Of regrets and frustrations
Although it was an overall okay day, i cannot help but acknowledge the fact that somewhere behind my head, I feel bad. It was my second day to join the Salinggawi Summer Training. And Boy, did I screw it up. Although, I wasn't there for auditions and so there was really no pressure on my part, I still felt bad because I didn't get any single routine right. Right - meaning executing it flawlessly or at the very least hindi sablay. Its frustrating because I used to good on those things - pirouttes, straddle jumps etc. Although I wasn't exactly exemplary at it before, but I sure was not a slack off at it. I'm not even close to how flexible I was and how my endurance has thinned. I used to a total of about 100 of crunches and sit ups in combination. Now, I could barely lift both my legs from the ground. As much as I want to refocus my energy in just doing what I could and take those frustrations as encouragement, it isn't easy to do so. I regret having to waste my four consecutive years of tight and personal training in ballet and that no matter how I sit-in in ballet class or these trainings, it remains that I have put those four years into waste. But I'd like to believe that I really shouldn't be regretting over that "loss" because I was facing the challenges of college life and gaining from it too. A series of what-ifs questions crossed my mind. What if I continued to take dance class on weekends, would have it emerged from college with better grades? What if I joined the dance troupe? Or what if I took dance as my major?
It may seem easy to say but I will do my best to not let this frustrations hinder me from improving myself and learning more. Yes,as I linger on those frustrations, I am more aware that I have missed a lot of things, that at this point, I certainly don't deserve to be called a dancer. I still yet have to realize that it entails hard work, more time and of course, money to achieve this and that I couldn't hurry things up. I need to master the techniques of one genre before I delve into other genres. I will be a major work in progress, hopefully I get through it.
It may seem easy to say but I will do my best to not let this frustrations hinder me from improving myself and learning more. Yes,as I linger on those frustrations, I am more aware that I have missed a lot of things, that at this point, I certainly don't deserve to be called a dancer. I still yet have to realize that it entails hard work, more time and of course, money to achieve this and that I couldn't hurry things up. I need to master the techniques of one genre before I delve into other genres. I will be a major work in progress, hopefully I get through it.