(no subject)
Okay...my life sucks. I know that, but I have now accepted the fact that a lot of it is my fault. I put myself into bad situations, I screw things up, and I don't TRY. It's possible that I'm afraid to try. I'm afraid of failing, being rejected, afraid of making the wrong decisions, afraid of the responsibilities that come with it all. It's sort of like I'm waiting around for someone else to come along and make my decisions and to figure things out for me...and to make me happy. I am an intelligent person, but I have no common sense. I'm not practical or reasonable. I don't think about tomorrow until it's already come and gone and by then it's too late. I used to be so worried about what my family thought about my life. I just kept wondering about whether they approved or if they would be proud of me. I couldn't care less about what they think now. My mom is pretty much phased out of my life. I talk to her on the phone maybe once a month. My dad is an ignorant paranoid violent psychotic moron who's only concern right now is getting me out of the house so that he doesn't have to waste any more money on me. Maybe that's why my friends are so important to me. I don't have any real "family" so I sort of transfer all that over to them. Added to all of this, I'm lonely. I have my friends, yeah, but...I'm lonely. One of my friends once said that he could be happy if he felt that he was significant to someone, someone who was significant to him. I think that would make me happy, too. We all want to feel important to someone, to feel needed, wanted, loved...I haven't felt that way in quite a while.
Uuuhhhgg....this is very depressing...
Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.
It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Mirror Girl - stares back at me -
With a Look that knows too much -
And a Skin that's never felt the Burn
Of a soft - caressing - Touch
She speaks with Lips that smile - and laugh-
But never have been - Kissed -
And cries with careful - Countenance -
That never has been missed
The Mirror Girl is cold and crystal -
Hard enough to feel -
But who's to say, on the other side,
She's not the One who's real?
The Mirror Girl is a Stoic Thing -
That does not pain or ache -
But while I suffer and endure -
The Mirror Girl merely - breaks -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...to be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two shall be born, the whole wide world apart,
And speak in different tongues and have no thought
Each of the other's being, and no heed;
And these, o'er unknown seas, to unknown lands
Shall cross, escaping wreck, defying death;
And all unconsciously shape every act
And bend each wandering step to this one end -
That one day out of darkness they shall meet
And read life's meaning in each other's eyes.
And two shall walk some narrow way of life
So nearly side by side that, should one turn
Ever so little space to left or right,
They needs must stand acknowledged, face to face,
And yet, with wistful eyes that never meet,
And grasping hands that never clasp, and lips
Calling in vain to ears that never hear,
They seek each other all their weary days
And die unsatisfied - and this is Fate!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fear is a strange thing. What causes it? Why are we afraid of one thing and not another? If we weren't taught to be afraid, would we still feel fear? Here's a question for you to think about...what would you do if you weren't afraid?
Uuuhhhgg....this is very depressing...
Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.
It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Mirror Girl - stares back at me -
With a Look that knows too much -
And a Skin that's never felt the Burn
Of a soft - caressing - Touch
She speaks with Lips that smile - and laugh-
But never have been - Kissed -
And cries with careful - Countenance -
That never has been missed
The Mirror Girl is cold and crystal -
Hard enough to feel -
But who's to say, on the other side,
She's not the One who's real?
The Mirror Girl is a Stoic Thing -
That does not pain or ache -
But while I suffer and endure -
The Mirror Girl merely - breaks -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...to be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two shall be born, the whole wide world apart,
And speak in different tongues and have no thought
Each of the other's being, and no heed;
And these, o'er unknown seas, to unknown lands
Shall cross, escaping wreck, defying death;
And all unconsciously shape every act
And bend each wandering step to this one end -
That one day out of darkness they shall meet
And read life's meaning in each other's eyes.
And two shall walk some narrow way of life
So nearly side by side that, should one turn
Ever so little space to left or right,
They needs must stand acknowledged, face to face,
And yet, with wistful eyes that never meet,
And grasping hands that never clasp, and lips
Calling in vain to ears that never hear,
They seek each other all their weary days
And die unsatisfied - and this is Fate!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fear is a strange thing. What causes it? Why are we afraid of one thing and not another? If we weren't taught to be afraid, would we still feel fear? Here's a question for you to think about...what would you do if you weren't afraid?