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This is just going to like spill out of me. I don't even know. I'm really dealing with some stuff right now. I'm just so confused by everything. How can God love me? It's like... I know, I talked about it earlier, that God sees me as holy and blameless and he sent his son to die for me. But why? I've done nothing to deserve his love. In fact I've
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i'm going to share something with you from a book i just finished called the ragamuffin gospel if that's cool. It's blown the doors off what I used to view grace as being. Now I realize that there is nothing deeper than God's grace in anything....here it is
"Is Jesus enough?" Is His love mediated through spouse, children, and friends enough? Must I grasp for something else? Will the incessant clanging of my addictions, wants, and desires steal my Promethean fire? Must I wander again into the far country in search of God knows what? I harbor one legitimate fear: Having been given a seat at the wedding feast, the thought of ever going back into the misery and filth-the cold and the darkness of highways and hedges, the streets and alleys of a self-centered life-fills me with holy dread. From the depth of my heart I pray, in the words of St. Augustine, Lord Jesus, don't let me lie when I say that I love you...and protect me, for today I could betray you.
I just find that passage so liberating, just because it shows me that God knows that our failures and our wandering minds toward other desires and wants are going to be part of the ride...and believe me jeff I'm not saying there's a solution. In fact, there couldn't be, because I don't think grace would be as powerful if there was. But I am saying that God expects us to fall flat on our faces.
The only thing...and i mean ONLY thing you are called to do is to accept the message that God is head over heels in love for you. And if we are still tainted by the idea that we can still do something to make God love us more, we are in fact rejecting what He already did for us. And that's always hard to grasp because humans view love as having dignity. God's love is undignified, it's furious, and it's so much in magnitude and undeserving, that it's embarassing.
Also, faith means that "we want God and want to want nothing else." But read that carefully...that we want to want something else. Not "we want God and want nothing else." Whoever says that is idealistic, but they aren't telling the truth. And God knows that. Think about that.
Imagine this...He's whispering to you right now....you have My love. You don't have to pay for it. You didn't earn it and can't deserve it. You just have to come to terms with who you are and take ownership of your weaknesses and receive my love. I am with you. I am for you. I am in you. I expect more failure from you than you expect from yourself. Just accept my love and take it! That's it.
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