Actions vs. Words
So everyone's pretty familiar with the phrase "actions speak louder than words", but I received a very black & white example of it last week.
My ex boyfriend was actually pretty always romantic--maybe sometimes over the top, which is basically what I became accustomed to regarding relationships because that's just how it's always been for me. His words however, didn't always coincide. I've developed a habit of holding my tongue--at least when I'm angry--in order to not say something I'll know I'll regret as soon as I say them. I have a track record of being pretty vicious with my words when I'm heated. He was one to say whatever he was feeling (being open is good) but with the intent of malice. I always told myself he didn't really mean them and he was just hurt, but that didn't change the fact that he DID say them and they were thoughts he must have been harboring to begin with.
Josh isn't really big on the ideas of grandeur romance, but he really pays attention to the little details. And he's very affectionate. Sometimes I think he doesn't pay attention to a lot of the things I say but then he turns around and totally surprises me. We've obviously had our differences with things and I start getting down and gloom which brings about silly questions to the forefront of my mind...which I voice (as I do). But our arguments are always calm. Nobody raises their voice (maybe I do sometimes), but there's no name-calling or insults. We talk through it like adults. Very unlike the raging shout matches that resulted in tears and storm-offs which were the usual with the ex.
I've been reading a lot and thinking not so much haha. Most everything says that in order to have a happy and healthy relationship, you shouldn't compare your past relationships to your current. I don't think it's necessarily wrong. And it's not really the significant other I end up comparing--it's the person who I was in the relationship. Because of that, I can see how wonderful my current relationship really is.
I still get silly thoughts now and then, but I'm able to reign it in and talk myself down (most days) because it is absolutely ridiculous. I obviously still have a lot of working on me to do, and I'm just glad that Josh gives me the space and freedom to do it. Sometimes it's nice to be able to sleep in your own bed. And to be able to lie as diagonally as you want :)
My ex boyfriend was actually pretty always romantic--maybe sometimes over the top, which is basically what I became accustomed to regarding relationships because that's just how it's always been for me. His words however, didn't always coincide. I've developed a habit of holding my tongue--at least when I'm angry--in order to not say something I'll know I'll regret as soon as I say them. I have a track record of being pretty vicious with my words when I'm heated. He was one to say whatever he was feeling (being open is good) but with the intent of malice. I always told myself he didn't really mean them and he was just hurt, but that didn't change the fact that he DID say them and they were thoughts he must have been harboring to begin with.
Josh isn't really big on the ideas of grandeur romance, but he really pays attention to the little details. And he's very affectionate. Sometimes I think he doesn't pay attention to a lot of the things I say but then he turns around and totally surprises me. We've obviously had our differences with things and I start getting down and gloom which brings about silly questions to the forefront of my mind...which I voice (as I do). But our arguments are always calm. Nobody raises their voice (maybe I do sometimes), but there's no name-calling or insults. We talk through it like adults. Very unlike the raging shout matches that resulted in tears and storm-offs which were the usual with the ex.
I've been reading a lot and thinking not so much haha. Most everything says that in order to have a happy and healthy relationship, you shouldn't compare your past relationships to your current. I don't think it's necessarily wrong. And it's not really the significant other I end up comparing--it's the person who I was in the relationship. Because of that, I can see how wonderful my current relationship really is.
I still get silly thoughts now and then, but I'm able to reign it in and talk myself down (most days) because it is absolutely ridiculous. I obviously still have a lot of working on me to do, and I'm just glad that Josh gives me the space and freedom to do it. Sometimes it's nice to be able to sleep in your own bed. And to be able to lie as diagonally as you want :)