Before
In the darkness I hear you calling, I search. I turn trying to find you, through endless nights and endless days. Hopelessness sets in, it moves around me, covering me, engulfing me and finally I begin to lose hope. I walk through the years unsure, forever alone with my memories and my thoughts, each place different, each time stranger than the one that went before.
Destined to forever search for what was, never to find. Repeating over and over, the loss with none of the joy, none of the life that you brought to me. In a crowded room, amongst friends... always alone.
In the darkness I feel you reach out to me, and fear grips me. Lost in you, in your thoughts, in a world that was, a time and place beyond the boundaries of reality. I wonder if you see me, hear me... time is all we have.
In the distance I can hear the water running, over rocks, into its self and I draw comfort from that. Lying on the bank under the sun just watching the big blue expanse of sky. There were times I wished to be a cloud in that sky, or a bird without a care revelling in it. The warmth of the sun heating me even when at times I felt warmth would never touch me.
She was so cold, she would delight in making me feel that she loved me, only to whisper a word and break my heart all over again. I loved her, she was my mother, but there where times I wished she was a stranger, because it would make her lack of interest less painful.
She hated that my father adored me, hated that I had him on this pedestal way above all others, and she would turn him from the father who always smiled at me, made me feel like there was someone who really loved me, into a drunk, bleeding and broken man. As a child all I wanted was someone to love me for me. Someone who looked beyond the tears, beyond the eyes and deep inside at everything I was.
Those dreams came true. But the memories of all that went before still haunt.
Destined to forever search for what was, never to find. Repeating over and over, the loss with none of the joy, none of the life that you brought to me. In a crowded room, amongst friends... always alone.
In the darkness I feel you reach out to me, and fear grips me. Lost in you, in your thoughts, in a world that was, a time and place beyond the boundaries of reality. I wonder if you see me, hear me... time is all we have.
In the distance I can hear the water running, over rocks, into its self and I draw comfort from that. Lying on the bank under the sun just watching the big blue expanse of sky. There were times I wished to be a cloud in that sky, or a bird without a care revelling in it. The warmth of the sun heating me even when at times I felt warmth would never touch me.
She was so cold, she would delight in making me feel that she loved me, only to whisper a word and break my heart all over again. I loved her, she was my mother, but there where times I wished she was a stranger, because it would make her lack of interest less painful.
She hated that my father adored me, hated that I had him on this pedestal way above all others, and she would turn him from the father who always smiled at me, made me feel like there was someone who really loved me, into a drunk, bleeding and broken man. As a child all I wanted was someone to love me for me. Someone who looked beyond the tears, beyond the eyes and deep inside at everything I was.
Those dreams came true. But the memories of all that went before still haunt.