Letter #305 Isn't it Time for Us to be Given the Chance to be Happy again? - Posted on 04/12/10
September of 2008, three months of happiness to repay 1 year and 7 months of waiting
Following that, we were given another disappearance from the Kpop scene
And soon after, times of hardships came upon us once more,
.
.
And those hardships are still continuing to grow
Junsu, how long has it been?
How long as it been since we just sat and comforted each other?
How long have we been doing nothing but shed tears of sorrow?
How much more do our hearts have to be crushed?
We must have done something horrendous in our past life, we must be receiving our punishment for it
I'm not sure exactly what we did wrong... but Park Yoochun, do you know?
I think we really did do something wrong.
Why else would things like this be happening to us right now, right?
Shim Changmin, you aren't feeling resignation at everything we've done, right?
Trying to keep mtself holding on, when I feel so resigned, is so hard
Whenever I see myself falling over time and time again
It's hard because I look so pitiful, getting up in tears every time
Right around here is when I feel my limit
I'm smaller than you
I'm not as amazing as you
I don't shine as much as you
I can't bear to have you look at me
All I am is one measly fan.
I hate blaming myself like this
I hate feeling depressed like this
I hate becoming a coward like this
I hate getting weaker and weaker like this
I really miss you, I miss you so much that the longing blinds me.
Are my wishes left unfulfilled because I'm the only one who want them so bad?
Or, is it my fault for doing nothing but foolishly wanting what I want?
You are horrible people.
You always make my heart break down
But not once have you soothed it
I try to forget my pain by thinking about how much you are hurting
But because all it looks like is the five of you walking on the roads you want to walk on
Because your individual decisions feel so cold like ice...
I'm so scared to approach you
Kim Jaejoong, is this what happens to everyone who grows up?
Is this because I haven't grown up yet?
Will I become a person who will embrace everything when I get older?
Then will my heart stop hurting so much?
Yunho, is there still hope left for us?
How much time do we have left together?
As the days pass, my heart constricts more.
My mind has become more stupid, maybe because it's gotten used to this
But my heart still stings, it still hurts
You keep fading from my sight
And I write every day like this to savor you before you fade away completely.
Because I want to keep you in my heart in whatever way possible.
In the early hours of the morning, your songs cross my mind.
You... never leave me alone, you're constantly there.
.
.
.
Yes, I still think in such childish ways
I still put all the blame on you
Aren't I pitiful?
But will you hear me out?
There's one reason why I put my heart on paper.
Because it would be so sad if you lived never knowing what my heart felt.
When my heart is hurting so much right now,
Because I think it'll hurt more if I just ignore it..
So all I'm doing is trying to feel better.
It's okay if you think of it as a childish rant by a foolish kid.
Because all these words are truths ringing from my heart.
I can promise you one thing.
TVXQ will be my first and last star.
Because if you present me with joy, I will forever cherish that joy and love you forever and ever
and if you present me with sorrow, I'll close my heart off first so that I never experience such pain ever again.
by. bluegirl
Source: [Naver Blog]
Translation credits: jeeelim5@tohosomnia.net
Shared by: tohosomnia.net
Do not remove/add on any credits