All the Myriad Jeffs
People misspell my name. They do. Holy molybdenum. And I have proof.
Back in 1985, when I became a technical editor at PC Tech Journal, tech companies started sending me stuff. A lot of it was press releases, some of it was swag (Carol still wears some of the T-shirts as summer nightgowns) and a great deal of it was product. Somewhere along the way, somebody misspelled my name on a mailing label. No biggie; it had happened before. It was funny, so I cut out the label and taped it to my office door to amuse passersby.
Two weeks later, I got another one. I cut it out and taped it to the bottom of the first label I had taped to my office door. For the next 17 years, I would semiregularly get shipping labels upon which someone had utterly murdered my name. And not just my last...which is understandable enough. But how many myriad ways are there to spell "Jeff?"
Lots. Each time I got one (most of the time; I let duplicates and some odd permutations get away) I cut it out and taped it to the bottom of the last label in what had become a fairly long string. At some point the string stretched from high eye-level almost to the floor, so I started a second string. Eventually I had to start a third. And a fourth. The strings of funny labels followed me from PC Tech Journal to Turbo Technix to PC Techniques/Visual Developer. When I emptied my desk on that horrible day in 2002 that it all caved in for good, I piled my strings of labels into the bottom of a box and threw a great deal of other stuff on top of it. I tried several times to empty the box, but it was so emotionally wrenching I never quite got to the bottom of the box.
Until now. And lo! There they were!
Most of them were me. A few were sent to mythical firms like The Coriolanus Group, The Cariotis Group, the Coryoless Group, and once to The Coriolis Group at 3202 East Germany. (It was actually Greenway.) The scan at the top of this entry simply serves as evidence that I didn't make it all up.
How were all these mistakes made? No mystery there: All the people who sent the labels took my name over the phone. I had MCI Mail by 1985, and CompuServe not long after that (76711,470) but the PR universe was a generation behind us nerds. And so when I thought I spoke "Jeff Duntemann" clearly to a rep, she wrote down "Jeff Stuntman." Or maybe "Jess Tuntemann." Or...well, see for yourself:
Jeff Stuntman
Gaff Duntemann
Jess Tuntemann
Jeff Duntenann at Turbo Space Technix
Jeff Duntem
Jeff Sullivan
Jeff Puntemann
Jeff Donteman
Steve Duntemann
Ms. Temann
Jeff Dunte-Mann
Jeff Duntermann
Juff Duntemann
Carol Dunkemann
Jeff Quntemann
Jeff Dunkmann
Jeff Deniemann
James Duntemann
Jeff Dunningham
Nancy Duntemann
Jeff Dunttemann
Jeff Duntamun
Jeff Duncan
Jeff Punteann
Don Temann
Jeff Duntecmann
Jeff Dundemann
John Duntemann
Jeff Doutermann
Jeff Donovan
Jeffis Sutemann
Jeff Duntavent
Jeff Doutemon
Prof. Jeff Mr. Duntemann