Always
I needed tonite soooo bad. It was a great nite, I had so much fun. It made me forget about all the people and things who have been making my head spin this summer, and I was just relaxed and genuinely happy. First of all, let me state for the record that yes, I have feelings for 3 guys at the moment (as is probably clear from my last few entries). HOWEVER, it's also clear that for the past week I've been having a mental breakdown, during which I haven't been able to think straight lol. Tonight kinda brought things into perspective for me. I was out with my friend Paul* (remember him from a couple entries ago?) and we just had a great time chillin together. We had a couple drinks, we laughed, we talked a lot, and we even karaoked together (Always by Bon Jovi haha)... it was all just so low-key and fun. He's an awesome friend and it's always good times when we're together. And it's that easy friendship part that made me realize that none of the bull-shit with the other guys matters. I've been twiggin out over stuff I have no control over whatsoever. You know what? Maybe someday me and Matty will realize we made a mistake by splitting up and we'll get back together... and maybe we won't. Maybe Gavin* will ditch his psycho girlfriend and realize we're good together... and maybe he won't. And maybe Paul will decide he has feelings for me and make that first move to take what we have one step past friendship... and maybe he won't. And you know what? All of that is okay. Because in the end, it all comes back to friendship. And that's exactly what I have with Gavin and Paul: 2 really good friends. My freaking out over being single isn't going to do anything good for my relationship status. If anything, it'll just make the guys I'm interested in think I'm desperate and cukoo, and I know deep down I'm better than that. I'm a good girl and I have lots going for me, so I know in my heart I'll eventually find the right guy for me; one who loves me like crazy and who I can love back the same way... and until then, I'll ALWAYS have my friends.