Alberta?

Mar 23, 2008 13:17



My family loves to gossip. I love my family dearly but I've always felt I needed to keep them as far away from me as possible. Physically or other wise. In fact I'd say I'm this way about most people. All my problems, everything bad thats ever happened I keep deep deep down. I've been reflecting alot in the last two or three months and much more then usual lately.  I've decided that in my life there has been very few moments in which I was truly happy. I've been pretending. I've been lying. I've been pleased, or excited, but never worry free. I don't remember being without mania, or the depression. I remember being five and crying everyday under the coffee table feeling so alone. They all joked that I was depressed.

I've been trying to mentally create a timeline of my life. I feel like everything has been a movie. Like I'm only a character. I don't think I can move forward untill all of this is resolved.

I went on a rant last week to my sister Robyn and spoke so honestly to her about everything, I let her so close to me and I feel a bit like an idiot now. She told my other sister Stephanie and I know shes going to continue onto my parents. I don't want them to know me, these people people who've been so cold to me. Practically catonic to me untill I was 11, I don't remember them in my childhood and I don't trust them.

The other day I told Stephanie I was going to just leave all this behind someday. Up and leave. She told me today she wants to send me to Alberta for two weeks. I think I need it.

It's funny how you ask for help your entire life, even beg for it, and as soon as you're an adult and casually mention it everyone is up in arms.
Whatever, for once I feel a little bit clear headed at the opprotunity of getting out of Nova Scotia.
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