(no subject)
So my birthday ended up being really chill. i went ice skating with kubbie, then bowling, then to thristy bear and cuddled with him when i got home. i suied teh yoga mat and bag he gave me tonight and they were both amazing. totally an encouragement to keep practicing. i went to therapy today thought and explained that iw as still really pissed. my bday was bittersweet. i tried to enjoy my day by using my birthday money on myself but just ended up feeling guilty. i think prob bc me and my parents got into a dispute about the amount. as a result i ended up with a total guilt trip, feeling really shitty about everything i spent my money on.aslo feeling like i had pissed it away. i think what will make me feel better is just to deduct what i spent from my fun money this paycheck and put what they gave me in my savings when it comes. or i may just try to show my appreciation to them when i get my card and allow myself to feel good about spending the money on my day. havent thought that far ahead though. i owe my dad an apology to.
i feel crappy about my day mostly bc i felt guilty about not fessing up for the extra money i got back when the girl at the salon messed up on her math. i think i may just bring the money back. it was only 20 bucks n they prob didnt notice but i feel so greedy for not having given it back. after that i'll call the hair place and fess up to not liking my cut n see what they can do for me.
so three things to make me feel better, apologize and thank mom and dad, explaining that i am sorry for being less sensitive in they're rough patch. give back $20 to the nail salon, and call the hair stylist n explain it just didnt work out.
hasia said that i dont pay enough attention to my negative emotions. i told her i didnts ee what the point was. but i guess negative emotions are just like stressful situations. u have to be aware of the sadness or pain, accept it, and then take action by letting it go. i realize that ive just being denying all of these bad feelings, like really being hurt when my friends didnt call me on my birthday from home. i tried to focus on my friends out here who did but it wasnt the same. i felt really ignored and forgotten. i dont know if thats something that can be acted upon, but i am going to try and let it go, but first, revel in a a bit. so i know whats down.
i remembered once i elft that jon told me my family has this way of allowing happiness, and anger, into the realm of feelings and awareness, but never really sadness, and somehow it seems weak and shameful to me. i didnt realize how much i was bottling up until i remembered that. it's ok to be sad some times, as long as i want to feel that way.
i feel crappy about my day mostly bc i felt guilty about not fessing up for the extra money i got back when the girl at the salon messed up on her math. i think i may just bring the money back. it was only 20 bucks n they prob didnt notice but i feel so greedy for not having given it back. after that i'll call the hair place and fess up to not liking my cut n see what they can do for me.
so three things to make me feel better, apologize and thank mom and dad, explaining that i am sorry for being less sensitive in they're rough patch. give back $20 to the nail salon, and call the hair stylist n explain it just didnt work out.
hasia said that i dont pay enough attention to my negative emotions. i told her i didnts ee what the point was. but i guess negative emotions are just like stressful situations. u have to be aware of the sadness or pain, accept it, and then take action by letting it go. i realize that ive just being denying all of these bad feelings, like really being hurt when my friends didnt call me on my birthday from home. i tried to focus on my friends out here who did but it wasnt the same. i felt really ignored and forgotten. i dont know if thats something that can be acted upon, but i am going to try and let it go, but first, revel in a a bit. so i know whats down.
i remembered once i elft that jon told me my family has this way of allowing happiness, and anger, into the realm of feelings and awareness, but never really sadness, and somehow it seems weak and shameful to me. i didnt realize how much i was bottling up until i remembered that. it's ok to be sad some times, as long as i want to feel that way.