Lost fanfic: You, Me, And The Baby; chapter 6
Title: You, Me, And The Baby (6/?)
Rating: Just in case, M (16+)
Genre: Angst, humour, romance, H/C
Pairings: Charlie/Ana, Charlie/Claire, Claire/Desmond
Summary: A year after being rescued from the island, Charlie and Ana-Lucia are raising their three month old love child whilst Desmond helps Claire look after a fatherless Aaron. As Charlie struggles with his relationship with Ana, Claire must battle with her feelings towards Desmond, whilst they both try to cover up their long-term love affair that leaves both Ana and Desmond very tired and suspicious…
The woman felt nauseous as she lay in bed, staring in to an abyss of misery and falsehood above her. Charlie was asleep beside her, his breathing slow and gentle. He seemed so peaceful and Ana hated him for it. She glanced at the clock on the other side of her. 5am. She had hardly slept all night, her body aching and her mind alive with thoughts of her complicated situation. Her finger ran idly across the scar just below her belly. The way Charlie looked at her when he found it last night seemed to imply he hadn't noticed the dreaded thing before. After that he seemed to avoid the area, but that proved difficult in the end. She didn't care. Most of the time she ignored it was there anyway. At least he hadn't questioned her even more about it, his mind preoccupied with other things. That was something at least.
She thought she heard the baby a couple of times in the night but ignored its cries. She hadn't the energy to drag herself out of bed to deal with it. Besides, she wanted to preserve all her remaining energy for her run this morning. She glanced over as the man beside her rolled over. That reminded her, she didn't want to be anywhere near him when he woke up. She sighed and grabbed her clothes. It couldn't hurt to go running a little earlier than usual. Anyway, she thought it might do her some good. Anything's better than staying here with him.
The crying could wake the dead at the rate this little boy was going. Claire held him in her arms, spoke softly in to his ear. When he persisted she felt tears prick her own eyes. She loved Aaron, but she wasn't in the mood to console anyone else. Not when she was upset herself. It had taken her a long time to drop off to sleep last night - the image of Charlie and Ana together kept playing in her mind. She almost ground her teeth to the gums. She told herself that there was no use getting angry. It wasn't like she and Charlie were an official couple, even though they loved each other. It made her ill to think that she was the one acting as "the other woman". Perhaps she shouldn't blame him. Charlie could be very weak at the worst of times - he had proved that already. It didn't make her any less angry though.
But there was also the thought in the back of her mind that she could be terribly wrong about the whole thing. Perhaps they were building a more healthy relationship, in a more platonic way then Claire had been thinking. It troubled her how her mind instantly came up with the worst thing possible.
Perhaps that's what made her break down in to sobs with the baby as he bawled his eyes out, the tears flooding down his face. She rocked him from side to side, spluttering the words to "Catch A Falling Star". But sadly, that made him cry harder. She placed the child over one shoulder and tapped his back gently, still rocking him. That seemed to cease the crying, but it was only when she turned around to see Desmond holding the cuddly toy polar bear that she realised why. He walked over and gave Aaron the toy, the boy's chubby features reanimating in to a smile as he put the poor bear's ear in his mouth and sucked on it. Claire sniffed and forced a relieved smile before placing Aaron back in to his crib.
"Thanks." She wiped her eyes, wetting her sleeve in the process.
"Claire?" Desmond held her shoulders and examined her damp features, "Oh, come on. It's alright. He's stopped now, hasn't he?"
She pouted and glanced down, nodding. "Yeah. I'm just being silly."
"Come here." He took her in a hug and held her close to him. She felt so small in his arms and he felt glad to comfort her. He hadn't realised that he had begun to breathe in the scent of her blonde hair, the gorgeous aroma of her coconut conditioner enticing him further.
Claire had noticed, but she kept quiet, because she was quite enjoying being in Desmond Hume's embrace.
It was interesting, thought Charlie sleepily as he dug his face in to the pillow, that at a time when he assumed they were being more animal, Ana-Lucia seemed to become most human. Perhaps she was angry, pushy and hateful in an act that was ironically called "making love", but it was interesting…how she let another human being so close to her, close enough to touch her and comfort her. Close enough to share something with her, even just "be" with her. That wasn't a normal occurrence for her…and it was interesting.
It was also interesting how he seemed so intent on making the same mistake time and time again. How he was apparently content to disregard someone he loved just to get laid by someone who hated him, and who he himself could hardly stand to be around.
It was absolutely fascinating, he continued to himself bitterly, how much he must love to hate himself and his life to exacerbate an already complicated and undesired lifestyle.
The most interesting part of it, however, was that only half of him seemed to regret it. The other half patting him on the back with no regrets at all. He tried to ignore that half, the familiar side of him that beckoned him back in to an unhealthy world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That was all behind him now.
He moaned at the thought of getting up and facing the reality of what he had done. The only thing that made him roll out of bed was the perpetual wailing of the baby. Well, that and the fact he could still smell Ana-Lucia's scent as he tried to bury his head further in to the pillow.
Before he could get to Paige's room, the screaming becoming unbearable, he heard a knock at the door. Thinking it must be Ana-Lucia back from her morning run, he answered it clothed only in his vest and stripy boxes. He had to hide his embarrassment when he saw, rather than Ana-Lucia, a tall grey-haired man with a deep frown playing amongst his stubble.
"Come on, man. It's 7:30 in the morning. Can we get some peace and quiet?"
Charlie realised he must be talking about Paige. "Oh, right. Sorry. I was just about to see to her."
"Well make it snappy, will ya? Kid's got a pair of lungs on her."
"You're telling me."
Usually when Paige got what she wanted she was an angel - a perfectly behaved little baby. But this morning she did everything in her power to upset, annoy, and anger everyone in the building, including her father. He fed her, changed her nappy, read to her, even sang to her. But she wouldn't cease. It was as if she were possessed by a demon, her eyes shut tightly and her face pink and wrinkled. She hardly looked cute at all, barely recognisable. In fact, she seemed just like her mother's daughter…for a change.
The grey-haired frowning man returned with an even deeper frown then before. It had been a couple of hours since his last visit and he was beginning to get very agitated. He wasn't the only one. Ana seemed to be missing, Charlie was losing his hearing and his will to live, and Paige looked like she was about to explode. He simply couldn't take much more. He was a mess when he opened the door, the sobbing infant in one arm and a cuddly toy in the other. He shook his head apologetically at his neighbour.
"I'm so sorry, mate. I don't know what's wrong with her!" he exclaimed hopelessly.
The man sighed. "Look, it would be really nice if I could hear my self think again. Alright?"
"Alright." He nodded vigorously, "Sorry."
"Haven't you got a pacifier or something?"
"Right! I hadn't thought of that."
He pushed the door closed (already beginning his pursuit of the miracle pacifier) just as Ana-Lucia appeared, and she slipped through just before it shut on her. Charlie turned around, clutching Paige and looked at her with wide eyes. Ana noticed they looked more brown than the usual blue today. Last night they seemed emerald green. She swore they changed colour, a bit like a mood ring does when the wearer experiences different emotions.
"Where the hell have you been? Can you see what I've been dealing with!"
"I can hear it half way down the street," she complained, as if the noise wasn't her responsibility at all. He continued to look at her, unimpressed, and she rolled her eyes back. "I've just been out that's all. Isn't that the excuse you use?"
Charlie frowned and ignored her. "Come on, trouble-maker," he spoke to Paige as he rested her on the pillows of the sofa. He began to rummage through her travel bag of things; spare nappies, baby food, toys, bottles. He sighed and looked up at Ana-Lucia who simply stood there watching the child cry. "Do you know where Paige's dummy is?"
"Her what?"
"Her dummy…you guys call it a pacifier."
"British words are weird," she commented as she wandered over to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water.
"I hadn't noticed," Charlie replied bluntly, unamused. "And do you know or not?"
She gulped down half the glass of cool water before shaking her head, using her arm to wipe her mouth dry. Charlie broke his annoyed gaze and continued to search.
"Aha!" he celebrated, "Found the wretched thing. Here." He stooped down and placed the dummy in her little mouth. She immediately stopped crying and became more captivated by the familiar device, rolling on to her bare little tummy and making short sucking noises. Whatever evil was present seemed to have been vanquished. Charlie slumped on the sofa beside her and observed her with a smile. "Problem solved!"
If only it had been, thought Ana. She feared that Charlie would bring up her depression again, and the reason for it, but thankfully he seemed to have learnt his lesson the previous night. Like she had told him, it was her problem, her past, and she didn't want to discuss it anymore. She just had to deal with it. No matter how hard it was.
Why did he have to be so good-looking? So sweet and kind? So mature and responsible? So….available? He was like a magnet sucking her in and it was taking all her might not to succumb to his attractive qualities. Even now, as she fed breakfast to Aaron, she couldn't tear away her eyes from the shirtless man as he worked up a sweat in the hallway whilst doing some morning sit-ups.
Was he doing it on purpose? Was he really this cruel? Or was she over-thinking the whole thing? He must know by now that she found him attractive. Hadn't she made it obvious? She thought about that kiss more often than was probably healthy. It had been a relief to finally unleash her feelings in to physical interaction. Like an itch she could finally scratch. But her conscience bullied her in to realising that it wasn't right.
It still made her furious to think that Charlie didn't have that same moral consciousness in the back of that impulsive brain of his. Some day she'll stop thinking about it, she'll stop getting angry or guilty about it, and she'll have the guts to take revenge in to her own hands. She quite liked the thought of that as she spied on Desmond working out, his chest glistening with sweat, his broad shoulders rising up and down repeatedly as he continued with his sit-ups.
She was strangely disappointed when he stopped and got to his feet, grabbing a towel and wiping his face and back with it. She snapped her eyes away quickly when she saw he was approaching the kitchen.
"Claire, are you alright?" he asked her, concern in his voice.
She looked up at him, nodding, "Course I am."
"Something's bothering you. Is it something to do with Charlie coming round yesterday?"
Claire sprang to her feet a little too quickly and scorned at the suggestion, "Charlie? No. Why would you think that?"
He frowned and hesitated a beat. "That wasn't the first time he's been here, is it? Is there something you're not telling me, Claire?"
She was startled by the sudden questioning. How long had he had these suspicions? The idea of him finding out about her affair with Charlie made her heart beat a sickening pace. Maybe it was out of selfishness, but she couldn't handle Des knowing. She and Charlie had agreed not to tell him, not to tell anyone, and now hiding it from him was part of the norm. She detested lying to him but it was the only way. She didn't look at him at first, leaning over the kitchen counter and pretending to search for something in the overhead cupboard. But eventually, she had to give him a serious answer. She had to look him in the eye. She had to feed him the lie as sincerely as she could.
"There is nothing going on between me and Charlie if that's what you're suggesting," she told him with a frown. "We're over. I told you."
Desmond sighed inwardly at that. He was relieved to hear it, yet his mind still held some suspicions. He trusted Claire. But Charlie? Who could trust him after everything that had happened?
"You would tell me if he ever upset you, wouldn't you? If anything at all ever upset you?"
Her expression warmed and she smiled softly at him, "Yeah. Thanks."
He smiled back at her, "Good." He stepped back, "I'll just go and get a shower then…just warning you."
Trying to hold back embarrassed laughter, she stuck out her bottom lip and pouted humorously, "I'll try not to walk in on you this time."
He chuckled and vanished in to the bathroom, Claire's eyes following until the door closed shut. He was just teasing her now. She felt a little like an obsessed stalker. The humour soon passed when she realised she didn't like the thought of being that or the mistress to a man who had a family of his own. Speaking of which, she ought to confront him soon. He would be expecting to see her online. As mad as she was about her own suspicions for his absence, she wanted to hear his own excuses. Then she would decide whether she wanted to see him tonight or not.
Claire has just signed in.
Charlie: Claire, I am so sorry.
Claire: What for, Charlie?
Charlie: For not being at the club yesterday. I'm sorry. Things kind of got messy over here with Ana.
Claire: Messy?
Charlie: I found her sitting with Paige in a pool of her own tears. It was insane!
Claire: That does sound pretty crazy. Is she alright?
Charlie: It was tremendously crazy. She's back to normal now. But last night she was sobbing and screaming at me. She even hit me.
Claire: I'm not sure what to say…
Charlie: I was speechless too. She calmed down eventually. Sort of.
Claire: How'd you manage that?
Charlie: I guess she just got tired of arguing.
Charlie: Claire?
Charlie: You still there?
Claire: Yep.
Charlie: Are we still on for tonight?
Claire: You know I'm running out of excuses to tell Desmond!
Charlie: Use the book club one again.
Claire: Already used it.
Charlie: He doesn't know how often you meet up! You could be reading five books a week for all he knows.
Claire: I don't know.
Charlie: You're not mad at me, are you?
Claire: Why would I be mad at you, Charlie?
Charlie: I don't know. You just seem off today or something.
Claire: Sorry.
Charlie: Are you sure you're alright?
Claire: I'm fine. It's nothing. Sorry.
Charlie: I know, I'm going to spoil you tonight.
Claire: What?
Charlie: I'll shower you with gifts, we can grab a bite to eat, whatever you want.
Claire: We never do that.
Charlie: Exactly.
Claire: It's what couples do.
Charlie: Generally, couples do soppy stuff like that, yes.
Claire: We can't do that.
Charlie: Why not?
Claire: Someone will see.
Charlie: Well I'll order room service and we can eat in our room. We can go to a nice hotel, my treat.
Claire: You can't afford that.
Charlie: Who says?
Claire: You say! Besides, when I went to the club last night I wasn't the only one annoyed that you didn't show up.
Charlie: Oh. Bollocks.
Claire: Indeed.
Charlie: It seems I have some grovelling to do.
Claire: It does seem that way.
Claire: Oh, God. I'm on wikipedia.
Charlie: Well, it's a very resourceful site.
Claire: No, I mean I'm ON it!
Charlie: Really?
Claire: wikipedia/wiki/Claire_Littleton
Charlie: Wow.
Claire: Don't tell me you've never looked yourself up on the internet!
Charlie: Of course I have! I was in a band, remember? I was so full of myself. Then came darker times…
Claire: Aw.
Charlie: Yes, pity me.
Claire: Sorry.
Charlie: Bloody Hell, Claire! The paparazzi caught us!
Claire: No! Where?
Charlie: Just before the accident when you and I were chatting.
Claire: Ana and Desmond already know about that.
Charlie: They don't know I tried to kiss you.
Claire: Oh, Charlie.
Charlie: You should see the captions.
Claire: Bloody brilliant. I thought when we were rescued we'd have normal lives again.
Charlie: Yep, instead we're just talentless celebrities. Like every other famous person.
Claire: This is serious.
Charlie: I know.
Claire: Keep Ana away from the internet.
Charlie: With me always on it? No problem!
Claire: She's going to find out.
Charlie: She was always going to find out.
Claire: What are we going to do?
Charlie: Let me call you.
Claire: She might hear.
Charlie: She won't.
"You know that if I could, I would leave her. No hesitation. You know that right?" he spoke quietly, the phone pressed close to his ear.
"Yeah," he heard Claire reply, her breath shaky against the receiver. "I know."
"But I can't. We have a baby now. It's not fair if I leave," he told her this as if reminding himself as well of the cold hard facts about the situation.
"I know," Claire sniffed, her lip trembling. "I just wish things were different. I wish I didn't have a heart attack every time someone mentions you, fearing that on some level they know. That they're going to find out. I wish it wasn't like this."
I'm sorry, Charlie thought. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. "I know, love," he said aloud, his voice low and wavering. "We all do." He had wished more than anything he could take back the things he had done. "And I'm so sorry I put us all in this situation." He heard her crying softly, felt himself become overwhelmed. You should hate me. "I'm sorry." What have I done?
"Listen to us," Claire sniffed again, this time laughter sounding through her tears. "It's not like one of us is dying. We've been through this. This is all in the past."
"Right. In the past," he repeated unconvincingly.
"I need to see you."
"I'll see you at the club again tonight, that is if I still have a job."
She laughed nervously again and he thought he could hear her wipe away the last of her tears. "You'll be there this time?"
"I'll be there." He imagined her smiling, and he smiled too, until he heard Ana-Lucia cursing to herself in Spanish again. He hated when she did that.
She entered the room and Charlie held his breath. "Hey, Oliver," she mumbled, "You mind not building up a huge phone bill? They'll cut us off soon."
He rolled his eyes and pulled a face as she disappeared in to the bathroom. He turned his attention back to the woman on the other end of the phone. "That was close. Ana came in. She called me Oliver."
"Oliver?"
"It's a nickname because, well, it should be obvious."
He heard her trying to stifle her laughter. "Please, Sir. Can I have some more?"
"Yes, very good."
"I think it's cute. It's a nice name. If you guys ever have a son, name him Oliver."
She meant it as a joke, not to be considered in reality. But she didn't realise the effect her words would have, what she was suggesting.
"What?"
"Sorry," she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. "It was a joke, I…"
Nervous laughter. "Who says we're ever going to have a son?"
"I didn't mean…"
"You can't possibly think Ana's going to get pregnant again can you?"
He just couldn't leave it alone. Claire huffed and felt her fingers wrap tighter around the phone. "Well, who knows? I know perfectly well what you two are like."
He swallowed, almost dropped the receiver. He could feel his heart stop suddenly inside his chest, the blood refusing to pump around his body, his skin suddenly becoming very cold. So cold, almost dead-like. The ground below him seemed to open up and swallow him.
"Claire…."
All he heard was another huff of breath against the speaker, and he could only imagine the face she had. Her pretty little features screwed up with hurt, even contempt. Betrayal. She knew what they were like? He shuddered, felt sick with himself.
"I have to go," he said quickly, and hung up without another word.
Claire bit her lip as she heard the phone go dead, the dial tone making her heart beat faster. She closed her eyes, breathed a heavy sigh, and then threw the phone on to the floor. Why couldn't she just let herself live in her fantasy world? Where she had him; where he was hers and she could pretend, if only for a few hours, that there was no one else involved.
She pushed a strand of blonde hair from her sore eyes, shivering. She wasn't even sure if she should go and see Charlie at the club anymore, or if he would still be waiting for her if she did decide to go. Releasing another sigh, she left the privacy of the study and stormed in to the front room, her chest rising and falling quickly. She was tired of thinking about this. Tired of wishing, of pretending. It was probably a good thing Des was at work, or she might have grabbed him and kissed him right here - no thinking, no explanations.
Aaron giggled below her, watching an episode of the Teletubbies, the familiar colourful creatures waving and bouncing around the faux green hills. How she sometimes envied his innocence, his ignorance.
She wandered over to him and knelt down beside him. "Hey, sweetie." At least she could rely on Aaron to be here for her, to love her no matter what. To provide her some comfort in her otherwise dismal life. He glanced at her smile and his little lips formed in to one very similar. She laughed at that and picked him up, giving him a big cuddle before setting him on her knee to watch the rest of the episode with him. Sometimes she preferred being someone's mother a lot more to being someone's lover.
Charlie pressed the top of the phone to his lips, his eyes wide and his heart beating in his stomach. He should have known Claire would see right through his lies. Sometimes Charlie felt like Claire knew him more than he knew himself. He hardly had time to collect his thoughts when Ana pushed past him, mumbling something about getting the mail. He ignored her, dropping the phone on the cushion of the sofa before sitting on the arm and contemplated where to go from here.
Was this it, then? Was she never going to speak to him again? Was she going to end things between them and settle for the big hero back home? He felt his jaw stiffen almost automatically. Over his dead body. He had made a mistake, yes. He couldn't take it back now.
Charlie questioned how many more mistakes he had to make before Claire abandoned him completely. He had been ridiculously lucky the first time, when this all started. Miraculously, she still loved him. She had still agreed to see him behind dearest Desmond's back. She lied for him, met with him at some of the worst hotels…
Hotels he had paid for by credit card….
…..Where did Ana say she was going?
"What the hell is this?"
He jumped up and spun around quickly, suddenly feeling his legs weaken. There was Ana, a ripped envelope in her hand and a piece of paper held up in the other. Charlie looked at it and bit his lip upon realising he was reading the bill for his credit card.
"Have you got a credit card I don't know about?" she demanded, her lips curled in anger.
Charlie snatched the paper away from her. "It's my money."
"And haven't you been spending your money in some interesting places?" He resisted her angry gaze, biting his tongue as hard as possible without drawing blood. "All those nights I was here with the baby, you were with her. Weren't you?"
He swallowed back his guilt and threw a dark scowl in her direction. "And what if I was?"
"You lied to me," she replied angrily.
"Of course I lied," he mumbled. "I didn't want you to know. Didn't want to give you an excuse to start another argument."
"You are full of bullshit, you know that? What about the kid?" she shouted. "I thought SHE was what mattered!"
"She IS what matters!" he spat back. "I care about her more than anything! It just so happens I care about Claire, too."
"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes, screwing up the envelope and throwing it at him with force. "You're pathetic, that's what you are."
"Do you realise how hard this has been for me? You're not exactly a joy to be around!"
She felt the anger bubble up, her body heat rising. "FINE! Then go be with her, if you're so desperate to be with her! I almost feel sorry for her; I don't think she knows how unbearably pitiful you are!"
His teeth ground together furiously. He tried to avoid looking in to her eyes, those eyes that made his muscles tighten and his heart race. But he could feel their presence on him, burning in to him, and when he did return her gaze, he could see they were alight with anger and disdain.
His silence only seemed to encourage her. "No? Right, I forget - She has Desmond there to fulfil whatever desires you fail to satisfy. I guess that's why you stumble home drunk in the middle of the night expecting me to comfort you because she won't."
Something snapped inside of him then. Like a bull seeing red, he charged her and sent her stepping back in to the wall behind her, his teeth showing and his chest rising up and down quickly. She also felt her own breathing pace increase, surprised at his actions as he cornered her like a serial killer traps his victims. They locked eyes in an almost painful glare. He merely stood over her, grimacing, and then felt an undeniable pang of what seemed like alarm for his actions. He couldn't take this anymore. She pushed him away and he stumbled back before reaching for his jacket. He tore away his gaze at last and stormed out the front door, suddenly feeling very thirsty.
Ana caught her breath and stared at the closed door. Somehow, she didn't expect him to return any time soon.
TBC