a letter to send out there
Many years ago, a good, dear friend told me it was difficult being my friend. She said that I had such high expectations from those around me and that I, myself, was so "good" that it was hard to compete. While what she said startled me, I think I understood what she meant. I do have high expectations and I do spend a lot of time thinking through how my actions will affect others. I have also learned though that we can only all do as best we can and that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can never fully understand another's depth of feeling, focus and motives. Each one of us has a life experience that cannot be completely shared with anyone. We can swap stories, make comparisons but I can never trully walk in your shoes or you in mine. With all this I have just written, I have failed someone else. They had expectations and I didn't follow through. My own tail spin swept through and did some major damage and all I can say are words. Sorry doesn't really help when people are depending on you and you can't be there. It wasn't pretty and my charater was attacked and I don't blame them. I haven't slept, I haven't eaten enough and I selfishly feel poorly. What I want to put out there is that my intentions were always good, my concern was there and I am far removed from a casual person in my feelings. I never imagined failing you and for that, I am simply sorry, truly sorry. I am.