Revenge of the Sith
I have to say, I am quite amazed where one wanders back. When drunk, I find myself looking forward as much as I find myself checking old entries, logging on to the chat.
I feel as if I am an immortal being, who watches and entire civilization rise and fall. Ancient texts, written in the glory days when cartoons and random bullshit brought us together. There was a simpler time out there, and it meant quite a bit to us. Tonight, I find myself at home, drunk from what may or may not have been a very productive meeting, and I can't help but wonder if this is where growing up leads.
Sure, philosophy tells us we are always growing up, but in truth I sometimes wonder if growing "old and wise" is more akin to stumbling through a party with no cloths on and a blindfold round our heads. Sure, its uncomfortable, odd, and very perplexing, but one can only hope they make it outside without something happening. Even worse, I wonder "once i'm outside, naked, and take off the blindfold, what will I do then?"
Im left with the same questions I had when I left college: why the fuck do we do this? I dont mean life or living in general, Im not a suicide case, I mean the shit we do. Why the fuck do we wear ties to business meeting *and* funerals? What possesses us to half strangle ourselves with colored fabric in order to be accepted as properly grieved, or adequately learned?
My life is far from 'bad', but neither is it the shining monument we all strive for. We all want to find something, have it hurt, love, mend, break, undo, uplift or just affect us in some profound way. When did rent become a problem? Cell phones? Data plans? When did it become okay for people to rob the public blind, and NOT have the them pick up a sword and say "enough?" I suppose the answer is obvious; it has always been that way, and the exceptions are far and few between.
Still, this near to our nations Independence, I can't help but think that the group of alcoholic profit seekers who founded this great existence we all enjoy, and in whom I find some of my greatest role models, would be disgusted at how we live. And what confuses me more is that I am one of the ones destroying the dream they tried to build, on the rules they tried to impart, the same way they lived.
There is no easy answer, no good cause that we can look to. We live in an age of the half read page, and people don't matter as much as the group, the test, the line.
But the world we live in now is the best version of itself, and not in a bullshit Leibnizian optimism kind of way, but rather historical. Wars kill far less than they did in the past. More nations rely on diplomacy than conflict, disease holds less power over human societies, and even global crime is at an all time low.
Is this where we go? People like Keine looked out their window and decided "I have had enough." Where does that leave people like us? Those who stayed behind, and chose to see this thing through? Are we going t lay on our deathbeds and say "I tried" or "I did."
For myself, I don't know. I just don't know.
I feel as if I am an immortal being, who watches and entire civilization rise and fall. Ancient texts, written in the glory days when cartoons and random bullshit brought us together. There was a simpler time out there, and it meant quite a bit to us. Tonight, I find myself at home, drunk from what may or may not have been a very productive meeting, and I can't help but wonder if this is where growing up leads.
Sure, philosophy tells us we are always growing up, but in truth I sometimes wonder if growing "old and wise" is more akin to stumbling through a party with no cloths on and a blindfold round our heads. Sure, its uncomfortable, odd, and very perplexing, but one can only hope they make it outside without something happening. Even worse, I wonder "once i'm outside, naked, and take off the blindfold, what will I do then?"
Im left with the same questions I had when I left college: why the fuck do we do this? I dont mean life or living in general, Im not a suicide case, I mean the shit we do. Why the fuck do we wear ties to business meeting *and* funerals? What possesses us to half strangle ourselves with colored fabric in order to be accepted as properly grieved, or adequately learned?
My life is far from 'bad', but neither is it the shining monument we all strive for. We all want to find something, have it hurt, love, mend, break, undo, uplift or just affect us in some profound way. When did rent become a problem? Cell phones? Data plans? When did it become okay for people to rob the public blind, and NOT have the them pick up a sword and say "enough?" I suppose the answer is obvious; it has always been that way, and the exceptions are far and few between.
Still, this near to our nations Independence, I can't help but think that the group of alcoholic profit seekers who founded this great existence we all enjoy, and in whom I find some of my greatest role models, would be disgusted at how we live. And what confuses me more is that I am one of the ones destroying the dream they tried to build, on the rules they tried to impart, the same way they lived.
There is no easy answer, no good cause that we can look to. We live in an age of the half read page, and people don't matter as much as the group, the test, the line.
But the world we live in now is the best version of itself, and not in a bullshit Leibnizian optimism kind of way, but rather historical. Wars kill far less than they did in the past. More nations rely on diplomacy than conflict, disease holds less power over human societies, and even global crime is at an all time low.
Is this where we go? People like Keine looked out their window and decided "I have had enough." Where does that leave people like us? Those who stayed behind, and chose to see this thing through? Are we going t lay on our deathbeds and say "I tried" or "I did."
For myself, I don't know. I just don't know.