I've been held hostage by life!
I'm going to try doing this again. Writing really helps me when I'm confused, and there's been a lot going on.
I am no longer in school. I got a job and started working 50+ hours a week. I was already starting to spend all of my studying time asleep. My cousin and I weren't getting on very well, so I was trying to save enough for an apartment. I managed that, but got an abcessed tooth that put me through hell. I had surgery the day I moved into my new place. All of this, then I got the worst cold in history! I just could not get rid of it! Nonstop coughing and sneezing! That made it very hard to concentrate in classes. Studying became nonexistant. Oh, and I did date someone. He was the sweetest guy I knew. Then, he cheated on me, and brought his new (and pregnant) girlfriend over the next day. It was her 18th Birthday and he knocked her up the minute they met. Then they both threatened to kill ME and attempted to kick MY ass. Psychos. So, yeah. I kinda had to drop out. Work had to come first, because if I couldn't make rent, I wouldn't have had anywhere else to go. For a while, I just drank when I wasn't at work. Not before work, of course. Immediately after was fine. I stopped that after a while, though. I usually ended up crying myself to sleep. Not pleasant.
Let's see..I still don't have a car. I have more important things to worry about right now. I take the shoelace express to work every day. I play Everquest2 quite a bit. Yes, I am a geek. And my jokes are lame. I know this.
I think what's bothering me the most lately is my relationship with my former neighbor. Andrew and I first met when I came home with the guy I was currently dating. Yes, I kept trying after psycho. Anyway, he was hanging out outside the building with Kathy and Keith, a couple of good friends of mine. We started spending time together, but just as friends. It wasn't anything more than that, as we weren't interested in eachother in a sexual way at all, and I was still dating the other guy, Remi. I ended things with him when he pretty much forbade me to hang out with any guy but him.
Andrew and I grew quite inseparable. The first night we had sex was a blur. We weren't wasted or anything, but it happened so suddenly that neither of us was sure it had happened. We have had sex many, many times since, and every time has been wonderful. We didn't go more than a day without talking to eachother, except for when he'd go home to visit his family in PA. Even then, we'd text message quite a bit.
Almost two months ago, Andrew was brought into the ER at Woodwinds Hospital, because he lost motor control on his left side. He was back to normal on his own, but they kept him for observation. He had a breakdown caused by the pressure of his job. He'd worked 82 hours that week. For the four days he was in there, I was taking care of his cat, giving his family (to whom I'd never spoken to before) updates on his condition, filling in his boss and employees, bringing him food and movies and even spending the night in the hospital with him. When he was released, he went into work only to be fired. That led to his decision to move back home.
He was gone for more than four weeks. He's been back on a visit for a couple weeks now. I'm very happy to have him here. He makes me feel comfortable, like I'm at home when he's holding me. By "home", I mean that I feel like I belong there. His chest is my pillow. I really care about him, and I know he cares about me. So, why am I having such a hard time telling him how I feel? It's not just me, though. He's not telling me anything either. I've had this problem for a few years, but I have noticed that if the other person says something first, I'm more likely to let something slip.
(To Be Continued)
I am no longer in school. I got a job and started working 50+ hours a week. I was already starting to spend all of my studying time asleep. My cousin and I weren't getting on very well, so I was trying to save enough for an apartment. I managed that, but got an abcessed tooth that put me through hell. I had surgery the day I moved into my new place. All of this, then I got the worst cold in history! I just could not get rid of it! Nonstop coughing and sneezing! That made it very hard to concentrate in classes. Studying became nonexistant. Oh, and I did date someone. He was the sweetest guy I knew. Then, he cheated on me, and brought his new (and pregnant) girlfriend over the next day. It was her 18th Birthday and he knocked her up the minute they met. Then they both threatened to kill ME and attempted to kick MY ass. Psychos. So, yeah. I kinda had to drop out. Work had to come first, because if I couldn't make rent, I wouldn't have had anywhere else to go. For a while, I just drank when I wasn't at work. Not before work, of course. Immediately after was fine. I stopped that after a while, though. I usually ended up crying myself to sleep. Not pleasant.
Let's see..I still don't have a car. I have more important things to worry about right now. I take the shoelace express to work every day. I play Everquest2 quite a bit. Yes, I am a geek. And my jokes are lame. I know this.
I think what's bothering me the most lately is my relationship with my former neighbor. Andrew and I first met when I came home with the guy I was currently dating. Yes, I kept trying after psycho. Anyway, he was hanging out outside the building with Kathy and Keith, a couple of good friends of mine. We started spending time together, but just as friends. It wasn't anything more than that, as we weren't interested in eachother in a sexual way at all, and I was still dating the other guy, Remi. I ended things with him when he pretty much forbade me to hang out with any guy but him.
Andrew and I grew quite inseparable. The first night we had sex was a blur. We weren't wasted or anything, but it happened so suddenly that neither of us was sure it had happened. We have had sex many, many times since, and every time has been wonderful. We didn't go more than a day without talking to eachother, except for when he'd go home to visit his family in PA. Even then, we'd text message quite a bit.
Almost two months ago, Andrew was brought into the ER at Woodwinds Hospital, because he lost motor control on his left side. He was back to normal on his own, but they kept him for observation. He had a breakdown caused by the pressure of his job. He'd worked 82 hours that week. For the four days he was in there, I was taking care of his cat, giving his family (to whom I'd never spoken to before) updates on his condition, filling in his boss and employees, bringing him food and movies and even spending the night in the hospital with him. When he was released, he went into work only to be fired. That led to his decision to move back home.
He was gone for more than four weeks. He's been back on a visit for a couple weeks now. I'm very happy to have him here. He makes me feel comfortable, like I'm at home when he's holding me. By "home", I mean that I feel like I belong there. His chest is my pillow. I really care about him, and I know he cares about me. So, why am I having such a hard time telling him how I feel? It's not just me, though. He's not telling me anything either. I've had this problem for a few years, but I have noticed that if the other person says something first, I'm more likely to let something slip.
(To Be Continued)