On Weddings
You'd think that my continued unemployment would mean I'd post a little more often. Guess not. Oh, well.
In any case, the theme of this month is apparently weddings. I had a couple friends get married the first weekend in June, another couple this last weekend, and yet another pair getting hitched on July 2nd. My girlfriend's brother is getting married next weekend, I'm heading to my Uncle's wedding in August, and I was just invited to another wedding in September. Suffice to say... everyone is getting married.
Despite the outliers like my uncle, it's really just an indicator of the phase of my life that I'm in right now. I guess that first wave of weddings always happens right when everyone gets out of college (especially when that college is Pepperdine). As we head out into the great unknown of the Real World (TM), we all want to have that special someone standing by our side, joining our adventure for all the ups and downs it entails.
These last couple weddings have been absolutely beautiful. The first was for an amazing couple that is totally, 100% focused on having a marriage that will glorify God. They’ve been together since high school, and they’ve been through a lot together in that time. The second couple has been together for only a couple of years, but they’ve been there for each other through some difficult times, and have come out as one of the strongest and most responsible couples I know. There is zero doubt in my mind that these couples are going to be together for the rest of their lives, accomplishing great things.
It’s not something that can be said for a lot of couples today. I overheard a conversation today where a woman was talking about her pending engagement. “He gave me a promise ring,” she said, “but I’m not wearing it because I’m pissed.” Marriage is not something to be put on or off based on one’s mood. You can’t say to your spouse, “I’m mad at you right now- let’s not be married for a couple days.” It just doesn’t work like that. A promise like that can’t change so easily.
Love, as we see it defined in our culture, seems to be an exchange of affection that will stick around as long as both sides are enjoying themselves. But the goal of a marriage should not be to enjoy oneself. If that’s what a couple is shooting for, they’ll be sorely disappointed. Romance is beautiful, and it’s certainly a gift from God. But it does not last forever. The rush of emotions, the passionate exchanges of words and affection, is not permanent. Sooner or later, the brilliant sheen of romance will dim, showing couples the foundation underneath, and leaving them to determine if that foundation is still something worth standing on.
That foundation, as far as I can tell, consists of three words- no matter what*. They’re scary words- I fully understand the stereotypical “scared of commitment” guy. You’re saying, in your early or mid twenties, that you are going to put someone ahead of yourself, spend most of your time with them, offer them your all, for a period of time that is, in all likelihood, two or three times as long as you have been alive thus far. It’s easy to say if you’re focused on the here and now, if you haven’t thought through what you’re actually committing to, or if you assume the good times will never end. But otherwise you’re looking at fifty, sixty, seventy years of unknown quantities and making a promise that yes, I will be standing here next to you. No matter what.
Love- real love, not just romance- is hard, if not darn near impossible. It’s how God loves us, and he calls us to love each other the same way. No matter what. I’ve never been at that point, and I’m definitely not getting there anytime in the immediate future. But perhaps someday, by the grace of God, I will be ready to take that plunge. In the meantime, I will sit on the sidelines and celebrate those who are. Next wedding is in two weeks, and I couldn’t be more excited.
*My father will tell you that the foundation of a healthy marriage is actually two words- “yes, dear”- but I’m pretty sure that only applies to the men.
In any case, the theme of this month is apparently weddings. I had a couple friends get married the first weekend in June, another couple this last weekend, and yet another pair getting hitched on July 2nd. My girlfriend's brother is getting married next weekend, I'm heading to my Uncle's wedding in August, and I was just invited to another wedding in September. Suffice to say... everyone is getting married.
Despite the outliers like my uncle, it's really just an indicator of the phase of my life that I'm in right now. I guess that first wave of weddings always happens right when everyone gets out of college (especially when that college is Pepperdine). As we head out into the great unknown of the Real World (TM), we all want to have that special someone standing by our side, joining our adventure for all the ups and downs it entails.
These last couple weddings have been absolutely beautiful. The first was for an amazing couple that is totally, 100% focused on having a marriage that will glorify God. They’ve been together since high school, and they’ve been through a lot together in that time. The second couple has been together for only a couple of years, but they’ve been there for each other through some difficult times, and have come out as one of the strongest and most responsible couples I know. There is zero doubt in my mind that these couples are going to be together for the rest of their lives, accomplishing great things.
It’s not something that can be said for a lot of couples today. I overheard a conversation today where a woman was talking about her pending engagement. “He gave me a promise ring,” she said, “but I’m not wearing it because I’m pissed.” Marriage is not something to be put on or off based on one’s mood. You can’t say to your spouse, “I’m mad at you right now- let’s not be married for a couple days.” It just doesn’t work like that. A promise like that can’t change so easily.
Love, as we see it defined in our culture, seems to be an exchange of affection that will stick around as long as both sides are enjoying themselves. But the goal of a marriage should not be to enjoy oneself. If that’s what a couple is shooting for, they’ll be sorely disappointed. Romance is beautiful, and it’s certainly a gift from God. But it does not last forever. The rush of emotions, the passionate exchanges of words and affection, is not permanent. Sooner or later, the brilliant sheen of romance will dim, showing couples the foundation underneath, and leaving them to determine if that foundation is still something worth standing on.
That foundation, as far as I can tell, consists of three words- no matter what*. They’re scary words- I fully understand the stereotypical “scared of commitment” guy. You’re saying, in your early or mid twenties, that you are going to put someone ahead of yourself, spend most of your time with them, offer them your all, for a period of time that is, in all likelihood, two or three times as long as you have been alive thus far. It’s easy to say if you’re focused on the here and now, if you haven’t thought through what you’re actually committing to, or if you assume the good times will never end. But otherwise you’re looking at fifty, sixty, seventy years of unknown quantities and making a promise that yes, I will be standing here next to you. No matter what.
Love- real love, not just romance- is hard, if not darn near impossible. It’s how God loves us, and he calls us to love each other the same way. No matter what. I’ve never been at that point, and I’m definitely not getting there anytime in the immediate future. But perhaps someday, by the grace of God, I will be ready to take that plunge. In the meantime, I will sit on the sidelines and celebrate those who are. Next wedding is in two weeks, and I couldn’t be more excited.
*My father will tell you that the foundation of a healthy marriage is actually two words- “yes, dear”- but I’m pretty sure that only applies to the men.