Soy un perdedor.
I'm extremely stressed and pretty depressed. It took me a while to realize that it's now been over a year since I graduated, and I still don't have a full time job. As if it wasn't hard enough to attempt to get my foot in the door of a company, I'm now also competing with 2008 college graduates for that spot.
It also took me a while to figure out that I haven't gone out anywhere aside from Township or Glassboro in a very long time. I only recently came to the realization that it's because I've been in a low self-esteem and depression mode. If I feel like shit and look like shit, why would I want to go out with my hot friends? (And how the hell did I end up with all these hot friends, by the way?) Yeah, yeah "You're so cute, you have such a pretty face." Well that doesn't really matter when you're standing next to someone who's a size 5, does it? This is what people don't get when they wonder why I don't go out as much as I used to. Ok, call me bitter. It's my party, I'll cry if I want to. I'm not mad at or jealous of my friends, I'm angry at myself. I look and feel worse than I ever have in my life, and no one can change that but me. I guess I'll just never understand why it has to be so hard. So many people have told me I should do "plus size" modeling. Last week I was on some kind of random motivational kick where I thought I could actually do it. So much so that I actually called one agency to inquire. Too bad I can't even do that since they told me they start at 5'10", and little old me would be pushing it at saying 5'6". Do I expect or WANT to be on runways across the world? OF COURSE not. But there are different types of modeling, and some commercial work to reassure me that all these people aren't lying to me about being pretty would be nice, lol. So if you know anyone who could help a sister out or has ANY idea of who to talk to for this kind of stuff, let me know.
Lauren and Dianna got me to go out this weekend. I had fun, especially at the Beach Bar, but not as much as I would have if I wasn't in such a slump. Bllllaaaahhhh. I wish I could shake this off. But it's gonna take a lot more work than a little shaking. My main goals seem pretty obvious, but not so easy to attain.
I need a job.
I need to lose weight.
I need a man.
I need to grow up...a little.
In other news, I never thought I'd be so influenced by Sex & the City. The movie was awesome; hilarious, sarcastic, a little romantic, and very inspiring. Is it weird to say that I'm ridiculously inspired by Sex & the City? I want to look great, have a great job, be successful, make money, live in the city (at least for a little bit), and buy lots of shoes. Is that too much to ask??
It's 3:40am. I'm so done with this. I just needed to rant. More to come later.
P.S. Disturbed's new CD. Indestructible. Buy it. Now. I LOVE DAVE DRAIMAN.
That is all.
It also took me a while to figure out that I haven't gone out anywhere aside from Township or Glassboro in a very long time. I only recently came to the realization that it's because I've been in a low self-esteem and depression mode. If I feel like shit and look like shit, why would I want to go out with my hot friends? (And how the hell did I end up with all these hot friends, by the way?) Yeah, yeah "You're so cute, you have such a pretty face." Well that doesn't really matter when you're standing next to someone who's a size 5, does it? This is what people don't get when they wonder why I don't go out as much as I used to. Ok, call me bitter. It's my party, I'll cry if I want to. I'm not mad at or jealous of my friends, I'm angry at myself. I look and feel worse than I ever have in my life, and no one can change that but me. I guess I'll just never understand why it has to be so hard. So many people have told me I should do "plus size" modeling. Last week I was on some kind of random motivational kick where I thought I could actually do it. So much so that I actually called one agency to inquire. Too bad I can't even do that since they told me they start at 5'10", and little old me would be pushing it at saying 5'6". Do I expect or WANT to be on runways across the world? OF COURSE not. But there are different types of modeling, and some commercial work to reassure me that all these people aren't lying to me about being pretty would be nice, lol. So if you know anyone who could help a sister out or has ANY idea of who to talk to for this kind of stuff, let me know.
Lauren and Dianna got me to go out this weekend. I had fun, especially at the Beach Bar, but not as much as I would have if I wasn't in such a slump. Bllllaaaahhhh. I wish I could shake this off. But it's gonna take a lot more work than a little shaking. My main goals seem pretty obvious, but not so easy to attain.
I need a job.
I need to lose weight.
I need a man.
I need to grow up...a little.
In other news, I never thought I'd be so influenced by Sex & the City. The movie was awesome; hilarious, sarcastic, a little romantic, and very inspiring. Is it weird to say that I'm ridiculously inspired by Sex & the City? I want to look great, have a great job, be successful, make money, live in the city (at least for a little bit), and buy lots of shoes. Is that too much to ask??
It's 3:40am. I'm so done with this. I just needed to rant. More to come later.
P.S. Disturbed's new CD. Indestructible. Buy it. Now. I LOVE DAVE DRAIMAN.
That is all.