they both try to cover up their long-term love affair that leaves both Ana and Desmond very tired and suspicious…


One Month Later.

Blue eyes slowly opened and stared lazily above towards the fuzzy ceiling. It was early in the morning and the world was still in darkness. Claire tore herself away from the warmth of Desmond's chest and crawled out of bed hesitantly.

All was silent as Charlie woke up to find himself staring at the back of Ana-Lucia's head, her hair in his face and smelling overwhelmingly sweet. Darkness swirled around him as he sat up in bed and wiped his eyes, placing the baby monitor he had clutched in his hand on the nightstand.

Claire poured herself some cereal in the kitchen, turning on the radio at low volume. She shovelled cornflakes in to her mouth while humming along to the tunes. Her face scrunched up in disgust and she scraped the remaining cornflakes in to the bin.

Charlie dug in to the leftover banoffee pie in the fridge, his eyes distant and zombie-like. He leant over the counter, yawning, and threw the box in with the rest of the rubbish.

Claire smiled and kissed Aaron on the head when he willingly ate his breakfast instead of throwing it on the floor, or wearing it. The baby giggled and pointed when a messy-haired Desmond came in to the room. Claire turned and grinned warmly at him.

Charlie held the needle in his hand and felt his wrists suddenly go weak, watching little Paige squirm and suck her thumb happily on the table below him. He remembered what the doctor said, he had the instructions on his knee so he could check and double check and triple check what he was doing, but his heart raced and his forehead sweated with uncontrollable nerves.

"You've done this a hundred times already. Why are you still having trouble with it?" Ana-Lucia asked as she came in to the room, still dressed in her vest and underwear. He blinked at her and frowned, the needle awkwardly placed in his hands.

"I will never get used to this."

"Yes, you will."

"I can't. I don't like hurting her."

She sighed and joined him on the sofa, pushing him aside. "Not doing this would be hurting her. Let me do it." He watched her and it was over in a matter of seconds. She removed the needle and placed the little plaster on the tiny spec of blood. Paige's expression scrunched up and she began to cry. Ana shot Charlie a look and he nodded, standing and picking the baby up gently before rocking her and singing softly.

"You're going to have to get used to it, you know," Ana informed him without moving or looking at him.

"I know," he said, patting the baby's back gently. "It's just hard."

"Just think about what will happen if you don't do it," she suggested, getting to her feet and wandering over to the kitchen area to find some breakfast.

Charlie decided he would rather not think about it.

In the four weeks that had passed, Claire and Charlie had hardly spoken. Charlie was understandably busy with Paige and Ana-Lucia, and Claire was experiencing life as Desmond Hume's girlfriend - or whatever it was she had become to him. She knew that Desmond loved her, and they spent a lot of time enjoying the other's company, but her heart still belonged to Charlie. And something felt painfully missing when she was holding Des in her arms at night and kissing his lips.

Life wasn't perfect, but she was lucky. Lucky to have a kind person that loved her and her son, a person who would look after them and never hurt them. Lucky to have a beautiful and healthy little baby who was all hers, and lucky to have a nice place to live where the people were nice and friendly.

Some people didn't have those things.

She sighed, and then glanced towards Desmond's handsome face as he stepped in to the room with his arm half in his coat. "Right. Best be off. Got lives to guard," he chuckled and leant towards her to kiss her on the lips.

She smiled a genuine smile. He always made her smile. That was something, she thought. It was nice to be with a man that made you smile a lot. "Be careful," she said.

Placing her blonde hair behind her ear, he smiled warmly at her and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you," he told her. Her smile disappeared and she glanced awkwardly to the side for a moment. "It's okay," he said. "You don't have to say it. I understand. And you know, if you ever think this is going too fast, just say something. I just want you to be happy."

She wanted to love him more than anything at that moment. She didn't say a thing, but she offered him a shy smile and watched him as he waved and said his goodbyes. As the door shut, she let out a quiet sigh and contemplated what love - and happiness - really was.

Any girl would be lucky to end up with Desmond Hume.

And that's what she was. Lucky.

"Yeah, hello? I was wondering if I could get an interview…"

"I understand you're busy…"

"No, I don't want to buy anything. I was hoping for a job?"

"I realise I don't have a lot of experience, but I really think if you give me the chance…."

"I'd really like the chance to discuss this with you in person if you'd let me…"

"Yes, I was in a plane crash some time ago. Yeah, I survived. I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?"

"You know what? Second thoughts. You can stick ya lousy job."

Charlie threw the phone down. No such luck. No one wanted an interview with him, no one wanted to hire him. No one wanted to help him. Ana-Lucia emerged from the bedroom, dressed in her running gear. As she placed an earphone in her ear, she glanced at Charlie from across the room and read his disappointed look of rejection. "No luck?"

"Nope."

"We need the money," she told him with a frown.

"I'm working on it," he promised.

"I could go back to work and earn the money myself."

"Yeah, but….remember that conversation we had? It's dangerous. And besides…you're not…well, are you?"

She rolled her eyes. "I wish people would stop treating me like I have some mental illness."

"It is a mental illness, isn't it? Depression."

"Like I said, I'm fine. It's my problem. I decide how bad it is."

"Your mum would never let you," he said, picking up the phone again. "Especially now."

"Yeah, well, she can't tell me what I can't do."

"She can. She's your boss."

"Shut up," she mumbled, shaking her head. "I'm going out."

"Have fun," he said, already dialling. As Ana left the apartment, Charlie pressed the phone to his ear anxiously, and was relieved to hear the person on the other end pick up.

"Hello?"

"Liam. Hi."

"Baby Brother!" Liam's voice replied excitedly. "How's everything? The little one alright?"

"She's fine for now. Still getting used to everything."

"We've sent over a Christmas card for you. Megan wrote a separate one for Paige. I think she likes the idea of having a baby cousin. When do you think we'll get to see her in person?"

"Soon, mate. I'm sorry. Things are just hectic right now. I want you to see her. She's even better up close."

"I'm sure she is. Tell me, how are things with the missus?"

"Funny," Charlie replied sarcastically. "I think she's a little better. I mean, we've talked. And we've tried to figure some stuff out."

Which was partly the truth, he thought. They'd talked and argued as normal, only now with a better understanding of each other. Ana-Lucia was still difficult and reserved, but Charlie had become less concerned over time, especially since his birthday the other week when he discovered a suspicious looking card addressed to him apparently from Paige. When he had asked Ana - who had of course given him nothing - about the mysterious birthday message, she refused to give an answer and left him alone. He had a good feeing then.

"How's the job hunt going?"

"Well, let's just say at this point, I think the island wasn't such a bad place after all."

"Don't say that!" Liam said, his voice full of brotherly concern. A concern that Charlie now believed to be totally genuine. "You'll find something."

A brief pause. Charlie sat down on the sofa and glanced towards Paige's room. "Is life always this….hard?"

"Bit different without the drugs, isn't it?" His brother told him. "It'll get better. You'll see."

Before Charlie could ask how things could possibly improve at that point, a knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. "I've got to go. Talk to you soon, yeah?"

"Absolutely. Give Paige a kiss from her Uncle!"

"Will do." He was already at the door when he hung up the phone, thinking Ana must have forgotten something or another neighbour wanted to bother him with something trivial. He nearly dropped the handset when he saw Claire Littleton at his door, her young son in a pram beside her. "Claire," his jaw dropped. "Hi."

"Hey, Charlie," she smiled warmly as she placed blonde hair behind delicately pale ears.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just remembered that I said I should bring Aaron over one day to see Paige," her eyes glanced downwards. "I would have called but…the phone was engaged."

"No, that's great," he smiled suddenly, overcoming his initial surprise. "I'm glad you came! Come in," he held the door open for her and waved at Aaron as the infant sucked his thumb and stared up at him with large blue eyes. Claire looked curiously around the flat.

"I like your apartment," she smiled nervously through grit teeth. It wasn't that bad, but seeing the flat compared to her house made her feel even worse.

"Thanks," he said, following her gaze around the room. "Uh, take a seat. Sit down. Do you want anything? Cup of tea?"

"I'm fine," she told him, unbuckling Aaron from the pushchair and sitting him down on her knee.

"You sure? If you haven't already had lunch I could see if I can make any peanut butter sandwiches."

She giggled and let her blonde hair flow down past her shoulders, her grin making her glow with absolute serenity and beauty. God, he had missed her…

"I'm fine," she said again, still smiling. "I've had such a craving for them, I think my stomach needs a rest. But we would like to see that lovely daughter of yours if she's feeling up to it."

"Sure," he smiled, and felt excitement at the thought of Aaron meeting Paige. "I'll just go and get her."

Aaron's face lit up when he saw her, and the adults laughed at his reaction. He grinned and grabbed her tiny hands and little feet, he kissed her on the head and then threw over his polar bear for her to play with. Paige watched the little boy with large eyes and began to cry when the strange white fluffy toy made contact with the side of her head.

"Careful, Aaron!" Claire grabbed him and squeezed him close to her. "She's only little, sweetie."

"It's alright," Charlie told the pouting child as he squirmed in his mother's embrace. "She just wants a cuddle." So he picked her up, kissed her on her forehead, and rested her over his shoulder. The crying ceased.

Claire couldn't contain her smile. "She's so cute. I'm glad we got to do this."

"Me too. It's been nice, us all together for once. Just us."

"Yeah." Her eyes glinted and she looked at Charlie with the sincerest of smiles, which he returned cheerfully. "So…how has everything been? Since Paige was in hospital."

"Oh, um, it's been alright," Charlie answered evasively, patting Paige's back gently.

"How was your birthday?"

"Fine, thanks." Although it hadn't been particularly exciting: a normal day, with a few extra letters in the mail and a couple of gifts to keep him occupied. "Thank you for the books."

"Oh, you got them?"

He took one of them off the coffee table: a guide to being the parent of a sick child, etcetera. A thoughtful and helpful gift; he had been reading them every day since receiving them in the post, although he had been a little disheartened that Claire hadn't delivered the books herself. "It's been a great help."

"I'm glad," she smiled.

"I've missed you," he admitted after a beat of silence, catching her gaze briefly before looking back to the table top awkwardly.

"I've missed you too, Charlie." She put a hand on his arm, smiling saccharinely.

"How...how is everything with you?"

Her smile faded ever so gradually. She knew what Charlie wanted to know. She hadn't brought herself to directly tell him that she and Des had become an item, but on some level she knew he most likely had figured it out already. He had always suspected it, and now he would be right. Her lips parted as she tried to find the right words. She hesitated, and then someone pushed the front door open.

Charlie jumped to his feet, as if he had been in the middle of a devious task, still holding baby Paige against his shoulder carefully. "Ana," he said, startled. "You're back."

Ana-Lucia wiped the sweat from her forehead and panted, having just returned from her morning run only to be greeted by several flights of stairs because the elevator was still broken. "Yeah," she murmured, eyeing Claire from the corner of her eyes. "I'm back."

Claire turned around on the sofa and smiled politely at the woman. "Hey."

Ana nodded in her direction, still catching her breath. "Hey."

"Claire brought Aaron over to see Paige," Charlie explained with a nervous smile.

Aaron hid behind his mother, clinging on to her legs with a sudden shyness. Claire had never seen her son like this before. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked with concern, looking down at her one-year-old.

Ana felt her chest tighten and a certain bitterness sweep over her. She took one last glance at them and without another word headed straight for the bathroom to get cleaned up. Aaron relaxed a little then and grabbed his toy polar bear again.

Charlie grimaced humorously. "Ah."

"I hope she's alright," Claire said half-truthfully. "I hope my being here didn't upset her."

Charlie knew what had upset her, and he guessed Claire probably knew as well, but he didn't say anything more about it.

"Perhaps I better go."

"You don't have to."

"I think I do." She smiled sadly before sweeping Aaron up in her arms and holding him towards Charlie and Paige. "Say bye, Aaron!"

"No!" squealed Aaron, pulling a funny expression. But when he saw Paige's sleepy face against Charlie's chest, he smiled and suddenly added, "Ba ba."

Claire kissed him on his blonde forehead. "That's how he says bye," she explained to Charlie. He just laughed and tapped the boy on his nose.

"See ya, mate. It's been great seeing you again."

Aaron grinned widely for a moment and then began to suck his little thumb innocently. Claire leant over and held Paige's tiny hand gently between her fingers.

"Goodbye, gorgeous. You be strong now."

Charlie helped carry the pushchair over to the door and said his goodbyes there too, trying to resist the urge to kiss her. Instead, they settled for a somewhat awkward hug followed by a longing, lingering glance before Claire and Aaron finally disappeared round the corner.

"Is she gone?" Ana asked behind him, wiping her face with a dry towel.

"Yeah," he turned around to face her. "Look, about -"

"I know what you're going to say so you might as well save it."

Charlie decided to say it anyway. "It was only because he hadn't seen you in a long time. He didn't know who you were. Kids are just like that."

"Yeah, whatever."

He exhaled and paused for a moment, shaking his head. He glanced upwards again. "Come on," he said as he began to prepare something in the kitchen. "You're going to feed Paige."

"Not again. I can't. It doesn't work."

"Of course it does," he told her, setting up the bottle. "It's easy." He walked over to her and handed her the bottle of milk.

"I don't have to do what you say," she glared at him from the corner of her eye.

"I know," he replied simply. "But you will. Because you want a change, and so do I. Look, you're doing great. You might not think it but you are. And you said yourself, these things take time. Just try it. Trust me."

Taking the bottle, she released a frustrated sigh. "Fine. If it'll shut you up. Let's get this over with."

Charlie collected the baby and sat with Ana on the couch, gently holding Paige out towards her. He indicated for her to hold out her arms. "Careful," he warned. "Get her head and hold her upright a little bit."

Ana held the baby awkwardly, frowning and sighing and trying to suppress agitated tears. She raised the bottle with her other hand and pointed it towards Paige's mouth. Nothing happened.

"I don't think she's hungry."

"Oh, she's always hungry. She's got my appetite," Charlie grinned.

"That's the last thing we need," she replied, eyebrow raised.

"You're doing fine. Just be gentle, maybe try and talk to her."

"Talk to her?" she scorned. "She won't understand me."

"It doesn't matter. You know, babies can distinguish between their parents just by hearing them talk and feeling their touch. Maybe all she needs is to get to know you better."

"I'd still rather not."

"You might as well try."

"I can't."

"You're never going to get anywhere if you don't try."

She looked down at the baby girl in her stiff arms nervously. She felt ridiculous. This wasn't her, this wasn't what she did. But how would she know if she never tried? She bit down on her tongue and avoided the baby's large brown eyes which were staring at her innocently.

"Hi. It's your mom."

God. The word felt so foreign when applied to her. So wrong, so surreal. She wanted to get up and leave before she embarrassed herself any further.

"Look at her," Charlie told her. "It'll help."

So reluctantly, Ana did. Those large brown baby eyes, gazing up at her, shining with such typical baby innocence. Ana couldn't help feeling envious for a brief moment.

"It's me," she said in an automatic voice. "Your mom." A sigh. "It would help me out a lot if you would let me feed you." A pause. "This is stupid."

"It's not," Charlie shook his head vigorously. "Trust me. It's all part of the bonding process. I read it somewhere. Feeding time is a huge bonding opportunity for mother and baby, particularly if you breast-feed."

"Let me stop you right there, Chuckie," she said suddenly, looking as though she were about to bite his head off.

"Relax," he almost laughed. "Keep going. Loosen up a little and just act natural."

She scowled at him.

"Well, perhaps not totally natural," he added. "Just do it in your own time, but preferably before she starves to death."

"Ha," she replied rather sarcastically, and looked back down at Paige who was starting to wriggle around uncomfortably. The kid's nose wrinkled and her large brown baby eyes started to crease. Ana feared the thing would start to cry. "I can't do this," she said suddenly, handing Paige back to Charlie. It was ironic, she thought, how easy she could inject her child with a needle and yet she wasn't even able to feed her a bottle of milk.

"Don't say that. You'll get it with time," he assured her, though she could tell he was concerned. "Look, watch me do it."

It was so simple. And quick. All he did was say a few stupid words, in a rather childish manner, and that was it. Of course Ana had seen this 'Baby-Talk' method several times before, but just how was it going to help her?

"Next time you should do it. You'll make a connection," Charlie explained, cradling the baby as she fed happily.

"I'm not talking like that," she retorted. Hadn't she embarrassed herself enough? "All this baby stuff," she added with difficulty. "I'm just not cut out for it."

Something changed in his expression then. "Can I ask you something? When we crashed on that island and I was on one side, and you were on the other, how on earth did you ever manage to become the leader of your group?"

Her eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "Excuse me?"

He got to his feet, perhaps to give more of an effect to his words. "You stood up and took responsibility," he continued. "You chose to take care of the people in your group, to protect them. You accepted that challenge and you can accept this one."

She had never seen it that way before. But this was about a child: her child. And yet she felt more comfortable protecting a group of strangers than her own baby? Perhaps Charlie was right. If she could face her fears and experience the worst of nightmares on that island, she could learn to be a mother to her own daughter.

She nodded thoughtfully, wondering how long this positive attitude would last.

Claire wiped a tear from her eye as she opened the door to the house. She couldn't be certain why she was crying, but she felt overwhelmed for some odd reason. Perhaps it was seeing Charlie again; seeing Paige and Ana; seeing them as a family, together. Accepting that she and Charlie were just friends and trying to ignore the feelings she had for him.

She felt sick.

Aaron raised his little arms and Claire lifted him from the pram. "I'll be happy as long as I have you in my life," she sniffed, burying her face in to his fluff of hair. She bent over to put him down and when she shot back up again, she had the most unusual head-rush.

Her left side suddenly felt very heavy and she swayed with dizziness. Putting a hand to her head, her vision blurred and she stumbled forwards towards the kitchen. All of a sudden, she felt very ill and lost all balance as she tumbled to the floor and collapsed in to unconsciousness, her body sprawled across the ground and her blonde hair spread over her pale face.

"Mumma?" Aaron's voice echoed in to the emptiness.

Silence.

TBC