(no subject)
i'm sexually dead. this is NOT a good thing, for it goes against a very large part of my basic nature. i have been rather depressed for several weeks now... perhaps it has something to do with me haveing given up sexually to the point of loseing intrest in even jokeing/teasing about it all? if so, something needs to be done soon! however, im pretty sure its damn too late. but perhaps that thoguht is what depresses me even more to the point of given up.
i crave tender love, and sweet romance. i fear to even think of this topic for with valientines day comeing up and me haveing, but not haveing, a guy that hopeing will be desatourous but i know even expecting the worst will make me sad if i get it. i have total faith something sweet will be done, but my needs far outgrow this, and emotionally i am drained while still being draind more for trying to help him. i know i shouldnt complain since i have a date for hearts day, and in fact i was asked out by anouther guy not even 3 weeks ago! ...i'm a catch aparently, i just want to be treated as one. irony i love but it evily loves me back.
in the meantime.... i've been looking around for maybe a gf.... i'm only 20 and damn it, i still want to live and be sexual and i certinitly want to have sex with more guys... however my morals (luckily and unluckily) are still around so i certintly cant do one-night stands, etc. besides... im a bit of a dud right now and am looking for feelings of love even in the form of a new friendship if not long-term relationship. it's hard to be young, pansexual, but unable to "proform"
some friends have started to go back to school, so my semester off regiment will probably be starting soon. i have some big plans, and lots of creative ideas, some of which will hopefully bring in some money! lol
the past weeks have been allright... i've been clubbing twice (its a lot of fun), hung out with danielle quite a bit and meg l. a bit (its great hanging with old friends and getting to be better new friends), and was able to drink a little (man... what i'd do for a whole bottle of dark red wine! lol), and ive finnially finished up in the basement where i was setting up an art studio, so i should be doing some nice work soon i hope! truthfully though, i hope some really good things happen because with my current state of simi-depression its rough... i also got a friend slightly hooked on neverwinter nights, which makes me grin happily, but i also seem to be forgotten or abanded by friends and people i talked with a lot only a few months ago even.
i am sorry to have such boreing and pathetic/sad entries... but such is life currently... i'm very sorry though to u all.
i crave tender love, and sweet romance. i fear to even think of this topic for with valientines day comeing up and me haveing, but not haveing, a guy that hopeing will be desatourous but i know even expecting the worst will make me sad if i get it. i have total faith something sweet will be done, but my needs far outgrow this, and emotionally i am drained while still being draind more for trying to help him. i know i shouldnt complain since i have a date for hearts day, and in fact i was asked out by anouther guy not even 3 weeks ago! ...i'm a catch aparently, i just want to be treated as one. irony i love but it evily loves me back.
in the meantime.... i've been looking around for maybe a gf.... i'm only 20 and damn it, i still want to live and be sexual and i certinitly want to have sex with more guys... however my morals (luckily and unluckily) are still around so i certintly cant do one-night stands, etc. besides... im a bit of a dud right now and am looking for feelings of love even in the form of a new friendship if not long-term relationship. it's hard to be young, pansexual, but unable to "proform"
some friends have started to go back to school, so my semester off regiment will probably be starting soon. i have some big plans, and lots of creative ideas, some of which will hopefully bring in some money! lol
the past weeks have been allright... i've been clubbing twice (its a lot of fun), hung out with danielle quite a bit and meg l. a bit (its great hanging with old friends and getting to be better new friends), and was able to drink a little (man... what i'd do for a whole bottle of dark red wine! lol), and ive finnially finished up in the basement where i was setting up an art studio, so i should be doing some nice work soon i hope! truthfully though, i hope some really good things happen because with my current state of simi-depression its rough... i also got a friend slightly hooked on neverwinter nights, which makes me grin happily, but i also seem to be forgotten or abanded by friends and people i talked with a lot only a few months ago even.
i am sorry to have such boreing and pathetic/sad entries... but such is life currently... i'm very sorry though to u all.