You, my friend, are in a Philidelphia.
Well, today just sucks. Let me add to my previous entry that during the ten minutes or so I was wandering around looking for the Broadway housing building, it both started and stopped pouring down rain. I'd thought it would get nicer instead of rainier. So, naturally, I only wore a thin sweater and jeans. No hoodie. I also gave my leftovers to a homeless man. I kan haz karma nao plz?
And now I'm sitting in the Shop on Belmont, sipping tea I didn't pay for because I left my wallet at home and the Shop on Belmont guy knows me well enough to let me pay him back later. So, that's a nice thing, but... ::urgh::
On the upside, I had an awesome idea for a sci-fi/fantasy novel. It was inspired by this guy they interviewed for How William Shatner Changed the World (not worth the $2 rental, by the way). He was talking about how human beings have reached our biological evolutionary endpoint - the next logical step would obviously be to become one with our technology. Cyborg technology and all that, and being able to access the internet directly in your brain. So, one half of society has done that.
The other half went the other way. They've renounced all but simple machinery, and they spend their days advancing in the areas of spirit, soul, mind and body. They have recaptured *real* magic, manifestation and telekinesis and firespinning and suchlike. They live completely naturally, with the world, hunt-and-gather style, but with extra knowledge. The kids all know how to read, and they keep the scientific discoveries of the technological age, but treat it as knowledge only, not a way of life.
Then I had some ideas about aliens (3-arm, 3-legged beings from a planet around the star Polaris who've basically been looking at us as long as we've been looking at them, our siblings in space) and it all went round in circles from there.
I'm gonna ponder this here idea for a while and hopefully do it for this year's nano. Or just whenever I feel like it.
In the meantime, I wanna print out Star Trek fanfiction! ::throws a temper tantrum:: I tried writing my own, but dammit, it's just not the same! Besides, I never finish my fanfics anymore.
::sigh:: Everything's doom and gloom these days. I'm feeling really depressed. Though I guess stagnant is a more appropriate word. I feel very... stagnant. I have ideas, but I don't finish them. I have plans but I don't follow through on them. I want to do things, but I don't do them. Why? Because I need money to do all these things. But I need a job to have money, and that job is increasingly elusive.
I think moving back in with my mother will be a good move. Let me start from a place of strength and support, and get my feet on firm ground before I launch again. A baby bird has to fall out of the nest a few times before it can fly, to be metaphorical about it.
All I'm doing now is waiting, and waiting is torture. My mom said she wants to get into a house earlier than September, and I agree with her - I just don't know if she'll be able to handle the moving expenses and I sure as hell won't be contributing much.
I'm slowly making progress on my apartment. It's starting to look livable again. Maybe I'll actually have it clean by the time I move out.
Really, it is that waiting is torture. I feel sometimes like I'll never get out of where I am - the situation will never change, I will never amount to anything better. And if I were on the outside looking in, I'd know that it won't change unless I make it change. I know that too, I can tell myself that - but also, I am waiting. If my mother and I aren't in a house together by September, I'll know something is wrong and I've waited too long. But for now, I am simply waiting.
I'm going to file for unemployment on Monday. Hopefully that, plus whatever money I can glean from temp service jobs, will bring in enough to make the waiting bearable.
And now I'm sitting in the Shop on Belmont, sipping tea I didn't pay for because I left my wallet at home and the Shop on Belmont guy knows me well enough to let me pay him back later. So, that's a nice thing, but... ::urgh::
On the upside, I had an awesome idea for a sci-fi/fantasy novel. It was inspired by this guy they interviewed for How William Shatner Changed the World (not worth the $2 rental, by the way). He was talking about how human beings have reached our biological evolutionary endpoint - the next logical step would obviously be to become one with our technology. Cyborg technology and all that, and being able to access the internet directly in your brain. So, one half of society has done that.
The other half went the other way. They've renounced all but simple machinery, and they spend their days advancing in the areas of spirit, soul, mind and body. They have recaptured *real* magic, manifestation and telekinesis and firespinning and suchlike. They live completely naturally, with the world, hunt-and-gather style, but with extra knowledge. The kids all know how to read, and they keep the scientific discoveries of the technological age, but treat it as knowledge only, not a way of life.
Then I had some ideas about aliens (3-arm, 3-legged beings from a planet around the star Polaris who've basically been looking at us as long as we've been looking at them, our siblings in space) and it all went round in circles from there.
I'm gonna ponder this here idea for a while and hopefully do it for this year's nano. Or just whenever I feel like it.
In the meantime, I wanna print out Star Trek fanfiction! ::throws a temper tantrum:: I tried writing my own, but dammit, it's just not the same! Besides, I never finish my fanfics anymore.
::sigh:: Everything's doom and gloom these days. I'm feeling really depressed. Though I guess stagnant is a more appropriate word. I feel very... stagnant. I have ideas, but I don't finish them. I have plans but I don't follow through on them. I want to do things, but I don't do them. Why? Because I need money to do all these things. But I need a job to have money, and that job is increasingly elusive.
I think moving back in with my mother will be a good move. Let me start from a place of strength and support, and get my feet on firm ground before I launch again. A baby bird has to fall out of the nest a few times before it can fly, to be metaphorical about it.
All I'm doing now is waiting, and waiting is torture. My mom said she wants to get into a house earlier than September, and I agree with her - I just don't know if she'll be able to handle the moving expenses and I sure as hell won't be contributing much.
I'm slowly making progress on my apartment. It's starting to look livable again. Maybe I'll actually have it clean by the time I move out.
Really, it is that waiting is torture. I feel sometimes like I'll never get out of where I am - the situation will never change, I will never amount to anything better. And if I were on the outside looking in, I'd know that it won't change unless I make it change. I know that too, I can tell myself that - but also, I am waiting. If my mother and I aren't in a house together by September, I'll know something is wrong and I've waited too long. But for now, I am simply waiting.
I'm going to file for unemployment on Monday. Hopefully that, plus whatever money I can glean from temp service jobs, will bring in enough to make the waiting bearable.