big update
lets see where i should start lol?
out of fucking school.. wooohooo!!!
-ive been hanging out with tianna lot with her boyfriend (alex) and kerey and all of them.. we've been hanging out on her porch at times and other times at legends or ELHS. at ELHS i had fun... the only thing is that i started to get gloomy because every where i looked there i saw boyfriends holding their girlfriends and i miss having a boyfriend to hold me *cries*...its been almost a year since ive had a boyfriend. this has been the longest i think without a boyfriend and i miss it but yet i dont. i miss the holding, having fun, the flirting, the talks, the warm feeling of being with someone and smiling...but yet i dont miss the fighting, the crying, the non trust that brings up the fights and the restrictions that you feel because the other dont want this and that. i dont miss the low self esteem and the dissapointments and the wrong feelings you feel. its like i dont want a boyfriend because i still dont feel ready but yet i miss it...
-- in other news...i saw softer play and i really liked their music.. and the lead singer i thought was awesome. i would go pay to see them.. and they played at legends when we went the other night and i had fun till like the last part i just got really tired of hearing the screaming and i just got tired period...so i was ready to go home basically lol. i went with tianna, jim, alex, kerey, dan, jon, his gf (sry forgot the name), and i think thats it lol.
-- with adam.. well we are fighting it seems alot lately...and i dont know why all of a sudden..but i hate it.. i hate fighting with him and i know he hates it as well.. i just always feel like its only me and that im such a fuck up.. that i can never satisfy him and make him happy.. i feel like im always doing something to make HIM made and MAKe US fight.. and i dont know.. i just feel like i have to do something to stop it like not calling him or something but adam makes good points that remind me that its only bad to do it that way... but i think i just shouldn't call until my head gets cleared back up because i feel that maybe when i know what im talking about and get some shit cleared up then i can call him and maybe things will be better since i wont be a bitch or something??? idk.. i just dont like feeling like im making everyone unhappy and shit. but thats just how im feeling lately...maybe its just me
-- ive been hanging with jim lately again.. i like hanging with him because i laugh alot and i like that since it seems like i have such a hard time to just enjoy myself and i like that i have a good time hanging with him.. hes a good friend for making me laugh like that lol.. and our punching game is the best lol.. sorry JIM for hurting ur arm lmfao!
-- nicole called me and wanted to kidnap me sunday but i said no because i "had things planned" now i wish i did because i feel i need to talk with her with my thoughts and i need her advice and shit.. and well she called me back up and asked if i could come over on saturday and i said yes because I NEED TO BE AWAY FROM LEWISTON FOR A DAY.. my plan is to not talk to 1 PERSON FROM HERE WHEN I GO UP THERE. i feel that is my day of rest! so i can't wait to get kidnapped by my one and only lovely that i can ALWAYS depend on. i thank god for her.
-- you know what im sick of.. always thinking in the past.. i mean why do i think people are the people i met? i know they have changed so why do i act as if they are still the ones i know so well when in all reality i dont? this summer i want to have fun... kinda of like old times exept for it CAN'T be the same people as before because they are too good... they always always always have something to do.. they are always busy so i dont know why i bother inviting or asking them to go places when i know they have better friends to spend their time with. i mean hello no more same fun people no more.. no more adam, michael, kyle, tianna, kaitlin and all of them, no more wild fun nights, no sneaking out places, no more laughs and inner jokes, no more flirts between us all, no more parties and innocent new kids curious and trying out and just sometimes smoking.. no more always being together, no more having fun...valerie.. its all gone, they are all dead in your mind....they have changed we all have..so grow up like them and move on with your damn life. they are ghost from the past who is only bringing you down in your own mind.. find fun from new people, new loves, new friends, new fun! SAY GOODBYE AND MEAN IT!
my plan today is to go swimming. and my plan for this week is to not think on the shit that always brings me down to think of a way that is best for me when it comes to the people around me and shit....
-valari
out of fucking school.. wooohooo!!!
-ive been hanging out with tianna lot with her boyfriend (alex) and kerey and all of them.. we've been hanging out on her porch at times and other times at legends or ELHS. at ELHS i had fun... the only thing is that i started to get gloomy because every where i looked there i saw boyfriends holding their girlfriends and i miss having a boyfriend to hold me *cries*...its been almost a year since ive had a boyfriend. this has been the longest i think without a boyfriend and i miss it but yet i dont. i miss the holding, having fun, the flirting, the talks, the warm feeling of being with someone and smiling...but yet i dont miss the fighting, the crying, the non trust that brings up the fights and the restrictions that you feel because the other dont want this and that. i dont miss the low self esteem and the dissapointments and the wrong feelings you feel. its like i dont want a boyfriend because i still dont feel ready but yet i miss it...
-- in other news...i saw softer play and i really liked their music.. and the lead singer i thought was awesome. i would go pay to see them.. and they played at legends when we went the other night and i had fun till like the last part i just got really tired of hearing the screaming and i just got tired period...so i was ready to go home basically lol. i went with tianna, jim, alex, kerey, dan, jon, his gf (sry forgot the name), and i think thats it lol.
-- with adam.. well we are fighting it seems alot lately...and i dont know why all of a sudden..but i hate it.. i hate fighting with him and i know he hates it as well.. i just always feel like its only me and that im such a fuck up.. that i can never satisfy him and make him happy.. i feel like im always doing something to make HIM made and MAKe US fight.. and i dont know.. i just feel like i have to do something to stop it like not calling him or something but adam makes good points that remind me that its only bad to do it that way... but i think i just shouldn't call until my head gets cleared back up because i feel that maybe when i know what im talking about and get some shit cleared up then i can call him and maybe things will be better since i wont be a bitch or something??? idk.. i just dont like feeling like im making everyone unhappy and shit. but thats just how im feeling lately...maybe its just me
-- ive been hanging with jim lately again.. i like hanging with him because i laugh alot and i like that since it seems like i have such a hard time to just enjoy myself and i like that i have a good time hanging with him.. hes a good friend for making me laugh like that lol.. and our punching game is the best lol.. sorry JIM for hurting ur arm lmfao!
-- nicole called me and wanted to kidnap me sunday but i said no because i "had things planned" now i wish i did because i feel i need to talk with her with my thoughts and i need her advice and shit.. and well she called me back up and asked if i could come over on saturday and i said yes because I NEED TO BE AWAY FROM LEWISTON FOR A DAY.. my plan is to not talk to 1 PERSON FROM HERE WHEN I GO UP THERE. i feel that is my day of rest! so i can't wait to get kidnapped by my one and only lovely that i can ALWAYS depend on. i thank god for her.
-- you know what im sick of.. always thinking in the past.. i mean why do i think people are the people i met? i know they have changed so why do i act as if they are still the ones i know so well when in all reality i dont? this summer i want to have fun... kinda of like old times exept for it CAN'T be the same people as before because they are too good... they always always always have something to do.. they are always busy so i dont know why i bother inviting or asking them to go places when i know they have better friends to spend their time with. i mean hello no more same fun people no more.. no more adam, michael, kyle, tianna, kaitlin and all of them, no more wild fun nights, no sneaking out places, no more laughs and inner jokes, no more flirts between us all, no more parties and innocent new kids curious and trying out and just sometimes smoking.. no more always being together, no more having fun...valerie.. its all gone, they are all dead in your mind....they have changed we all have..so grow up like them and move on with your damn life. they are ghost from the past who is only bringing you down in your own mind.. find fun from new people, new loves, new friends, new fun! SAY GOODBYE AND MEAN IT!
my plan today is to go swimming. and my plan for this week is to not think on the shit that always brings me down to think of a way that is best for me when it comes to the people around me and shit....
-valari