(no subject)
My intentions are good. I swear. But how can you prove good intentions to those who just don't chose to listen? Or to those who are proabably listening but just don't understand? It's rough. I should have given up already but I actually have some shred of optimism still in me. I keep pushin' on. Keep on wasting my time doing things that I'll regret later. Is that what my life is is just a bunch of regrets? That's not satisfactory right now. It won't do but yet I won't change it.
Glance at the calendar. My insides are fubar. Sigh after sigh for 23 years. Yeah it's that 'oh so wonderful' day of the year again. Nobody really understands unless they've lost this game I've been losing for so long now. They might understand slightly, but not completely. And that's just adding to the sadness. Pity party time.
I hate this day. As if I needed to have it rubbed in that I am alone. As if it wasn't already difficult enough to climb into my bed alone again just like I've done day after day for far too long. As if I would actually ever stop trying to trick myself that I'm fine being single.
I just want to believe that I deserve something like love. It is there... and I am loved... and I am thankful and very grateful, but it's just not the same kind of love that I yearn for.
And I know I'm better than this. I know I should shut up and stop my complaining. I have no reason to bitch and whine.
Two options: give it up or suck it up. Defeat or denial basically.
Oh, and in other news... this magician's got one card left up his sleeve... we'll see how that goes tomorrow.
-Steve
Song of the Day:
"Ender Will Save Us All" by Dashboard Confessional
Glance at the calendar. My insides are fubar. Sigh after sigh for 23 years. Yeah it's that 'oh so wonderful' day of the year again. Nobody really understands unless they've lost this game I've been losing for so long now. They might understand slightly, but not completely. And that's just adding to the sadness. Pity party time.
I hate this day. As if I needed to have it rubbed in that I am alone. As if it wasn't already difficult enough to climb into my bed alone again just like I've done day after day for far too long. As if I would actually ever stop trying to trick myself that I'm fine being single.
I just want to believe that I deserve something like love. It is there... and I am loved... and I am thankful and very grateful, but it's just not the same kind of love that I yearn for.
And I know I'm better than this. I know I should shut up and stop my complaining. I have no reason to bitch and whine.
Two options: give it up or suck it up. Defeat or denial basically.
Oh, and in other news... this magician's got one card left up his sleeve... we'll see how that goes tomorrow.
-Steve
Song of the Day:
"Ender Will Save Us All" by Dashboard Confessional