the word
i enjoy reading because i secretly aspire to be a writer. this is for two reasons. one is because i am a far better writer than i am a speaker. this says nothing about my any writing skills i may (and probably don't) posses. if you've ever spoken to me on the phone or in person, you know it's a disaster. i am uncomfortable, stutter, and can't ever find a good resting spot for my hands (or my entire body if i'm on the phone, as i constantly pace). i can never find the right words, and i've even noticed random sounds escape from my mouth during verbal intercourses with people who i should be very comfortable speaking with. i am far more eloquent and think far more clearly when i have a chance to think about the words and type them out. i'm almost certain i'm a better reader than i am a listener. there's so much uncertainty and inflection involved in actual conversation, and apparently that's too much for me. i am truly a child of the computer age.
the second reason i enjoy reading and writing to actual conversation is pretention. when i read a book that i consider well-written (read: i understand 95% of the words and it doesn't bore me), it makes me feel smarter and more perceptive. it leads me to write things like this entry. again, if you know me, this is a coversation i could NEVER have with someone, because i'd be too busy nodding and saying such profound things as "yeah" and "mmhmm." reading books by smart people who write well makes me feel smart, and often leads me to agree with them. if i disagree, i usually don't like the book. by the same token, writing this way (i would NEVER say "by the same token" in real life) makes me feel smart too. it makes me feel like i could write a book, a magazine article, a newspaper column, (a livejournal entry) that people would read in the same way that i'm currently reading chuck klosterman, and have read chuck palahniuk, or anything else by anyone else considered "smart" or "edgy."
most people don't have the talking problem that i do, but i'm beginning to realize that most people feel the same way i do about the written word. the same person will walk up to you and say "hey dude, wanna grab a beer" and then send out an email stating "jeff and i were thinking about grabbing a frosty beverage after work, let me know if you'd be interested in joining us." somehow, my friend just got a lot wordier when sitting in front of a computer (imagine that). i think the same idea applies for other forms of media, including movies, tv shows, and definitely music. people enjoy movies like fight club, little miss sunshine, and juno because of their clever dialogue and "fuck the system" thought processes. the antihero is actually the hero, every time. you like the characters you're not supposed to like, but in acutality, the script was written to make that character the most likeable. people love watching the office because it mocks the perception of office life that most of us have become jaded into thinking is realistic, while our actual jobs are nothing like the show or the movie office space, as much as we wish they were. jon stewart and stephen colbert are extremely popular because people think they're edgy and are mocking the system that we're all supposed to accept. also, beacuse they seem more "underground" and unconcerned about money when in reality they're extremely popular millionaires. jon stewart wanted $10,000 to be the speaker at my college graduation. we got ken burns, who is probably much smarter and gave a very good speech, but many people were still bitter (myself included) because "jon stewart would have been awesome."
i started writing a whole paragraph on music, but it just made me angry. my main point with music is that many people like music that others' don't for exactly that reason. they want to seem open-minded, but it's really just more pretention. most indie rock sucks. it's just boring. i don't care that it sounds kind of like the beatles. the beatles and led zeppelin would not be popular today. they were popular because they did something new very well. copying them today makes you unoriginal and boring. everything is cyclical. a teenager listens to the popular music on the radio, then decides this sucks and starts listening to punk and shunning everything popular. then in his late teens, the same kid decides it's time to be open-minded and starts listening to hip-hop because it's underground too. this leads to the more popular (and often better) hip-hop acts, and all of a sudden johnny punk is listening to the radio again, and blasting bubble gum pop, half because it's ironic and half because he likes the music. this is no surprise because THE MUSIC WAS DESIGNED TO BE POPPY. congratulations asshole, now everybody hates you (or loves you, if you're pete wentz).
i told you the music thing made me angry. regardless, my main point still stands. people think they like forms of media because they're "original" or "underground" or "edgy." in reality, everyone else is thinking the same thing, and the offbeat has become mainstream. everybody just pretends it's not. i fall 100% into this category. most people have far superior conversational skills than i, but we all idolize jon stewart for the same reason (that and he is awesome). we all want to be a part of something bigger, but we think we're doing it in our own way. we all want to be organically famous, but the truth is virtually nobody is. i thought about writing this in my band's blog so there would be more of a chance that others would read it. i still secretly hope that i'll be published one day.