this is me not falling down
Don't want to talk about it. So. freaking. tired. But of course, it's spinning through my brain, pushing on my shoulders, buckling my knees, shoving me to the ground and I can't turn it off and I can't shut it up and if I don't say something it's going to grind me into pulp and eat me alive. Really, I'd like to just give up, let go, walk away into nothingness, but I. Can't. I have two still little boys who deserve better than this bullshit.
We. Have. An. Agreement. It is a fair, and reasonable and decent agreement, and yes, it is a perfectly legal agreement even though lawyers were not involved in the crafting of it. We came to an understanding that he would provide a monthly sum to support me while I take the time to pull my self and life together, go to school, and equip myself with the tools I need to be self sufficient. I do not expect him to support me forever, and I would not have asked him for anything, if I did not have the simultaneous job of providing a good home for our children. If I had the option, I would live with friends and eat ramen noodles for the duration, and wouldn't need a damn thing from him. But that is not an acceptable choice for the boys.
We. Have. An. Agreement. We put our agreement down on paper, clearly spelled it out, signed it, and had it witnessed by friends who were willing to vouch that we both made this agreement in good faith. It is a legal agreement.
For reasons he is not willing to explain, he no longer feels our agreement is legal enough. He doesn't like the terms of our agreement, but he is not willing to discuss which terms, or how we might address his concerns. He feels lawyers and adjudication are the only answer.
I am nauseous and I want to cry. I don't recognize this man who was once my partner in life, the one person I sincerely believed I would always be able to rely on, now forcing me to fight, to justify my entitlement to his support until I am in a position to manage on my own.
I did not go to school, and I did not work to acquire job skills, because we both agreed that it was more important that our children have a full time parent while they were young. I took a part time job in 2008 while we were still together, with the intention of beginning to build a resume, and the hope of eventually banking money that would go toward paying for my schooling. I was dismissed from that job in 2009 when I expressed my intention of taking the summer off to care for my children, in spite of being told that this option was available to me when I was hired. Still exploring and making plans for my future, in 2010, my husband informed me that our marriage was over, and all of my hopes and possibilities took a back seat to recovering from the ensuing emotional devastation of having the bottom fall out of my world.
Not quite a year since our separation, I am finally beginning to adjust to this massive shift in my life picture, happily looking to forge a new path, and an independent new future for myself, and he feels the need to create further uncertainty and instability while I do so.
I am Just. So. Tired.
We. Have. An. Agreement. It is a fair, and reasonable and decent agreement, and yes, it is a perfectly legal agreement even though lawyers were not involved in the crafting of it. We came to an understanding that he would provide a monthly sum to support me while I take the time to pull my self and life together, go to school, and equip myself with the tools I need to be self sufficient. I do not expect him to support me forever, and I would not have asked him for anything, if I did not have the simultaneous job of providing a good home for our children. If I had the option, I would live with friends and eat ramen noodles for the duration, and wouldn't need a damn thing from him. But that is not an acceptable choice for the boys.
We. Have. An. Agreement. We put our agreement down on paper, clearly spelled it out, signed it, and had it witnessed by friends who were willing to vouch that we both made this agreement in good faith. It is a legal agreement.
For reasons he is not willing to explain, he no longer feels our agreement is legal enough. He doesn't like the terms of our agreement, but he is not willing to discuss which terms, or how we might address his concerns. He feels lawyers and adjudication are the only answer.
I am nauseous and I want to cry. I don't recognize this man who was once my partner in life, the one person I sincerely believed I would always be able to rely on, now forcing me to fight, to justify my entitlement to his support until I am in a position to manage on my own.
I did not go to school, and I did not work to acquire job skills, because we both agreed that it was more important that our children have a full time parent while they were young. I took a part time job in 2008 while we were still together, with the intention of beginning to build a resume, and the hope of eventually banking money that would go toward paying for my schooling. I was dismissed from that job in 2009 when I expressed my intention of taking the summer off to care for my children, in spite of being told that this option was available to me when I was hired. Still exploring and making plans for my future, in 2010, my husband informed me that our marriage was over, and all of my hopes and possibilities took a back seat to recovering from the ensuing emotional devastation of having the bottom fall out of my world.
Not quite a year since our separation, I am finally beginning to adjust to this massive shift in my life picture, happily looking to forge a new path, and an independent new future for myself, and he feels the need to create further uncertainty and instability while I do so.
I am Just. So. Tired.