(no subject)
So try as I might to not get into any more television shows, I never seem to last long without finding a new obsession. The latest in the line? Bad Girls. Which is all well and good. Especially since it has quite a lot of the girly love. So right up my alley naturally. One problem. It's a UK show. And with my dial up, downloading episodes at a shot is pretty impossible, nevermind the fact it's hard to find full eps anyway. And buying the DVD's passed the first season isn't the easiest option either because of not having a regionless DVD player.
Thankfully, I've managed to scrape by in finding some things. But I really need to stop adding on to my ships.
Speaking of ships, I've had this update to Breakaway sitting on my HD for the last week or so, but I wanted to start the next chapter following it before posting. So tonight I managed to get a couple paragraphs out, so now I feel better about posting it. lol
We stood there, staring at each other for a good minute, the operator’s nasally voice echoing over the line, repeatedly asking me for a listing before finally disconnecting me.
“I don’t know why I expected this place to be different.” Haley finally speaks up, her eyes roaming around my bedroom, as if she hasn’t seen it in years.
“Just because you changed doesn’t mean everything does.” I couldn’t keep the bite out of my tone. And I’m honestly not sure if I even wanted to. Haley hurt all of us when she left, not just Nathan. And with all the people that have abandoned me in my lifetime, I really didn’t expect her to be the next in line. I think I was more disappointed than anything.
The little devil perched precariously on my shoulder jumps up in glee when I see her flinch. I honestly don’t know what she was expecting to come back to. Hugs and kisses?
“I haven’t changed Peyton.” She says it so quietly I wonder if she’s trying to convince me or herself of it.
“No, of course you haven’t. Because the Haley James that I knew, she would run off in the middle of the night, ditching her husband and all her friends behind to chase after some egomaniacal little wannabe. And there’s no doubt that she wouldn’t even bother to try and call and see how everyone was doing.” The further along I got in my little speech, the more resentful I started feeling. And I didn’t like it.
People make mistakes, I’m a prime example of that. One word. Lucas. I really shouldn’t be as hard on her as I’m being. But there’s something just driving me on. It might be my overwhelming anxiety at what’s looming ahead once I step on that plane, but that’s really no excuse.
Haley shakes her head, looking down at the floor for a moment. “I didn’t come here to fight with you Peyton. Lucas told me you were going through some stuff and I wanted to see if I could help. It’s the least I could do.”
Lovely, Lucas is sharing my secrets now too. I’m beginning to really rethink this whole friendship angle with him. With friends like him, do I really even need enemies. That’s harsh, I know it as soon as I think it, but I’m feeling so raw that I can barely even feel bad about it.
I let out a hollow laugh, my lovely chipper mood not being tamed by Haley’s continued presence. “It really is the least. But I don’t have time even if I wanted to get into it with you. I’ve gotta get to the airport.” I turn my back to her, glancing around my bedroom trying to make sure I haven’t forgotten to pack something.
“You’re leaving?”
Turning around I smirk at her surprised face. “If you can do it, so can I.” She flinches again and I decide I’ve been enough of a bitch to her. I’m taking so many other things out on Haley, and it’s just not fair. I take a deep breath, trying to settle my nerves so that I don’t snap again. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ve just got a lot of things going on right now, and I’m kind of in a hurry. You’re timing just sucks.”
As I’m rushing around, making sure that my computer and stereo are unplugged, I can feel Haley’s gaze following me. “You’re going out to California.” It’s not a question, and it’s enough to stop me in my hurried tracks.
I play dumb. Does everyone freaking know? “What makes you say that?”
Haley smiles a little, yep, she knows. “Because that’s where Brooke is.”
I can feel the blush traveling up my cheeks, even as I spit out a rather weak denial. “So?”
Haley’s smile just grows. She doesn’t have to say a word. And I’m oddly comforted by what seems to be her easy acceptance of the idea. Feeling her eyes still locked on me I glance over at the clock on my nightstand, realizing I still haven’t called the cab company. At this rate I’m so going to miss my flight.
I must have verbalized my frustrations with some kind of grunt, because the next thing I’m aware of is Haley’s fingers wrapped around my forearm, guiding me out of my bedroom, my hands loaded down with my suitcases and my two duffels slung over her small shoulders.
“Come on, I’ll take you to the airport.”
I really don’t deserve her kindness after the nasty way I treated her when she showed up in my bedroom. So I mumble a quiet thank you as I load my luggage into her trunk. As I’m strapping myself into the front seat I vaguely wonder when Haley got a car.
We pull up to the front of the terminal and as I’m getting out the butterflies in my stomach start their Olympic training all over again. Placing my luggage onto the little cart the attendant was kind enough to roll over to me, my hands start shaking almost uncontrollably. I’m honestly starting to wonder if I have the strength to go through with this.
Just as I’m contemplating jumping back into the car, Haley captures one of my shaking hands in between her own. She smiles up at me serenely, calming my nerves a bit.
“There’s absolutely nothing to worry about Peyton. Trust me.”
“How can you be so sure?” Really, how can she just know that, especially after being gone so long.
She lets go of me, giving me a little push towards the spinning glass doors leading to the ticket counter. “I just do. And you will too. Now go get your skinny ass onto that plane. Brooke’s waiting for you.”
I nod my head blankly, watching as she pulls away from the curb. I’m beginning to wonder when all of my friends turned into Yoda, this whole wise sage stuff they’ve been spewing really starting to get weird.
Thirty minutes later I’m sitting in my seat, the window of course, my luck just not coming through the last few hours. I glance outside to the tarmac, seeing the line of planes in front of us waiting to take off. Looks like I’m in for a long wait. Probably not the best thing considering I can feel the panic starting to build already. The longer we sit here the more time I have to start freaking out.
The plane starts to move again, almost like a lineup at a fast food drive through. At that exact moment my hip starts vibrating. I discretely shift myself to face out the window, flipping it open and bringing it to my ear, not even bothering to check the caller ID.
“You ass better be sitting in some horribly upholstered uncomfortable plane seat.” Hearing Brooke’s voice immediately puts me at ease, even as I’m watching the plane moving further down the runway.
“And if it’s not?” I tease her.
“Well I’ve been sitting here reading your journal all day, so I’m too wiped out to think of a witty comeback. But I don’t need to because I can hear the jet engines.” I take a big mental gulp at her mention of my journal again. I can only imagine how far she’s gotten since the last time we talked.
“So did you finish it?” I ask hesitantly
“I skipped over some of the more Lucas and Nathan centric entries, cause, well yuck. But yeah, I got to the last one.” I can just picture her nose scrunching up when she mentioned some of the more detail oriented times I vented in those pages. I don’t blame her for jumping past those.
“And I shouldn’t be trying to find an escape hatch on the plane somewhere?” I can’t help but still feel hesitant.
Brooke scoffs at that. “Would you stop it already. I’m telling you P Sawyer, you make me reassure you one more time and the only thing you’ll be getting when you land is a big spanking.”
I laugh to cover the desire that particular thought inspired in me. Visions of Brooke in a tight red leather body suit, cat o nine tail in hand causing my whole body to feel like molten lava has replaced the blood in my veins. I’m surprisingly not upset by the idea though, which is comforting. I think I might just be ready for this step into the unknown with my best friend.
Before I can even think of a witty retort, Brooke cuts me off. “And don’t even think about calling me kinky, it’s redundant. Besides, you know I’m not kidding.” She teases me, although I know that she really isn’t joking. I’ve been on the receiving end of a butt smack or two of hers. Girl has got quite the palm on her.
“Miss, you need to turn that off now, we’re ready for takeoff.” The flight attendant kindly interrupts us. I couldn’t be mad at her, because she very well could have just gotten all pissy with me, I know better not to use a cell on the plane anyway.
I smile at her, nodding my head in acknowledgement. “Listen Brooke, I gotta go, we’re about to takeoff.”
“Ok blondie, be safe, I’ll see you soon.”
“Yep, soon.” I sigh into the phone, an equal mix of anticipation and fear coloring my voice. After pressing end I return the phone to my back pocket, before getting a nice firm grip on my armrest. As the engines crank up and we build speed down the runway, I’m reminded again of that first trip with Brooke. I feel a content smile spread itself across my face, and for the first time today, I’m filled with a total sense of peace. Nothing is going to be the same between me and Brooke. But I’m really starting to be ok with that. And it’s an amazing feeling.
Thankfully, I've managed to scrape by in finding some things. But I really need to stop adding on to my ships.
Speaking of ships, I've had this update to Breakaway sitting on my HD for the last week or so, but I wanted to start the next chapter following it before posting. So tonight I managed to get a couple paragraphs out, so now I feel better about posting it. lol
We stood there, staring at each other for a good minute, the operator’s nasally voice echoing over the line, repeatedly asking me for a listing before finally disconnecting me.
“I don’t know why I expected this place to be different.” Haley finally speaks up, her eyes roaming around my bedroom, as if she hasn’t seen it in years.
“Just because you changed doesn’t mean everything does.” I couldn’t keep the bite out of my tone. And I’m honestly not sure if I even wanted to. Haley hurt all of us when she left, not just Nathan. And with all the people that have abandoned me in my lifetime, I really didn’t expect her to be the next in line. I think I was more disappointed than anything.
The little devil perched precariously on my shoulder jumps up in glee when I see her flinch. I honestly don’t know what she was expecting to come back to. Hugs and kisses?
“I haven’t changed Peyton.” She says it so quietly I wonder if she’s trying to convince me or herself of it.
“No, of course you haven’t. Because the Haley James that I knew, she would run off in the middle of the night, ditching her husband and all her friends behind to chase after some egomaniacal little wannabe. And there’s no doubt that she wouldn’t even bother to try and call and see how everyone was doing.” The further along I got in my little speech, the more resentful I started feeling. And I didn’t like it.
People make mistakes, I’m a prime example of that. One word. Lucas. I really shouldn’t be as hard on her as I’m being. But there’s something just driving me on. It might be my overwhelming anxiety at what’s looming ahead once I step on that plane, but that’s really no excuse.
Haley shakes her head, looking down at the floor for a moment. “I didn’t come here to fight with you Peyton. Lucas told me you were going through some stuff and I wanted to see if I could help. It’s the least I could do.”
Lovely, Lucas is sharing my secrets now too. I’m beginning to really rethink this whole friendship angle with him. With friends like him, do I really even need enemies. That’s harsh, I know it as soon as I think it, but I’m feeling so raw that I can barely even feel bad about it.
I let out a hollow laugh, my lovely chipper mood not being tamed by Haley’s continued presence. “It really is the least. But I don’t have time even if I wanted to get into it with you. I’ve gotta get to the airport.” I turn my back to her, glancing around my bedroom trying to make sure I haven’t forgotten to pack something.
“You’re leaving?”
Turning around I smirk at her surprised face. “If you can do it, so can I.” She flinches again and I decide I’ve been enough of a bitch to her. I’m taking so many other things out on Haley, and it’s just not fair. I take a deep breath, trying to settle my nerves so that I don’t snap again. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ve just got a lot of things going on right now, and I’m kind of in a hurry. You’re timing just sucks.”
As I’m rushing around, making sure that my computer and stereo are unplugged, I can feel Haley’s gaze following me. “You’re going out to California.” It’s not a question, and it’s enough to stop me in my hurried tracks.
I play dumb. Does everyone freaking know? “What makes you say that?”
Haley smiles a little, yep, she knows. “Because that’s where Brooke is.”
I can feel the blush traveling up my cheeks, even as I spit out a rather weak denial. “So?”
Haley’s smile just grows. She doesn’t have to say a word. And I’m oddly comforted by what seems to be her easy acceptance of the idea. Feeling her eyes still locked on me I glance over at the clock on my nightstand, realizing I still haven’t called the cab company. At this rate I’m so going to miss my flight.
I must have verbalized my frustrations with some kind of grunt, because the next thing I’m aware of is Haley’s fingers wrapped around my forearm, guiding me out of my bedroom, my hands loaded down with my suitcases and my two duffels slung over her small shoulders.
“Come on, I’ll take you to the airport.”
I really don’t deserve her kindness after the nasty way I treated her when she showed up in my bedroom. So I mumble a quiet thank you as I load my luggage into her trunk. As I’m strapping myself into the front seat I vaguely wonder when Haley got a car.
We pull up to the front of the terminal and as I’m getting out the butterflies in my stomach start their Olympic training all over again. Placing my luggage onto the little cart the attendant was kind enough to roll over to me, my hands start shaking almost uncontrollably. I’m honestly starting to wonder if I have the strength to go through with this.
Just as I’m contemplating jumping back into the car, Haley captures one of my shaking hands in between her own. She smiles up at me serenely, calming my nerves a bit.
“There’s absolutely nothing to worry about Peyton. Trust me.”
“How can you be so sure?” Really, how can she just know that, especially after being gone so long.
She lets go of me, giving me a little push towards the spinning glass doors leading to the ticket counter. “I just do. And you will too. Now go get your skinny ass onto that plane. Brooke’s waiting for you.”
I nod my head blankly, watching as she pulls away from the curb. I’m beginning to wonder when all of my friends turned into Yoda, this whole wise sage stuff they’ve been spewing really starting to get weird.
Thirty minutes later I’m sitting in my seat, the window of course, my luck just not coming through the last few hours. I glance outside to the tarmac, seeing the line of planes in front of us waiting to take off. Looks like I’m in for a long wait. Probably not the best thing considering I can feel the panic starting to build already. The longer we sit here the more time I have to start freaking out.
The plane starts to move again, almost like a lineup at a fast food drive through. At that exact moment my hip starts vibrating. I discretely shift myself to face out the window, flipping it open and bringing it to my ear, not even bothering to check the caller ID.
“You ass better be sitting in some horribly upholstered uncomfortable plane seat.” Hearing Brooke’s voice immediately puts me at ease, even as I’m watching the plane moving further down the runway.
“And if it’s not?” I tease her.
“Well I’ve been sitting here reading your journal all day, so I’m too wiped out to think of a witty comeback. But I don’t need to because I can hear the jet engines.” I take a big mental gulp at her mention of my journal again. I can only imagine how far she’s gotten since the last time we talked.
“So did you finish it?” I ask hesitantly
“I skipped over some of the more Lucas and Nathan centric entries, cause, well yuck. But yeah, I got to the last one.” I can just picture her nose scrunching up when she mentioned some of the more detail oriented times I vented in those pages. I don’t blame her for jumping past those.
“And I shouldn’t be trying to find an escape hatch on the plane somewhere?” I can’t help but still feel hesitant.
Brooke scoffs at that. “Would you stop it already. I’m telling you P Sawyer, you make me reassure you one more time and the only thing you’ll be getting when you land is a big spanking.”
I laugh to cover the desire that particular thought inspired in me. Visions of Brooke in a tight red leather body suit, cat o nine tail in hand causing my whole body to feel like molten lava has replaced the blood in my veins. I’m surprisingly not upset by the idea though, which is comforting. I think I might just be ready for this step into the unknown with my best friend.
Before I can even think of a witty retort, Brooke cuts me off. “And don’t even think about calling me kinky, it’s redundant. Besides, you know I’m not kidding.” She teases me, although I know that she really isn’t joking. I’ve been on the receiving end of a butt smack or two of hers. Girl has got quite the palm on her.
“Miss, you need to turn that off now, we’re ready for takeoff.” The flight attendant kindly interrupts us. I couldn’t be mad at her, because she very well could have just gotten all pissy with me, I know better not to use a cell on the plane anyway.
I smile at her, nodding my head in acknowledgement. “Listen Brooke, I gotta go, we’re about to takeoff.”
“Ok blondie, be safe, I’ll see you soon.”
“Yep, soon.” I sigh into the phone, an equal mix of anticipation and fear coloring my voice. After pressing end I return the phone to my back pocket, before getting a nice firm grip on my armrest. As the engines crank up and we build speed down the runway, I’m reminded again of that first trip with Brooke. I feel a content smile spread itself across my face, and for the first time today, I’m filled with a total sense of peace. Nothing is going to be the same between me and Brooke. But I’m really starting to be ok with that. And it’s an amazing feeling.