(no subject)
Hi Sweetie,
WOw...it sure has been awhile since I've talked to you... With the HELLIDAYS over I was thinking that I'd be ready to tackle some stuff...like looking for a job, not staying in my jammies all day, not cry 2+ times per day.... but, NOPE... I'm stuck...
I've been having an increase in the panic attacks, and they knock me out....ugh... shaking when driving into town.... they've definitely LESSENED, but...still there... oh well...
I bet Christmas was HUGE up there, huh? LOL..!! I imagined that it was a huge party and you were opening your favorite presents and you had helped decorate the tree and helped wrap the presents...but then again, you're supposed to have EVERYTHING you need up there - so what would you get each other? Who knows....but i guess that's why God gave us Imagination...and Hope....although i'm not feeling much "hope" these days...
u know...i SHOULD be working...i SHOULD be because, well, we're broke...and supposedly the distraction of working might help this grief....and, you know, having money for FOOD is a good thing...and i hate that because I don't, Stephen has to and does.... but...honestly.... i'm friggan scared!!
YOu know i wasn't one to really be AFRAID of anything...well except roller coasters, scary movies and all of the mom worries about what could happen to you (yeah, that served me well, eh?)... but now I feel AFRAID of soooooooooooo much!
What the hell happened to me???? I've turned into this person that I don't even recognize! You wouldn't either.... i mean, me...AFRAID to work?! I've been working since i turned 15 1/2... I'm supposedly a people person and i make everyone laugh.... but.. now... it seems so forced and fake sometimes....
wow, am i blabbering on and on about nothing, huh? sometimes it's hard to get my thoughts in order...
well, it's foggy and rainy and the snow is melting....so by the end of the day it will be a muddy yucky mess out there... yippee.....
i always think of you when it snows...well, and when i breathe, but that's besides the point!
I came across a birthday poster you made for me, a few actually.... so FUNNY! It was for my 38th birthday - my last birthday with you in it.... sucks sucks sucks
watch out for my Stephen, will ya? I mean you're so NOT around me... but could you get your ass down here once in a while and hold Stephen up?... i'd appreciate it, ok? He needs it...badly...
The dogs are sleeping behind me as i type - Sammy KNOWS that something happened to you...he was always a smart doggie.... Abby, not so much... she's just a happy-go-lucky dog who just wants to be playing and the center of attention...(remind you of anyone??) and Molly, you never got to meet... she's a lot like Abby, but she's got the little mischief bone in her...and she's very independent..sometimes they're a lot of work but MOST of the time, it's all worth it, you know?
Ok... u gotta love this writing style, huh? jumping all over the place with thoughts...sheeeeeesh...
Remember this:
Thanks pal!! hehe WHATTA GOOBER!! I love you - I miss you...... nothing's the same without you...Nothing...
Love you,
MomMoms