Collars, and the Puppies that Wear Them

[jellybgood]

Title: Collars, and the Puppies that Wear Them
Rating: PG
Warnings: homosexuality, implied kinks
Word count: 1334
Summary: There’s the Puppies and collars, and then there’s a puppy with a collar. Also, how much can be said with a smile.
Notes: This was written for ladyannikaa as part of the rs_small_gifts exchange. Her wishes were: collars; Remus playing an instrument;

Comments

[catcheleven]

"It was on that particular day that, as Remus stacked rolled up pairs of socks in the bottom drawer, his fingers knocked the metal buckle against the wooden side."
I dunno if it's nitpicky, but I would say "a" metal buckle, or something similarly non-specific. Since it's something unfamiliar to either Remus or the reader, "the" just kind of doesn't make sense in the context. /nitpick

"The collar was very well made, the little gold stitches evenly spaced and straight, with a golden buckle and ring, from which a round dog tag hung from."
I would eliminate that last comma. (I, too, have a problem with commas xD)

"lying on his side on the floor with his limbs thrown over Sirius, hummed in the agreeable sort of way that was suitable for any and all post-coital conversations."
Just to throw this in, this is the reason I think you're either a)not a virgin, or b) you read too many dirrty fics.

"that eagerly climbed into Remus’ lap"
into/onto?...

"He didn’t really know how to play it, Sirius did, the guitar was his, but holding the guitar and strumming random chords, feeling the drawn out vibrations against his stomach and ears, was relaxing."
I feel like you could break it down into two sentences.

"then jerk his head up in time to preserve the small gift bag he carried in his mouth from being grabbed by the puppy."
You could get rid of that last part about being grabbed by the puppy (I think it would still read the same), or arrange the sentence differently.

"until Padfoot growled warningly at her, then she hung back uncertainly,"
consider this: at her. She hung back uncertainly, but still curious

"Sirius transformed, and the tag’s wording changed to “Property of Sirius Black.”
“Just for you, Remus,” he said, “so you’ll never get lost.”"
LOVE