The Word of the Day is 'Limerance'
Word of the Day - Limerance
While randomly surfing around Wikipedia (I'm strange, I know) I came across this term...
Limerance: An involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.
The term was invented by Prof. Dorothy Tennant in the 1970's. She theorized there are 3 types of love: "loving attachment" (long-lasting love between a couple), "loving affection" (love between parent and child), and limerance.
Limerance is "foremost a condition of cognitive obsession." All events the limerant perceives return his or her thoughts to the object of desire (the "limerant object") consistently.
When a limerant fantasizes about his/her limerant object the fantasy must be strongly rooted in reality because the end goal (reciprocation) must feel achievable. Often the fantasies focus on a tragic moment. This tells me I haven't experienced limerance very much in my life--my fantasies about women I'm attracted to almost inexorably lead to a scenario involving the Princess Leia Metal Bikini outfit. Tragedy is not involved.
However, I remember back in elementary school (I started young) and going into middle school, there was a girl I was absolutely crazy about. I sat next to her in math class and devoted most of my time to making her laugh (which may explain why I suck at math to this day). I had this recurring fantasy where on a class trip to the Milwaukee Zoo, a baby falls into the Grizzly Bear area. (Alright, so it's not completely realistic, but work with me here.) I then bravely climb into the thick of things and rescue the baby, but a Grizzly claws me to shreds. My beloved limerant object leans close as I gasp out "I have always loved you." As the world goes dark and my end draws near, I barely hear her confess: "I love you too!"
Cheesy? Yes. But for an 11-year-old, it was compelling stuff.
Also according to Wikipedia, relationships where both persons feel limerant toward each other are unstable and are not prone to lasting long. This makes no sense to me--if both people are so 'in love' that they obsess about the other to the point of distraction, and that obsession is reciprocated, wouldn't that basically stabilize things? It seems to me the least stable relationship would also be the kind that Wiki says is the most prevalent: a "mixed" relationship where one person is limerant toward the other, but the other is not. The non-limerant person would eventually get tired of the limerant's obsessive-ness, which often leads to possessive-ness. (Which leads to fear, which then leads to anger, which leads to... well, you know.)
Relationship gurus also theorize that mixed relationships where the man is limerant but the woman is not are more prone to failure, and point to the fact that more divorces are initiated by the woman as supporting evidence.
So what do y'all think? Have you ever experienced limerance toward someone? Or had someone feel limerant toward you?
While randomly surfing around Wikipedia (I'm strange, I know) I came across this term...
Limerance: An involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.
The term was invented by Prof. Dorothy Tennant in the 1970's. She theorized there are 3 types of love: "loving attachment" (long-lasting love between a couple), "loving affection" (love between parent and child), and limerance.
Limerance is "foremost a condition of cognitive obsession." All events the limerant perceives return his or her thoughts to the object of desire (the "limerant object") consistently.
When a limerant fantasizes about his/her limerant object the fantasy must be strongly rooted in reality because the end goal (reciprocation) must feel achievable. Often the fantasies focus on a tragic moment. This tells me I haven't experienced limerance very much in my life--my fantasies about women I'm attracted to almost inexorably lead to a scenario involving the Princess Leia Metal Bikini outfit. Tragedy is not involved.
However, I remember back in elementary school (I started young) and going into middle school, there was a girl I was absolutely crazy about. I sat next to her in math class and devoted most of my time to making her laugh (which may explain why I suck at math to this day). I had this recurring fantasy where on a class trip to the Milwaukee Zoo, a baby falls into the Grizzly Bear area. (Alright, so it's not completely realistic, but work with me here.) I then bravely climb into the thick of things and rescue the baby, but a Grizzly claws me to shreds. My beloved limerant object leans close as I gasp out "I have always loved you." As the world goes dark and my end draws near, I barely hear her confess: "I love you too!"
Cheesy? Yes. But for an 11-year-old, it was compelling stuff.
Also according to Wikipedia, relationships where both persons feel limerant toward each other are unstable and are not prone to lasting long. This makes no sense to me--if both people are so 'in love' that they obsess about the other to the point of distraction, and that obsession is reciprocated, wouldn't that basically stabilize things? It seems to me the least stable relationship would also be the kind that Wiki says is the most prevalent: a "mixed" relationship where one person is limerant toward the other, but the other is not. The non-limerant person would eventually get tired of the limerant's obsessive-ness, which often leads to possessive-ness. (Which leads to fear, which then leads to anger, which leads to... well, you know.)
Relationship gurus also theorize that mixed relationships where the man is limerant but the woman is not are more prone to failure, and point to the fact that more divorces are initiated by the woman as supporting evidence.
So what do y'all think? Have you ever experienced limerance toward someone? Or had someone feel limerant toward you?