(no subject)
Hi Sweetie,
Too long, I know... sometimes it’s hard to write to you because each and every time I do, I end up crying, but, I guess that’s therapeutic, or so they say....
We decorated the house like you loved... Bright obnoxious lights inside and out - but, none of them blinking cuz I get all weirded out cuz, well, I’m not in my right mind now... who knows if I ever will be...
Here’s a picture of your "shrine", and your Xmas tree:
I think it looks good, well, as good as your freakin' SHRINE can look, u know?
Here's a picture of the first ornament we bought "for you" to put on our tree...
So, Christmas is coming in a few days.... I bet there’s HUGE preparations up there in Heaven, huh? It’s a big day up there!! Just make sure you help, ok?? lol
It’s tough going through this whole Season with out you... Sh*t, it’s tough going through life with out you.... But I remember so many Christmas’ and how your eyes lit up with the presents, the trees, the decorations...Santa... Do you remember when I worked with Santa....you Loved that.... and cracked up when you found out that I had to fire one of the Santas because he was getting high in the break room!! Sheesh!!! There’s some reality for ya, huh??
And... this picture shows you with that exact Santa... remember we cracked up a year or so later when we realized that this was the “wasted Santa”!!!??? LOLOL
Toooooo funny... and the Easter Bunny i worked for also.... that's a whole other story!
You were amazing as a kid though, when it came for asking for Xmas gifts... it was never I WANT, I NEED, I HAVE TO HAVE.... it was always something sly or sarcastic (depending on your age)..I would really love Santa to bring me.... or Yo Santa, remember me, Jeff...the obnoxious one...how bout a ...... LOL
I know i have your xmas letters to santa around here somewhere.... I'd love to see them...
Grandma is coming on the 19th so that will be fun...LOUD but fun.... I wish it could be like we always did it, u know? Family, Mattie's Birthday, Xmas Eve, Xmas Morning.... but.... no more.....
Trying to build a new tradition, but Stephen and I just aren't even into it because you're just not here and you, your presence in our lives made it so much more happier, goofier, etc.... now... at least we have each other, but each of us is still in so much Pain living without you.... it's really beyond hard...
So, we’ll survive through it somehow...just like each and every day we manage to get through it...
I think of you each and every day - so many hours during the day....when I go t sleep, when I wake up.... I break down and cry at the littlest things.....
Just like all those special people that I chat with online who lost their child...it’s much worse the 2nd year, well mostly because I’m out of the BLUR...and into a REALITY that pretty much BITES!
Well, yup, as predicted, the tears are falling and the headache has arrived.... not your fault my sweetie....just life without you..... too much to handle...
I love you with all I am......
Mom
