(no subject)
I had to write an 'anecdotal story' for my production delivery book. It's 5:00 in the AM, and the things not due for another day or so, but I wanted to get it done, so I set myself a time limit and a goal to make it as funny as possible without rewriting anything or stopping to think. I haven't read it yet, but in retrospect I bet it's awesome. Want to read it?, Okay, here goes:
Anecdotal Story
When I was producifying the snot out of this so-called Film-To-End-All-Films, I had a few unusual experiences. Here's one that makes me look good:
On the first day of production, I had asked my close friends, Ryan and Alletta, to come to set and help me with paperwork. At the last minute, though, they totally bailed on me, ostensibly to attend their own wedding - although what kind of excuse is that, really?
Anyhow, my two friends were getting hitched. 3,500 miles away, the crew and I were swealtering under the heat and humidity of a summer day in sunny Florida (state motto: The Humid State). I decided, in the infinite benevolence that is my producerly splendor, to go get the crew some sweet slushies at Sonic, and sped off northwards in service of that aim.
On the way to America's Drive-In™, my buddy E-Mac called me on the car phone, and - get this - was at the wedding of the two aforementioned capricious compatriots, Ry-Ry and A-Bomb. As I hurtled up North Monroe, Sonicbound as it were, E$ set the scene of the nuptial event. I couldn't see what was going on, but through the magic of tecknowledgy, I could "picture it in my head," so to speak, with an invigorating degree of accuracy.
Then, as I arrived at the Drive-In™, I heard strains of music. The Wedding was about to start! I muted the phone and hurried to order as many slushies as possible, not wanting to miss the exchanging of vows, but it's tough there, you know, becuase there are like at least ten flavors to choose from, and its hard to guess what kind people want -- is anyone even going to want lime if I get it or should I just get a bunch of cherry, or maybe I'll just get one, though I'm afraid that maybe then a bunch of people will see the one flavor I only got one of and suddenly not want what I got a lot of but want that, and there won't be enough, and everyone will end up ticked off even though they did get slushies on set which, if I don't mind saying so, is pretty awesome and they should just be happy with whatever flavor because I can't just babysit everyone all the time when it comes to this sort of thing.
I'm sure Ryan had some nice things planned to say, but I missed them; by the time I finished my order up we were on to the bride's vows. She sounded pretty choked up, and I was too; it was a special moment -- so special, in fact, that I didn't even bother to roll up the window of the car by the drive-in speaker.
So I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised, really, when the suddenly very loud attendant confirmed, "SO YOU WANT 24 SLUSHIES 2 GRAPE 1 LIME 5 CHERRY 4 STRAWBERRY 4 COCOANUT 4 PISTACHIO-ALMOND 4 CREME BRULE THAT WILL BE $32.45 WITH TAX WE'LL HAVE IT RIGHT OUT TO YOU".
The mic on my car phone is really nice, and the speaker on E-Mac's cell is pure gold, so it was pretty darn loud over there on the west coast. Loud enough that the whole wedding stopped.
There wasn't anything to hear for a long moment, and then, like the inevitable tides of the mighty Pacific, there came the unmistakable sound of a Weeping Bride. I couldn't see, but 'in my head' I could picture the grooms father starring - either shooting me a dirty look, or else eyeballing that beautiful 5-teered cake he didn't have to buy.
As sound of Aletta's weeping grew in pitch and intensity, I knew I had to do something.
I knew I had to Produce.
Quickly, over the phone line to the assembled guests a country away, I began to speak: "Okay guys, well, I'm really pretty happy with the way the wedding's gone so far, and I know we just got stopped up there on the last settup, but we were on time the rest of the afternoon, so I know if we just buckle down and push through, we can definitely make our day."
At first, I heard only silecne. Then a single, soft clap. Then another, and another, then ten, then twenty, then literally hundreds of thousands of friends, family and well-wishers erupted into spontaneous applause. Once again, I was a hero.
But Ben didn't seem to like the grape slushie very much.
HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??
Anecdotal Story
When I was producifying the snot out of this so-called Film-To-End-All-Films, I had a few unusual experiences. Here's one that makes me look good:
On the first day of production, I had asked my close friends, Ryan and Alletta, to come to set and help me with paperwork. At the last minute, though, they totally bailed on me, ostensibly to attend their own wedding - although what kind of excuse is that, really?
Anyhow, my two friends were getting hitched. 3,500 miles away, the crew and I were swealtering under the heat and humidity of a summer day in sunny Florida (state motto: The Humid State). I decided, in the infinite benevolence that is my producerly splendor, to go get the crew some sweet slushies at Sonic, and sped off northwards in service of that aim.
On the way to America's Drive-In™, my buddy E-Mac called me on the car phone, and - get this - was at the wedding of the two aforementioned capricious compatriots, Ry-Ry and A-Bomb. As I hurtled up North Monroe, Sonicbound as it were, E$ set the scene of the nuptial event. I couldn't see what was going on, but through the magic of tecknowledgy, I could "picture it in my head," so to speak, with an invigorating degree of accuracy.
Then, as I arrived at the Drive-In™, I heard strains of music. The Wedding was about to start! I muted the phone and hurried to order as many slushies as possible, not wanting to miss the exchanging of vows, but it's tough there, you know, becuase there are like at least ten flavors to choose from, and its hard to guess what kind people want -- is anyone even going to want lime if I get it or should I just get a bunch of cherry, or maybe I'll just get one, though I'm afraid that maybe then a bunch of people will see the one flavor I only got one of and suddenly not want what I got a lot of but want that, and there won't be enough, and everyone will end up ticked off even though they did get slushies on set which, if I don't mind saying so, is pretty awesome and they should just be happy with whatever flavor because I can't just babysit everyone all the time when it comes to this sort of thing.
I'm sure Ryan had some nice things planned to say, but I missed them; by the time I finished my order up we were on to the bride's vows. She sounded pretty choked up, and I was too; it was a special moment -- so special, in fact, that I didn't even bother to roll up the window of the car by the drive-in speaker.
So I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised, really, when the suddenly very loud attendant confirmed, "SO YOU WANT 24 SLUSHIES 2 GRAPE 1 LIME 5 CHERRY 4 STRAWBERRY 4 COCOANUT 4 PISTACHIO-ALMOND 4 CREME BRULE THAT WILL BE $32.45 WITH TAX WE'LL HAVE IT RIGHT OUT TO YOU".
The mic on my car phone is really nice, and the speaker on E-Mac's cell is pure gold, so it was pretty darn loud over there on the west coast. Loud enough that the whole wedding stopped.
There wasn't anything to hear for a long moment, and then, like the inevitable tides of the mighty Pacific, there came the unmistakable sound of a Weeping Bride. I couldn't see, but 'in my head' I could picture the grooms father starring - either shooting me a dirty look, or else eyeballing that beautiful 5-teered cake he didn't have to buy.
As sound of Aletta's weeping grew in pitch and intensity, I knew I had to do something.
I knew I had to Produce.
Quickly, over the phone line to the assembled guests a country away, I began to speak: "Okay guys, well, I'm really pretty happy with the way the wedding's gone so far, and I know we just got stopped up there on the last settup, but we were on time the rest of the afternoon, so I know if we just buckle down and push through, we can definitely make our day."
At first, I heard only silecne. Then a single, soft clap. Then another, and another, then ten, then twenty, then literally hundreds of thousands of friends, family and well-wishers erupted into spontaneous applause. Once again, I was a hero.
But Ben didn't seem to like the grape slushie very much.
HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??