Subject?....Rambling.
I just recently got back from Nashville and boy did I have fun. I really enjoyed being by myself and being able to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. I came home and had to take Caedyn to the hospital she has "Nurse Maid's Elbow" (basically she has one arm that will pop out of joint if she isn't careful. Doctor's say that it won't do that when she gets older.
Things between James and I are okay. We have our ups and downs but I am still not happy. I gave up someone that meant so much to me and sacrificed my happiness so that my children could be happy. I have to make a choice.
I went out on Friday night and stayed at my friend Stephanie's apartment. I slept on the floor and now I have weird rash all over my arms. I don't know what the hell it is and it itches like crazy. I was so drunk I didn't care where I slept. I knew something was up based on the smell of the apartment but i didn't think twice about it. I am going to go to the doctor....I feel so dirty....
I am going to Texas later this month and once again I am going to be by myself. It is going to great! I love my family but I am just not happy. I want to be loved....like I once was. Someone loved me so much that they did things for me that actually caused them pain. I miss that overwhelming breath taking love. The type of love that when you sit and think about it all you can do is cry.
I know one day I will be happy one way or another. I am worth more than the constant put downs my husband throws at me.
Here's a funny story. James decides he is going to hide the halloween candy from Jim. He puts that bowl of candy in the oven. Jim comes home from school and turns the oven on to make a pizza. The bowl and all the candy melts to the bottom of the stove. James calls me up and starts laying into me about how dumb my brother is and how stupid he is for turning on the oven. I told James that it was his problem because he is the one that tried to be sneaky by hiding it in the oven. As usual he gets really mad and hangs up on me.
I was hungover on Saturday...My mistake. I got up and asked James if he could make me something to eat. He said....no you were the dumbass that drank too much last night so get up off of your fat ass and make it yourself.
What I can't understand is when I am not with James I feel sexy. I feel like I can do anything. James doesn't make me feel like I am the most important thing to him...
I will be happy...one day.
Things between James and I are okay. We have our ups and downs but I am still not happy. I gave up someone that meant so much to me and sacrificed my happiness so that my children could be happy. I have to make a choice.
I went out on Friday night and stayed at my friend Stephanie's apartment. I slept on the floor and now I have weird rash all over my arms. I don't know what the hell it is and it itches like crazy. I was so drunk I didn't care where I slept. I knew something was up based on the smell of the apartment but i didn't think twice about it. I am going to go to the doctor....I feel so dirty....
I am going to Texas later this month and once again I am going to be by myself. It is going to great! I love my family but I am just not happy. I want to be loved....like I once was. Someone loved me so much that they did things for me that actually caused them pain. I miss that overwhelming breath taking love. The type of love that when you sit and think about it all you can do is cry.
I know one day I will be happy one way or another. I am worth more than the constant put downs my husband throws at me.
Here's a funny story. James decides he is going to hide the halloween candy from Jim. He puts that bowl of candy in the oven. Jim comes home from school and turns the oven on to make a pizza. The bowl and all the candy melts to the bottom of the stove. James calls me up and starts laying into me about how dumb my brother is and how stupid he is for turning on the oven. I told James that it was his problem because he is the one that tried to be sneaky by hiding it in the oven. As usual he gets really mad and hangs up on me.
I was hungover on Saturday...My mistake. I got up and asked James if he could make me something to eat. He said....no you were the dumbass that drank too much last night so get up off of your fat ass and make it yourself.
What I can't understand is when I am not with James I feel sexy. I feel like I can do anything. James doesn't make me feel like I am the most important thing to him...
I will be happy...one day.