Until We Bleed, 1/1
Title: Until We Bleed
Fandom: Supernatural
Author: jedimastercait
Rating: T
Genre: angst
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings: mentions of character death, spoilers for 6x20
Notes: originally written on tumblr for prettybrokenthings. Coda to 'The Man Who Would Be King'.
Summary: He wonders if there's a universe where Castiel doesn't love Dean, if that's even possible. He has yet to find it, if it does exist.
"Who are you?" the mussy-haired, blue-eyed teenager asks suspiciously, tears falling from his eyes as he clutches the limp body of a bloodied, sandy-haired teenager close to his chest.
"I'm you," Castiel says calmly, tilting his head. This version of himself is not an angel, never has been. He's just a teenager, grasping tightly at the body of his dead boyfriend, a crushed Impala burning in the field behind them.
For the teen's credit, he doesn't seem shocked. Perhaps it's the resemblence, or maybe they, as two different versions of each other, have a connection. But mostly, Castiel knows it's because Dean's lying dead in his arms, and how can he possibly care about anything else at that moment?
Bending down, Castiel presses two fingers to the side of Dean's sticky, bloody head. The teen jerks and gasps for breath, unconscious but alive. The young Cas yelps in surprise and holds Dean close, looking up at him with large, tear-stained eyes.
"What are you?"
"I'm..." he hesitates, tilting his head as he stops in his track. The default answer is I'm an angel of the Lord, but that's not quite right now. Because no matter how hard he wants to believe that he's still the Good Cas, the Righteous Cas the Winchesters believe - believed - in, Dean's right. Angels don't make deals with devils. "I'm a soldier," he says finally. "In the war for Heaven."
The younger Castiel stares him, though the gaze doesn't have nearly the intensity of his own. But then again, the young boy is much more acclimated to the world of humans, much more accustomed to the social norms than Castiel ever will be.
"Why are you here?" he asks finally, still cradling Dean's body in his arms.
Castiel stares at them, the picture they make, the undying love and devotion in his younger self's caresses. It is a testament to Castiel that in every universe he has visited, he has loved Dean whole-heartedly, no matter who they are and how their lives differ. In most of them, Dean loves him back just as furiously. In a few they even have children.
A sickening stab of jealously wound its way into his heart in those dimensions, as he watched himself and Dean, happy and healthy. He would give anything for his Dean to look at him that way, with such love and devotion.
Of course, they weren't all good. Some had been downright terrible. Like the universe where the Apocalypse hadn't been averted, and Castiel had become some strung-out, wrecked human. Actually, he think the word Dean has used had been "hippie."
But Castiel had still loved Dean. Through all of them, no matter their circumstances. He wonders if there is a universe where Castiel doesn't love Dean, if that's even possible. He has yet to find it, if it does exist.
"Why are you here?" the young human version of himself asks.
Castiel stares at him. He watches the way his arms curl around Dean, how they hold him protectively, wiping away droplets of blood from his face. How he ignores his own injuries in favor of making sure Dean is all right. The way Dean's body seems to melt into Cas, like he knows who's holding him. That he's safe and loved.
"To remind myself," he says softly, voice hoarse and twinged with regret.
"Of what?"
He looks at him seriously, their blue eyes locking, the gaze between them intent as doubt creeps into his blue orbs, remembering Dean's words from their fight, how desperately the man had begged him to stop and then threatened him. How he had thrown it back in his face, determination in his voice as he dismissed his concerns. How terrified he is that perhaps Dean is right, and yet certain that there is no other option.
How much he loves Dean, and how he will do whatever it takes to keep him safe.
"Why I'm doing what I'm doing."
Then, he's gone in a flutter of wings, traveling through space and time back to his own reality. He can't stall any longer. He has Purgatory to find.
Fandom: Supernatural
Author: jedimastercait
Rating: T
Genre: angst
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings: mentions of character death, spoilers for 6x20
Notes: originally written on tumblr for prettybrokenthings. Coda to 'The Man Who Would Be King'.
Summary: He wonders if there's a universe where Castiel doesn't love Dean, if that's even possible. He has yet to find it, if it does exist.
"Who are you?" the mussy-haired, blue-eyed teenager asks suspiciously, tears falling from his eyes as he clutches the limp body of a bloodied, sandy-haired teenager close to his chest.
"I'm you," Castiel says calmly, tilting his head. This version of himself is not an angel, never has been. He's just a teenager, grasping tightly at the body of his dead boyfriend, a crushed Impala burning in the field behind them.
For the teen's credit, he doesn't seem shocked. Perhaps it's the resemblence, or maybe they, as two different versions of each other, have a connection. But mostly, Castiel knows it's because Dean's lying dead in his arms, and how can he possibly care about anything else at that moment?
Bending down, Castiel presses two fingers to the side of Dean's sticky, bloody head. The teen jerks and gasps for breath, unconscious but alive. The young Cas yelps in surprise and holds Dean close, looking up at him with large, tear-stained eyes.
"What are you?"
"I'm..." he hesitates, tilting his head as he stops in his track. The default answer is I'm an angel of the Lord, but that's not quite right now. Because no matter how hard he wants to believe that he's still the Good Cas, the Righteous Cas the Winchesters believe - believed - in, Dean's right. Angels don't make deals with devils. "I'm a soldier," he says finally. "In the war for Heaven."
The younger Castiel stares him, though the gaze doesn't have nearly the intensity of his own. But then again, the young boy is much more acclimated to the world of humans, much more accustomed to the social norms than Castiel ever will be.
"Why are you here?" he asks finally, still cradling Dean's body in his arms.
Castiel stares at them, the picture they make, the undying love and devotion in his younger self's caresses. It is a testament to Castiel that in every universe he has visited, he has loved Dean whole-heartedly, no matter who they are and how their lives differ. In most of them, Dean loves him back just as furiously. In a few they even have children.
A sickening stab of jealously wound its way into his heart in those dimensions, as he watched himself and Dean, happy and healthy. He would give anything for his Dean to look at him that way, with such love and devotion.
Of course, they weren't all good. Some had been downright terrible. Like the universe where the Apocalypse hadn't been averted, and Castiel had become some strung-out, wrecked human. Actually, he think the word Dean has used had been "hippie."
But Castiel had still loved Dean. Through all of them, no matter their circumstances. He wonders if there is a universe where Castiel doesn't love Dean, if that's even possible. He has yet to find it, if it does exist.
"Why are you here?" the young human version of himself asks.
Castiel stares at him. He watches the way his arms curl around Dean, how they hold him protectively, wiping away droplets of blood from his face. How he ignores his own injuries in favor of making sure Dean is all right. The way Dean's body seems to melt into Cas, like he knows who's holding him. That he's safe and loved.
"To remind myself," he says softly, voice hoarse and twinged with regret.
"Of what?"
He looks at him seriously, their blue eyes locking, the gaze between them intent as doubt creeps into his blue orbs, remembering Dean's words from their fight, how desperately the man had begged him to stop and then threatened him. How he had thrown it back in his face, determination in his voice as he dismissed his concerns. How terrified he is that perhaps Dean is right, and yet certain that there is no other option.
How much he loves Dean, and how he will do whatever it takes to keep him safe.
"Why I'm doing what I'm doing."
Then, he's gone in a flutter of wings, traveling through space and time back to his own reality. He can't stall any longer. He has Purgatory to find.