Bah.
Le Man doesn't seem so awesome anymore because a. he really only talks to me when it's convenient for him, which happens to be... not very often. I understand that people get busy, but I wish I was at least important enough to him that he could be like "Hey, I have a lot of things to do and I'm not going to be able to talk so much." b. he won't party with me because "that shit stays in the bedroom." Which is cool, it's his choice, but I loved the party I went to and I just want more. c. he won't come to me. He's the one with the fucking car. I am going down on the train in December to visit my brother and see him, but he won't come here and I'm wondering if that'll change or I'll always have to go to him. So I have to wait until December and I'm not so good at patience. Especially not since Saturday. Because for the first time in my life, I want to have sex which is cool, but I have to wait until December and I've been thinking about it so much and I'm really, really frustrated and I want to punch him in the face. d. I want to punch him in the face all the time. Can that really be a good thing? e. I still have all these complicated feelings for Nikaila who isn't helping matters because she's jealous of him, but she wants me to be with him because she says he is what I need. He is far closer and can be the Dom that she couldn't. That's cool. I wish she didn't care so fucking much. Everything would be easier that way.
So. I feel like he likes me more than I like him. And my friend thinks that I like him more than he likes me. And I asked him flat out "Do you want me to be your little girl?" And he said yes, not three days ago. He just wants to take me out first to make sure I'm okay with it. Then he said he would call me if he had time after work yesterday and he didn't, which is okay because it meant he didn't have time. But he also ignored my texts. I sent two and then one this morning because I had a dream that he was in, which is weird because I don't dream often and I have never ever had a dream about someone I like.
Why can't it be easy? I am so fucking close to just saying, No, no no. I give up on men, on women, or fucking everything in between and I'm going to be asexual, live with two adorable gay boys, and twenty cats with one very confused dog.
So. I feel like he likes me more than I like him. And my friend thinks that I like him more than he likes me. And I asked him flat out "Do you want me to be your little girl?" And he said yes, not three days ago. He just wants to take me out first to make sure I'm okay with it. Then he said he would call me if he had time after work yesterday and he didn't, which is okay because it meant he didn't have time. But he also ignored my texts. I sent two and then one this morning because I had a dream that he was in, which is weird because I don't dream often and I have never ever had a dream about someone I like.
Why can't it be easy? I am so fucking close to just saying, No, no no. I give up on men, on women, or fucking everything in between and I'm going to be asexual, live with two adorable gay boys, and twenty cats with one very confused dog.