(no subject)

[jellixlovesxpb]

I wonder if you understand
how thoroughly female I truly am.
Not just physically,
because that’s not all that matters.
The way I think
and how it differs from you
How things you say can sway
my mood, my heart, my outlook
Do you see how only you can frustrate me to tears?
I don’t think you truly see
how much it meant to me,
just to talk to you
how a simple word, princess
or a phrase, little one
can bring warmth to my being
and a smile to my lips.
I over think;
the things I do don’t always make sense.
I make things more complicated than I should.
And I need your assurances to know that I’m okay -
that we’re okay.
I stress; I panic; I cry - too much, I know,
but I can’t help it.
I wonder if you know
how six words from you can set my pulse on fire.
Just words.
Just six.
I live in terror that you’ll wake up
and you’ll finally see how broken I am.
You’ll see who I see when I look in the mirror
because I’m still not convinced we’re seeing the same person.
I am afraid that I’m too close
and that you’ll pull away and I’ll crumble.
I get attached too fast and I know I do it.
I told myself this time to hold off,
but I couldn’t help it.
I am afraid that will all my insecurities laid out,
you’ll walk away
to find someone less girl.
Someone who thinks more like a boy.
Stronger, tougher, less needy, less me.
I don’t know how I would survive.
Maybe I’m thinking too much again.
I’m just worried you don’t understand
how thoroughly female I truly am.