the big stick
i got a new chapstick. it's huge. and awesome.
jordan got it for me cos he loves me and he knows how much i love chappy stix. i collect unique or novelty ones as well as really fun flavors. this one is a hugggggeee stick. it's great.
he came to visit me this weekend.
...i've been having a really rough time here @ school. things haven't been going well at all. and i've been pretty unhappy i guess. i feel not so good about a lot right now. academics, friends, the social scene here @ school, my really tight budget, my boyfriend (who's great, but is 300 miles away), and mostly issues with people and communication and or conflict here.
i've had fairly significant issues with most of my close friends here within the last 2 weeks. and that makes it hard.
i wrote in here awhile ago that jason and i had been having problems, i finally took the time to sit down with him this past week and try to resolve that stuff and talk to him about how he's been making me feel -- it took 5 hours. which is ridiculous, i know.
septa (our public transportation in philly) is on strike, so jen and i have acquired a new roommate - my good friend mary (jane's sister) from high school. she has no way of getting to work now on a daily basis and i live only several blocks from her office. so she's moved in essentially for the last week and this upcoming week.
there were a TON of issues related to (i almost put r/t which is the medical shorthand for related to, haha) the pharm exam i was supposed to have last week. due to the septa strike, we're having it tomorrow. there WERE a lot of issues with that, and the prof, and the class, but it's resolved now and it's a long story so i'm not going to get into it.
academically -- this subject matter we're covering right now is really kind of hard for me. which is frustrating cos usually i pick up these things rather quickly. the problem is, it's all abstract, which is challenging. it's neuro. the focus is much more on a cellular level and chemical level than body systems or particular organ's functions. so anyway, i've been really really beating the stuff into my head over the last week in a desperate attempt to feel accomplished, and it's starting to work. i'm starting to really get the hang of it and feel more on top of it. plus it really helps that we're only dealing with neuro/psych stuff right now -- no more peds. thank god. *whew*
my focuses are jsut so different this year from last year. and where i choose to put my emotional energy is very different also this year. last year i was single for a large part of the academic year, and i'm definitely feeling some of the frustrations i can remember having last fall when i was in a relationship and here in philadelphia. only now i'm doing the same thing from 6 hrs away.
it sucks that we're away (geographically) from one another but it's better than last year because we're together (a couple, i mean) and we know that we both really love each other and want to be with each other. so this year it's just not a question of what we want and who we are and all that fun stuff. we already did that last year, we know what we want now....we just don't have it right now.
but it's still something.
so, jordan came to see me this weekend (it wasn't an originally planned/scheduled visit) because i'm having a really rough time right now. i've been feeling incredibly burnt out here @ jeff because of having not only crappy teachers and tests this year, but an exam every week for the last 6 weeks (and it's going to keep going for 3 more weeks straight) that is worth 50% of my grade. it's a hell of a lot of stress to do midterms and finals for 9 weeks straight. good lord, i mean, that's like, 2 months straight. not only that, but emotionally i'm feeling COMPLETELY drained between now having an unexpected third roommate, dealing with jason and his issues, doing a 6hr long distance relationship, trying to work on my communication issues/skills, trying to continue to motivate myself and feel passionate about what i'm doing - even though this school is killing me, and feeling pressured to always be happy and cheery and perfect, and spending 16hrs a week at least taking care of needy sick potentially dying people (that in itself can be emotionally draining depending on the patient).
so anyway, basically some ppl have expressed their concern to me about my happiness i geuss. because "i've always been a really optimistic happy people loving person" and they feel that some of that is slipping. it hurts a lot to hear that, but in complete honesty, maybe there's a little truth to it. i'm still the same person i've always been, i'm just having to accomodate my current situation at the moment. i'm having to adapt to it and do what i need to do in order to protect myself and do what's best for me. and i'm sure when things calm down a bit here, i too will return to normal. afterally, my context is changing right now, and i've got to change with it in order to be healthy. we're constantly evolving into what we need to be in order to deal with where we are at that moment in time.
and the reality is, i'm working really hard and trying really hard.
but i will try harder.
i will try to do the things i can control to help my situations.
and i've already begun that process. i've resolved things with jason, and our new roomie has gotten herself fairly established at our place, and jordan and i had a long long honest talk, and i'm changing my academic approach for now, and i'm working on my communication skills., and i'm being persistent with my academic material that is greatly challenging me right now, and i'm trying to be the best girlfriend i know how to be, and the best friend i know how to be. i'm working on not putting myself in situations where others can make me feel badly about myself, and i'm working on not being so critical or negative. and i'm really into this clinical rotation and trying to find the best in it despite hurdles i've encountered. i'm really into trying to learn a ton about neuro and being really good at it and finding positive things to like about my clinical instructor and that whole situation. and most importantly i'm working on taking care of me, cos without that, i can't do any of the above.
i'm trying....to work on it all.
i hope that it's evident and that it starts to show, even if it's just a little bit. because i really do care.
and like i already said -- i got a new chapstick, so of course, life is really looking up. ;) lol
jordan got it for me cos he loves me and he knows how much i love chappy stix. i collect unique or novelty ones as well as really fun flavors. this one is a hugggggeee stick. it's great.
he came to visit me this weekend.
...i've been having a really rough time here @ school. things haven't been going well at all. and i've been pretty unhappy i guess. i feel not so good about a lot right now. academics, friends, the social scene here @ school, my really tight budget, my boyfriend (who's great, but is 300 miles away), and mostly issues with people and communication and or conflict here.
i've had fairly significant issues with most of my close friends here within the last 2 weeks. and that makes it hard.
i wrote in here awhile ago that jason and i had been having problems, i finally took the time to sit down with him this past week and try to resolve that stuff and talk to him about how he's been making me feel -- it took 5 hours. which is ridiculous, i know.
septa (our public transportation in philly) is on strike, so jen and i have acquired a new roommate - my good friend mary (jane's sister) from high school. she has no way of getting to work now on a daily basis and i live only several blocks from her office. so she's moved in essentially for the last week and this upcoming week.
there were a TON of issues related to (i almost put r/t which is the medical shorthand for related to, haha) the pharm exam i was supposed to have last week. due to the septa strike, we're having it tomorrow. there WERE a lot of issues with that, and the prof, and the class, but it's resolved now and it's a long story so i'm not going to get into it.
academically -- this subject matter we're covering right now is really kind of hard for me. which is frustrating cos usually i pick up these things rather quickly. the problem is, it's all abstract, which is challenging. it's neuro. the focus is much more on a cellular level and chemical level than body systems or particular organ's functions. so anyway, i've been really really beating the stuff into my head over the last week in a desperate attempt to feel accomplished, and it's starting to work. i'm starting to really get the hang of it and feel more on top of it. plus it really helps that we're only dealing with neuro/psych stuff right now -- no more peds. thank god. *whew*
my focuses are jsut so different this year from last year. and where i choose to put my emotional energy is very different also this year. last year i was single for a large part of the academic year, and i'm definitely feeling some of the frustrations i can remember having last fall when i was in a relationship and here in philadelphia. only now i'm doing the same thing from 6 hrs away.
it sucks that we're away (geographically) from one another but it's better than last year because we're together (a couple, i mean) and we know that we both really love each other and want to be with each other. so this year it's just not a question of what we want and who we are and all that fun stuff. we already did that last year, we know what we want now....we just don't have it right now.
but it's still something.
so, jordan came to see me this weekend (it wasn't an originally planned/scheduled visit) because i'm having a really rough time right now. i've been feeling incredibly burnt out here @ jeff because of having not only crappy teachers and tests this year, but an exam every week for the last 6 weeks (and it's going to keep going for 3 more weeks straight) that is worth 50% of my grade. it's a hell of a lot of stress to do midterms and finals for 9 weeks straight. good lord, i mean, that's like, 2 months straight. not only that, but emotionally i'm feeling COMPLETELY drained between now having an unexpected third roommate, dealing with jason and his issues, doing a 6hr long distance relationship, trying to work on my communication issues/skills, trying to continue to motivate myself and feel passionate about what i'm doing - even though this school is killing me, and feeling pressured to always be happy and cheery and perfect, and spending 16hrs a week at least taking care of needy sick potentially dying people (that in itself can be emotionally draining depending on the patient).
so anyway, basically some ppl have expressed their concern to me about my happiness i geuss. because "i've always been a really optimistic happy people loving person" and they feel that some of that is slipping. it hurts a lot to hear that, but in complete honesty, maybe there's a little truth to it. i'm still the same person i've always been, i'm just having to accomodate my current situation at the moment. i'm having to adapt to it and do what i need to do in order to protect myself and do what's best for me. and i'm sure when things calm down a bit here, i too will return to normal. afterally, my context is changing right now, and i've got to change with it in order to be healthy. we're constantly evolving into what we need to be in order to deal with where we are at that moment in time.
and the reality is, i'm working really hard and trying really hard.
but i will try harder.
i will try to do the things i can control to help my situations.
and i've already begun that process. i've resolved things with jason, and our new roomie has gotten herself fairly established at our place, and jordan and i had a long long honest talk, and i'm changing my academic approach for now, and i'm working on my communication skills., and i'm being persistent with my academic material that is greatly challenging me right now, and i'm trying to be the best girlfriend i know how to be, and the best friend i know how to be. i'm working on not putting myself in situations where others can make me feel badly about myself, and i'm working on not being so critical or negative. and i'm really into this clinical rotation and trying to find the best in it despite hurdles i've encountered. i'm really into trying to learn a ton about neuro and being really good at it and finding positive things to like about my clinical instructor and that whole situation. and most importantly i'm working on taking care of me, cos without that, i can't do any of the above.
i'm trying....to work on it all.
i hope that it's evident and that it starts to show, even if it's just a little bit. because i really do care.
and like i already said -- i got a new chapstick, so of course, life is really looking up. ;) lol