Let's Play Choice of Broadsides, Chapter One
The game is HERE. A great review of it is over at Jayisgames, and my "review" is here. If you think this game sounds fun, play it before reading, because there will be massive spoilers after the cut.
(This Let's Play will actually be modeled after my first playthrough, for reasons that will become obvious later. Since it's a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure text RPG, there won't be images or video. Instead, text from the game will be in italics, and they will be between quotation marks if I decide to incorporate them within my commentary.)
"Fire the starboard broadside!" shouts the Captain.
Cannons roar as H.M.S. Courageous attacks the enemy frigate. As one of the junior officers--really, more of an officer in training--you command three guns on Courageous's main gun deck.
Wow, so we're already under attack. I hope things are going to be okay--
Oh crap, they fired on us.
As the enemy cannonball tears through the side of the ship, giant splinters of wood fly through the air. One of the splinters, perhaps a yard long, rips through the stomach of Davies, a sailor under your command. A fragment of a cannon ball smashes Fisher's arm, mangling it horribly. Your sailors seem stunned by the carnage, standing in shock while Davies and Fisher scream in agony.
What do you do?
I consider a career as a librarian. No, seriously though, my options are (and this paraphrased): A) Attend to those two personally, B) Order them to be taken down to the surgeon, C) Decide that, apparently, one of them won't make it, so Fisher gets to go to the surgeon and Davies is left to die, or D) Ignore the wounded and keep firing the cannons.
Now, I would like to be a caring and compassionate person, and make sure these two are okay. However, it seems that option (B) is the smarter and more responsible thing to do, so I pick that. Besides, (dammit, Jim,) I'm a sailor, not a doctor.
"Jones!" you shout, and a master's mate under your command looks at you expectantly. "Take a team of sailors and get Davies and Fisher to the surgeon."
Your gun crew leaps into action and carries the wounded away. Their screams continue to echo, but you do your best to put them out of your mind and focus on the battle.
Okay, problem solved! What's next?
We should take a moment here to establish a few important facts about you.
In this game, you take the role of a young officer in the Royal Navy of "Albion" (an imaginary nation rather like England) fighting battles at sea with "Gaul" in the time of the Napoleonic wars.
But you're not just any young officer. Nobody knows it yet, but you're going to be one of the most famous officers in all of Albion. The "Naval Chronicle" will publish stories about you; sailors will tell tall tales of your adventures; one day, if you're lucky, people will write histories about you.
Why? What makes you so notable?
I can walk and chew bubblegum at the same time?
Actual options include: A) My MAD SAILING SKILLZ, B) I can kick ass with cannons, pistols and swords, C) I'm a terrific leader, or D) "My high birth gives me strong patronage" and lets me rise in rank easier.
I pick (A), since I don't want to encounter a situation where I fail at sailing, get captured and am gutted like a fish.
Then they ask me what my second greatest ability is, so I pick option (B) from the last page (which is option (A) on this one), and say I'm great at combat. Again, I don't want to encounter a situation where I fail at fighting, and subsequently get pumped full of lead or gutted like a fish.
All right! They call me a valiant warrior of Albion. And then ask what my weakness is. I pick the second option, (D) from the first page, and say I lack patronage and my networking sucks. See, I don't mind not being high-born or having an outstanding reputation in a story like this. If anything, this will put me, the underdog, at a narrative advantage. Score!
So they tell me I won't get as many opportunities, which is fine by me. I (or my character, rather) only want to do my duty to my country.
Next, they ask which is better, my intelligence or my people skills. At first, I thought it would be great to be super smart, but then I realized that if I am a captain who cannot get my crew to listen to me, I'd get mutinied faster than you can say, "Can't we all get along?"
My options are A) All intelligence and no likeability, B) Mostly intelligence and some likeability, C) Both equally, D) Mostly likeability and some intelligence, and E) All likeability and no intelligence. I decide on the best of both worlds, (C).
They remind me to try to go for situations where I can play on my strengths. Thanks very much, I'll keep that in mind.
Now comes the fun part.
This game is set in a fictional world, similar to our own but with some differences.
For example, perhaps the ships are crewed by women. You are a young and gallant officer, but are you a young gentleman or a young lady?
And I have to quote the options, too, since they put it better than I can ever do. A) "I'm a young gentleman, of course, and rather confused by the question[,]" and (wait for it...) B) "I'm a young lady. The idea of a gentleman going to sea and being exposed to the horrors of combat--it's a frankly revolting idea."
:'D
I will just say right now that I don't find reversing sexist stereotypes and philosophies to be constructive in any way. What people should strive for is equality. So, in picking option (B), I do not expect to be catapulted into a wonderful utopia where everyone is in the place they should be and all that crap.
However, I cannot read that statement as anything other than glorious, glorious satire, since it's obviously riffing off of things men had said regarding women in the military/navy in the past (and even today). Also, picking this option should give us interesting look into the dynamics of a world in which gender roles are reversed. SO LET'S DO IT.
I quite agree. The place for a man is domestic, rearing the children and making a pleasant home for his wife. We put men up on a pedestal so that they do not need to face the hardships that women are more constitutionally suited to bear.
8D DELICIOUS SATIRE.
The officers and crew of a Royal Navy ship are all women. Let's move on.
AND WE'RE ALL BADASS AMAZON LADY SAILORS. This is getting better and better!
You are about nineteen years old now. When did you first go to sea as a Midshipwoman?
Good question. The options are: when I was a A) 3-year-old, B) 10-year-old, C) 13-year-old, or D) 16-year-old. Three years old is a bit too young, but the earlier I start, the more experience I have, so I pick (B), when I was ten.
Apparently, ten is a bit early, too, but not unusual. My sailing and gunning skills are good as a result, but unfortunately, social skills (and... trig) didn't develop as much. I have a feeling I will find it hard to be socially savvy, but what else is new?
Oh, now they're asking what my name is. I was lazy during my first playthrough, so I picked the first two options and wound up with Anne Smythe. Not very unique at all, but I'm going to go with that again because "Anne Smythe" is the name of the character that developed in my head, and this is important for what's to come. The other surnames are Brown and Baker, and for given names you can choose from Elizabeth, Honor, Mary, or Horatia (ooh, nice). Or you can input a name yourself.
But enough of that. Let's see our stats! (Yes, we get stats in this game. They're pretty cool.)
Presenting... Madam Midshipwoman Anne Smythe (shut up, spellcheck! "Midshipwoman" is totally a word!)
Age: 19
Sailing: 84
Gunnery: 74
Leadership: 57
Fighting: 70
Patronage: 30 (ouch)
Tact: 26 (even more ouch)
Likeability: 50
Honor: 55
Courage: 50
Bloodthirst: 43
Intelligence: 43
Wealth: 10 (very, very ouch)
With that out of the way, let's get back to the battle. You've dealt with the injured, in a fashion. Now, you need to keep firing your guns. But in the midst of all the excitement. . . what's the next step?
I remember this. I remember failing spectacularly at knowing the next step. Determined not to be a failure this early in the game, I restarted several times until I got it right (this was before I learned how to cheat). This is partly the reason why I wasn't bothering with naming my character.
In any case, we can: A) Swab the bore, B) Ram in the powder, C) Place the waddling in the powder, D) Load the shot, E) Run the gun out and fire, or F) I have no idea. (F) is the most honest one, and will get you a mnemonic which doesn't actually help you in any way. (A) to (D) are all incorrect, and will make your commanding officers look at you like you're an idiot. So let's pick (E).
"Run out the gun!" you yell. As the gun carriage bounces on the hull of the ship, you shout, "Fire!" One of the ratings touches the fuse to the powder, and the gun leaps back with a roar. You were correct and kept your gun firing as quickly as possible. Your able performance has helped your ship win the battle.
Yay! We're so cool.
The battle rages on, but finally the Gaulish ship hauls down its colors and surrenders.
VICTOLY.
In the aftermath of the battle, a young midshipwoman runs up to you. "Captain's compliments, ma'am, and she asks you to report to the quarterdeck."
When you get to the quarterdeck, the Captain looks over at you. "Madam Smythe! I'm rating you as an acting-lieutenant. Take a section of twenty women across to the prize and assume command. Make any necessary repairs and set sail for any Albionish port."
So I got promoted, I get my own crew, and I get my own ship? Best day EVER!
"Aye aye, ma'am! Thank you, ma'am!" You quickly gather your women and head across on your first command.
So ends chapter one! TO BE CONTINUED.
(This Let's Play will actually be modeled after my first playthrough, for reasons that will become obvious later. Since it's a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure text RPG, there won't be images or video. Instead, text from the game will be in italics, and they will be between quotation marks if I decide to incorporate them within my commentary.)
"Fire the starboard broadside!" shouts the Captain.
Cannons roar as H.M.S. Courageous attacks the enemy frigate. As one of the junior officers--really, more of an officer in training--you command three guns on Courageous's main gun deck.
Wow, so we're already under attack. I hope things are going to be okay--
Oh crap, they fired on us.
As the enemy cannonball tears through the side of the ship, giant splinters of wood fly through the air. One of the splinters, perhaps a yard long, rips through the stomach of Davies, a sailor under your command. A fragment of a cannon ball smashes Fisher's arm, mangling it horribly. Your sailors seem stunned by the carnage, standing in shock while Davies and Fisher scream in agony.
What do you do?
I consider a career as a librarian. No, seriously though, my options are (and this paraphrased): A) Attend to those two personally, B) Order them to be taken down to the surgeon, C) Decide that, apparently, one of them won't make it, so Fisher gets to go to the surgeon and Davies is left to die, or D) Ignore the wounded and keep firing the cannons.
Now, I would like to be a caring and compassionate person, and make sure these two are okay. However, it seems that option (B) is the smarter and more responsible thing to do, so I pick that. Besides, (dammit, Jim,) I'm a sailor, not a doctor.
"Jones!" you shout, and a master's mate under your command looks at you expectantly. "Take a team of sailors and get Davies and Fisher to the surgeon."
Your gun crew leaps into action and carries the wounded away. Their screams continue to echo, but you do your best to put them out of your mind and focus on the battle.
Okay, problem solved! What's next?
We should take a moment here to establish a few important facts about you.
In this game, you take the role of a young officer in the Royal Navy of "Albion" (an imaginary nation rather like England) fighting battles at sea with "Gaul" in the time of the Napoleonic wars.
But you're not just any young officer. Nobody knows it yet, but you're going to be one of the most famous officers in all of Albion. The "Naval Chronicle" will publish stories about you; sailors will tell tall tales of your adventures; one day, if you're lucky, people will write histories about you.
Why? What makes you so notable?
I can walk and chew bubblegum at the same time?
Actual options include: A) My MAD SAILING SKILLZ, B) I can kick ass with cannons, pistols and swords, C) I'm a terrific leader, or D) "My high birth gives me strong patronage" and lets me rise in rank easier.
I pick (A), since I don't want to encounter a situation where I fail at sailing, get captured and am gutted like a fish.
Then they ask me what my second greatest ability is, so I pick option (B) from the last page (which is option (A) on this one), and say I'm great at combat. Again, I don't want to encounter a situation where I fail at fighting, and subsequently get pumped full of lead or gutted like a fish.
All right! They call me a valiant warrior of Albion. And then ask what my weakness is. I pick the second option, (D) from the first page, and say I lack patronage and my networking sucks. See, I don't mind not being high-born or having an outstanding reputation in a story like this. If anything, this will put me, the underdog, at a narrative advantage. Score!
So they tell me I won't get as many opportunities, which is fine by me. I (or my character, rather) only want to do my duty to my country.
Next, they ask which is better, my intelligence or my people skills. At first, I thought it would be great to be super smart, but then I realized that if I am a captain who cannot get my crew to listen to me, I'd get mutinied faster than you can say, "Can't we all get along?"
My options are A) All intelligence and no likeability, B) Mostly intelligence and some likeability, C) Both equally, D) Mostly likeability and some intelligence, and E) All likeability and no intelligence. I decide on the best of both worlds, (C).
They remind me to try to go for situations where I can play on my strengths. Thanks very much, I'll keep that in mind.
Now comes the fun part.
This game is set in a fictional world, similar to our own but with some differences.
For example, perhaps the ships are crewed by women. You are a young and gallant officer, but are you a young gentleman or a young lady?
And I have to quote the options, too, since they put it better than I can ever do. A) "I'm a young gentleman, of course, and rather confused by the question[,]" and (wait for it...) B) "I'm a young lady. The idea of a gentleman going to sea and being exposed to the horrors of combat--it's a frankly revolting idea."
:'D
I will just say right now that I don't find reversing sexist stereotypes and philosophies to be constructive in any way. What people should strive for is equality. So, in picking option (B), I do not expect to be catapulted into a wonderful utopia where everyone is in the place they should be and all that crap.
However, I cannot read that statement as anything other than glorious, glorious satire, since it's obviously riffing off of things men had said regarding women in the military/navy in the past (and even today). Also, picking this option should give us interesting look into the dynamics of a world in which gender roles are reversed. SO LET'S DO IT.
I quite agree. The place for a man is domestic, rearing the children and making a pleasant home for his wife. We put men up on a pedestal so that they do not need to face the hardships that women are more constitutionally suited to bear.
8D DELICIOUS SATIRE.
The officers and crew of a Royal Navy ship are all women. Let's move on.
AND WE'RE ALL BADASS AMAZON LADY SAILORS. This is getting better and better!
You are about nineteen years old now. When did you first go to sea as a Midshipwoman?
Good question. The options are: when I was a A) 3-year-old, B) 10-year-old, C) 13-year-old, or D) 16-year-old. Three years old is a bit too young, but the earlier I start, the more experience I have, so I pick (B), when I was ten.
Apparently, ten is a bit early, too, but not unusual. My sailing and gunning skills are good as a result, but unfortunately, social skills (and... trig) didn't develop as much. I have a feeling I will find it hard to be socially savvy, but what else is new?
Oh, now they're asking what my name is. I was lazy during my first playthrough, so I picked the first two options and wound up with Anne Smythe. Not very unique at all, but I'm going to go with that again because "Anne Smythe" is the name of the character that developed in my head, and this is important for what's to come. The other surnames are Brown and Baker, and for given names you can choose from Elizabeth, Honor, Mary, or Horatia (ooh, nice). Or you can input a name yourself.
But enough of that. Let's see our stats! (Yes, we get stats in this game. They're pretty cool.)
Presenting... Madam Midshipwoman Anne Smythe (shut up, spellcheck! "Midshipwoman" is totally a word!)
Age: 19
Sailing: 84
Gunnery: 74
Leadership: 57
Fighting: 70
Patronage: 30 (ouch)
Tact: 26 (even more ouch)
Likeability: 50
Honor: 55
Courage: 50
Bloodthirst: 43
Intelligence: 43
Wealth: 10 (very, very ouch)
With that out of the way, let's get back to the battle. You've dealt with the injured, in a fashion. Now, you need to keep firing your guns. But in the midst of all the excitement. . . what's the next step?
I remember this. I remember failing spectacularly at knowing the next step. Determined not to be a failure this early in the game, I restarted several times until I got it right (this was before I learned how to cheat). This is partly the reason why I wasn't bothering with naming my character.
In any case, we can: A) Swab the bore, B) Ram in the powder, C) Place the waddling in the powder, D) Load the shot, E) Run the gun out and fire, or F) I have no idea. (F) is the most honest one, and will get you a mnemonic which doesn't actually help you in any way. (A) to (D) are all incorrect, and will make your commanding officers look at you like you're an idiot. So let's pick (E).
"Run out the gun!" you yell. As the gun carriage bounces on the hull of the ship, you shout, "Fire!" One of the ratings touches the fuse to the powder, and the gun leaps back with a roar. You were correct and kept your gun firing as quickly as possible. Your able performance has helped your ship win the battle.
Yay! We're so cool.
The battle rages on, but finally the Gaulish ship hauls down its colors and surrenders.
VICTOLY.
In the aftermath of the battle, a young midshipwoman runs up to you. "Captain's compliments, ma'am, and she asks you to report to the quarterdeck."
When you get to the quarterdeck, the Captain looks over at you. "Madam Smythe! I'm rating you as an acting-lieutenant. Take a section of twenty women across to the prize and assume command. Make any necessary repairs and set sail for any Albionish port."
So I got promoted, I get my own crew, and I get my own ship? Best day EVER!
"Aye aye, ma'am! Thank you, ma'am!" You quickly gather your women and head across on your first command.
So ends chapter one! TO BE CONTINUED.