tears among tears
soo ya i tryed soo hard not to cry today but yeah right we all knew that that wouldnt happen. i saw him and my heart just droped out of my chest right to the floor. and i hate it soo much. i asked my english teacher if i could go to the ag room. i knew he had ag that per but the shop is my home away from home. i walked into mr.ds office without looking at him and tears just came down my face. i cryed till lunch. owen and collin went with me soo that was good. i dono how i can deal with this situation at all its just killing me. im suppost to be next to him not some other bitch. his bed was my bed. his house was my house. i still remember the 1st kiss. outside his house after soccer practice hannah was driving the mustang. i was soo scared to kiss him. the st time we made out was on my bed and i loved it! i love his kisses. i know sooo much about him. more than anyother person could. if i was talking to him i would know exactly what he was doing and it use to be vice versa. i read his letters lastnight and i couldnt stop crying. in 1 of the letters like a week before we were together, he was talking about how tough of a girl i was and the last thing he wrote before he signed it was "I love you" and that hurt soo bad. in another one he said that he would alwayz be there for me whenever i needed him no matter what happend between us. where is he now? huh? I wonder if he truly knows how i feel about him or if he truly knows how he feels about me? i dono but i alwayz hated how he use to hide his emotions. for a while there i broke into his mind and got him to speak his feeling then he closed up again. for almost a year my life has evovled around this boy. and now still after 3 months of not being "together" i still cant live my life the way i use to. my thoughts still evolve around him and i hate him soo much. alright i need to stop cuz im goin to start crying if i keep goin. but i did but all the letters, pics and even the roses he gave me when i was in the hospital in a box( that i brought my shit from his house home in) in the top of my closet.