Carth <3's Angst
Chapter 4 of Purpose Beyond Revenge. On a roll lately. Just proof reading that comes from somewhere else OTHER than Microsoft word. Comments and reviews appreciated. Will be updated as I edit it, so check back often.
The air was thick with smoke; each step seemed to beat the air out of his lungs. His skin was tight from the heat of the fires, and he couldn’t find her.
“Morgana!” Carth cried, sending pebbles skittering over rubble with each footstep.
“Dustil!”
Search and Rescue teams rushed around Carth from all sides. There were countless people screaming for lost family. They were searching beneath fallen stone and praying to find anyone or anything that had been there scant hours before. Buildings broken into loose rock, streets melted into glass, all while that forsaken smoke seemed to drain the last of their spirit. There was no sign of either of them.
“MORGANAAAAAA!” Carth felt his voice tear and doubled over into a fit of coughing. His uniform gloves came back bloody. He had to find her, fast. If the smoke was doing this to him, Force knows what it had done to someone trapped beneath it for hours.
“C-C-arth?” Her voice called to him brokenly. Lying beneath what was once their kitchen table. His heart broke at the sight.
“Morgana!” Carth crawled to her side, the sharp rubble beneath him cutting his hands and knees. He lifted the heavy Telosian Oak table off of his wife and fell to her side. She was alive; that was all that mattered.
“C-arth…the Sith…. Dustil’s gone…” Her eyelids fluttering like wounded birds, Morgana’s face was filthy save for two streaks down her cheeks where her tears fell.
“I know, baby, it was the Sith. It was Saul,” he said, anger creeping into his voice as her clutched her hand, “I should’ve known something was wrong the other night. The things he was saying… I should’ve known. I’m sorry, baby. This is all my fault. If I had told Dodonna… they would’ve changed the security codes. I’m sure of it! I’m so sorry, baby… It’s all my fault…”
“Shh-Carth…It’s not…your…fault.” Morgana sighed and Carth noticed for the first time the growing stain on her side. He pressed his hand against her wound and his hand came back covered with thick blood. It was almost black. His heart froze at the sight of it, he knew what it meant, but he didn’t want to accept it.
“MEDIC!”
“Carth, I’m glad… you found me… I love you…” Morgana closed her eyes and all the tension seemed to melt out of her body. Carth gathered her up into his arms and crushed him to his chest.
“Morgana, please don’t go…please…I need you,” Carth whispered softly. Tears streamed down from his eyes, tracing twin tracks down his face.
“I NEED A MEDIC!” Carth’s voice broke and he wailed his anguish to the smoke filled sky. Her body grew cold much faster than it should have. It wasn’t supposed to work this way, HE was the soldier, and HE was the one that should die in the middle of a battle. This never should have happened.
It was all his fault.
He didn’t remember getting up and leaving her side. He didn’t recall the headlong run he took down the hill towards the Medic team that was two houses away. He did remember loosing his balance over a rock and colliding into the wall of a broken home. He remembered the sickening crack it made as the wall broke. The last thing he remembered before the darkness took him was the thought:
“It was all my fault.”
**********************
Carth jerked awake leaning against the wall of the refresher. He must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for the water streaming off of him to turn from pink to clear. He couldn’t tell how much of it was his. It seemed to have taken forever to get the girl in the other room to stop bleeding. Thankfully, she hadn’t needed sutures. He was able to close up her lacerations with some wound glue and packed them tight with kolto poultices. She hadn’t woken the entire time he treated her, and didn’t make a sound when the Sith search parties trampled past their hiding place. Kadir kept his word, the apartment door made that sick chirruping sound each time the Sith tried to open it. Carth had even heard them yelling at him to get it fixed. The walls were too thick for Carth to hear Kadir’s dry response but from the sound of a blow landing, Carth figured the Sith hadn’t liked it.
Carth’s nerves were beginning to wear out; the adrenaline had thinned out of his blood, leaving him shivering and weak. He had learned about combat high at the Academy, but it had been years since he had felt it so strongly. He just stood in the refresher, waiting for the shivering to pass. Now matter how long he stood there in the scalding water, it wouldn’t rid him of the cold rock in his stomach.
Carth wrapped a towel around his waist and exited the refresher. The water clicked off as he strode over to the mirror above the sink. He stared at his reflection a long time, trying to remember when he got those wrinkles. He mentally checked off each scar, remembering each battle and each Sith or Mandalorian that gave it to him. His fingers traced the one scar that hadn’t come from battle. A large, circular scar underneath his collarbone. He knew without turning around he had one to match on his back.
He hadn’t thought about that day on Telos in a long time. He thought about killing Saul all the time, but those final moments with Morgana, never. He had been crushed underneath the walls of their neighbor’s house. A support beam had broken off and pierced him through his chest and went all the way through his back, pinning him to the ground. He had spent the days following Morgana’s death in the hospital, suspended in a kolto tank while they buried his wife. By the time he had healed enough to ask questions, there was no trace of his son. He had spent months in the hospital recouping from his injury.
It was during that time, his desire for revenge against Saul had grown. It had grown into this hard thing in his gut that choked him. He hadn’t thought of all that in a long time. He blamed it on his nerves, the lack of sleep, and the fact that he had just carried a woman Morgana’s size out from under the wreckage of their escape pod. That had to be it. He just needed real sleep. Real sleep, and a plan. He needed to find Bastila and then find a way off this rock. He hoped that the woman lying in the next room would be able to help. He had a data pad in his flight jacket. Once he got some rest, he would see if he could find her service records. Then he would do some snooping around town; maybe Kadir would know where he could find some information.
All good ideas, but they would have to wait until tomorrow.
****************************
She was floating in that vast nothingness again. A nameless wind whirled around, rustling her clothes and hair incessantly. She could see and feel herself, which was a vast improvement over last time. She gazed at her hands; they were a stranger's hands. As suddenly as she had appeared here, there was a weight beneath her feet. Her boots clicked on a metal surface and the wind died down as she alighted like a bird coming to roost.
A sound behind her caused her to turn, and the nothingness melted into a battlefield. Terror gripped her throat at the sight of so many bodies. They were all wearing robes, there was no blood, just smoking ruins where there once was whole flesh. They sprawled across the floor in front of her in various poses of death. Her mind registered the large view ports that identified her location as some sort of ship. There was a space battle raging outside, but her eye was drawn to the woman across from her.
The woman was a Jedi. The word jumped into Koren's mind, and immediately Koren identified the woman's opponent as a Sith. The Jedi was young, and she held herself in a barely contained deadly grace. If she was disturbed by so many of her fellows lying around her she made no notice. The woman's young face was a stony mask of determination. Her amber lightsaber blurred into action and in no time her opponent fell to their knees. There was no hesitation in the young woman's eyes, she pounded away at her opponents' defenses until they fell completely and the battle was done. The young woman turned her attention to something behind Koren.
She turned to look at what the woman was staring at, and as she turned the scene melted away again and the floor gave out beneath her. She was falling; it wasn't like the weightlessness of the void. She was falling, and she couldn't see anything except for the cold blackness. Koren screamed. As if they were summoned, the voices returned.
"We must be careful, this could lead us somewhere we do not wish to go."
"It is the only way. Everyone has a chance for redemption."
"I still feel it is unwise. We should just finish it and be done."
"The Jedi do not kill their prisoners."
It seemed as though the voices where pulling her apart. They tore at her mind and left her bare. The words chilled her, and she felt as though she would shatter if she were touched. Koren screamed endlessly, trying to drive the voices out.
As suddenly as she fell, something stopped her headlong descent. It was as though two strong arms plucked her out of the air and wrapped her in warmth. A feeling of security washed over her and suddenly it didn't matter that she couldn't see. Whoever had her would keep her safe, and one day she would wake up. It felt like home.
It was so warm....
***************
Carth shifted uncomfortably. He stared at the entrance to the apartment, trying to see through it and study the Sith Squadron outside. He hoped they hadn't heard his bunkmate's screaming. She couldn't have picked a worse time to have a fit, he was still in his towel and there was a second wave of the Sith search parties were outside their door when she decided to start screaming as though she was being dipped in molten carbonite. It seemed like he stayed frozen for hours, before he heard the Sith leave.
Carth dropped the blaster he had pointed at the door and tightened his grip on the woman in his arms. When he heard the Sith coming the only thing he could think of to quiet her was to hold her. Like he had held Dustil when he had a bad dream. Thank the Force it had worked. It had probably saved their lives. She had curled around his bare side during his vigil, and she looked peaceful. Not at all like she looked when she had started screaming. Carth's hand froze when he realized he had been stroking her hair. He didn't recall moving his hand. He frowned slightly. There was something odd about this woman. She didn't make him feel right; there was something warming in his chest. Warmth he hadn't felt in a long time, and he didn't trust it. There was something wrong. He needed answers.
But he was exhausted. His thirst for answers would have to wait until tomorrow.
The air was thick with smoke; each step seemed to beat the air out of his lungs. His skin was tight from the heat of the fires, and he couldn’t find her.
“Morgana!” Carth cried, sending pebbles skittering over rubble with each footstep.
“Dustil!”
Search and Rescue teams rushed around Carth from all sides. There were countless people screaming for lost family. They were searching beneath fallen stone and praying to find anyone or anything that had been there scant hours before. Buildings broken into loose rock, streets melted into glass, all while that forsaken smoke seemed to drain the last of their spirit. There was no sign of either of them.
“MORGANAAAAAA!” Carth felt his voice tear and doubled over into a fit of coughing. His uniform gloves came back bloody. He had to find her, fast. If the smoke was doing this to him, Force knows what it had done to someone trapped beneath it for hours.
“C-C-arth?” Her voice called to him brokenly. Lying beneath what was once their kitchen table. His heart broke at the sight.
“Morgana!” Carth crawled to her side, the sharp rubble beneath him cutting his hands and knees. He lifted the heavy Telosian Oak table off of his wife and fell to her side. She was alive; that was all that mattered.
“C-arth…the Sith…. Dustil’s gone…” Her eyelids fluttering like wounded birds, Morgana’s face was filthy save for two streaks down her cheeks where her tears fell.
“I know, baby, it was the Sith. It was Saul,” he said, anger creeping into his voice as her clutched her hand, “I should’ve known something was wrong the other night. The things he was saying… I should’ve known. I’m sorry, baby. This is all my fault. If I had told Dodonna… they would’ve changed the security codes. I’m sure of it! I’m so sorry, baby… It’s all my fault…”
“Shh-Carth…It’s not…your…fault.” Morgana sighed and Carth noticed for the first time the growing stain on her side. He pressed his hand against her wound and his hand came back covered with thick blood. It was almost black. His heart froze at the sight of it, he knew what it meant, but he didn’t want to accept it.
“MEDIC!”
“Carth, I’m glad… you found me… I love you…” Morgana closed her eyes and all the tension seemed to melt out of her body. Carth gathered her up into his arms and crushed him to his chest.
“Morgana, please don’t go…please…I need you,” Carth whispered softly. Tears streamed down from his eyes, tracing twin tracks down his face.
“I NEED A MEDIC!” Carth’s voice broke and he wailed his anguish to the smoke filled sky. Her body grew cold much faster than it should have. It wasn’t supposed to work this way, HE was the soldier, and HE was the one that should die in the middle of a battle. This never should have happened.
It was all his fault.
He didn’t remember getting up and leaving her side. He didn’t recall the headlong run he took down the hill towards the Medic team that was two houses away. He did remember loosing his balance over a rock and colliding into the wall of a broken home. He remembered the sickening crack it made as the wall broke. The last thing he remembered before the darkness took him was the thought:
“It was all my fault.”
**********************
Carth jerked awake leaning against the wall of the refresher. He must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for the water streaming off of him to turn from pink to clear. He couldn’t tell how much of it was his. It seemed to have taken forever to get the girl in the other room to stop bleeding. Thankfully, she hadn’t needed sutures. He was able to close up her lacerations with some wound glue and packed them tight with kolto poultices. She hadn’t woken the entire time he treated her, and didn’t make a sound when the Sith search parties trampled past their hiding place. Kadir kept his word, the apartment door made that sick chirruping sound each time the Sith tried to open it. Carth had even heard them yelling at him to get it fixed. The walls were too thick for Carth to hear Kadir’s dry response but from the sound of a blow landing, Carth figured the Sith hadn’t liked it.
Carth’s nerves were beginning to wear out; the adrenaline had thinned out of his blood, leaving him shivering and weak. He had learned about combat high at the Academy, but it had been years since he had felt it so strongly. He just stood in the refresher, waiting for the shivering to pass. Now matter how long he stood there in the scalding water, it wouldn’t rid him of the cold rock in his stomach.
Carth wrapped a towel around his waist and exited the refresher. The water clicked off as he strode over to the mirror above the sink. He stared at his reflection a long time, trying to remember when he got those wrinkles. He mentally checked off each scar, remembering each battle and each Sith or Mandalorian that gave it to him. His fingers traced the one scar that hadn’t come from battle. A large, circular scar underneath his collarbone. He knew without turning around he had one to match on his back.
He hadn’t thought about that day on Telos in a long time. He thought about killing Saul all the time, but those final moments with Morgana, never. He had been crushed underneath the walls of their neighbor’s house. A support beam had broken off and pierced him through his chest and went all the way through his back, pinning him to the ground. He had spent the days following Morgana’s death in the hospital, suspended in a kolto tank while they buried his wife. By the time he had healed enough to ask questions, there was no trace of his son. He had spent months in the hospital recouping from his injury.
It was during that time, his desire for revenge against Saul had grown. It had grown into this hard thing in his gut that choked him. He hadn’t thought of all that in a long time. He blamed it on his nerves, the lack of sleep, and the fact that he had just carried a woman Morgana’s size out from under the wreckage of their escape pod. That had to be it. He just needed real sleep. Real sleep, and a plan. He needed to find Bastila and then find a way off this rock. He hoped that the woman lying in the next room would be able to help. He had a data pad in his flight jacket. Once he got some rest, he would see if he could find her service records. Then he would do some snooping around town; maybe Kadir would know where he could find some information.
All good ideas, but they would have to wait until tomorrow.
****************************
She was floating in that vast nothingness again. A nameless wind whirled around, rustling her clothes and hair incessantly. She could see and feel herself, which was a vast improvement over last time. She gazed at her hands; they were a stranger's hands. As suddenly as she had appeared here, there was a weight beneath her feet. Her boots clicked on a metal surface and the wind died down as she alighted like a bird coming to roost.
A sound behind her caused her to turn, and the nothingness melted into a battlefield. Terror gripped her throat at the sight of so many bodies. They were all wearing robes, there was no blood, just smoking ruins where there once was whole flesh. They sprawled across the floor in front of her in various poses of death. Her mind registered the large view ports that identified her location as some sort of ship. There was a space battle raging outside, but her eye was drawn to the woman across from her.
The woman was a Jedi. The word jumped into Koren's mind, and immediately Koren identified the woman's opponent as a Sith. The Jedi was young, and she held herself in a barely contained deadly grace. If she was disturbed by so many of her fellows lying around her she made no notice. The woman's young face was a stony mask of determination. Her amber lightsaber blurred into action and in no time her opponent fell to their knees. There was no hesitation in the young woman's eyes, she pounded away at her opponents' defenses until they fell completely and the battle was done. The young woman turned her attention to something behind Koren.
She turned to look at what the woman was staring at, and as she turned the scene melted away again and the floor gave out beneath her. She was falling; it wasn't like the weightlessness of the void. She was falling, and she couldn't see anything except for the cold blackness. Koren screamed. As if they were summoned, the voices returned.
"We must be careful, this could lead us somewhere we do not wish to go."
"It is the only way. Everyone has a chance for redemption."
"I still feel it is unwise. We should just finish it and be done."
"The Jedi do not kill their prisoners."
It seemed as though the voices where pulling her apart. They tore at her mind and left her bare. The words chilled her, and she felt as though she would shatter if she were touched. Koren screamed endlessly, trying to drive the voices out.
As suddenly as she fell, something stopped her headlong descent. It was as though two strong arms plucked her out of the air and wrapped her in warmth. A feeling of security washed over her and suddenly it didn't matter that she couldn't see. Whoever had her would keep her safe, and one day she would wake up. It felt like home.
It was so warm....
***************
Carth shifted uncomfortably. He stared at the entrance to the apartment, trying to see through it and study the Sith Squadron outside. He hoped they hadn't heard his bunkmate's screaming. She couldn't have picked a worse time to have a fit, he was still in his towel and there was a second wave of the Sith search parties were outside their door when she decided to start screaming as though she was being dipped in molten carbonite. It seemed like he stayed frozen for hours, before he heard the Sith leave.
Carth dropped the blaster he had pointed at the door and tightened his grip on the woman in his arms. When he heard the Sith coming the only thing he could think of to quiet her was to hold her. Like he had held Dustil when he had a bad dream. Thank the Force it had worked. It had probably saved their lives. She had curled around his bare side during his vigil, and she looked peaceful. Not at all like she looked when she had started screaming. Carth's hand froze when he realized he had been stroking her hair. He didn't recall moving his hand. He frowned slightly. There was something odd about this woman. She didn't make him feel right; there was something warming in his chest. Warmth he hadn't felt in a long time, and he didn't trust it. There was something wrong. He needed answers.
But he was exhausted. His thirst for answers would have to wait until tomorrow.