[7snogs] 07 - Crackle
Title: World on Fire
Author: Jedi Goat
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Pairing: Hikaru x Kaoru
Rating: T/PG-13 for language and mature themes
Warnings: Slash. Twincest. Swearing. Implied stuffs.
Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC. If I did, it would be depressing, and no one would like that.
Summary: After the other pieces. Hitachiin Yuzuha finds out the truth about the Host Club, and Hikaru and Kaoru get the third degree from their parents.
--
Snow trickled from the black skies overhead, hazing in the glow of the upper windows of the manor house as we rounded the corner toward home. We were in no hurry, despite the chill air and the flush to our features, and between us Hikaru's warm hand clasped my own.
I closed my eyes with an indulgent smile. It was the last night of our winter break, we had our sheltered domain to ourselves, and if the way Hikaru's fingers twitched tighter over mine were any indication, he planned on making every last minute until school tomorrow morning count.
When Hikaru's footsteps slowed I reopened my eyes and glanced sideways at him. I could picture his frown in the near-dark as his hand tensed over mine.
"Hika...?"
"Mom and dad," he said shortly.
I looked around wildly: in the long-deserted space in front of the house hummed a limousine, headlights glancing sharply off the icy steps. One of our drivers bent over the open trunk, hauling out a large suitcase.
I opened my mouth and closed it again as my voice failed me. "They're not supposed to be back yet..." I mumbled meekly. "Mom said they wouldn't be back..."
To my own ears, my words were a petulant plea for justification. The rising bubble of warmth in my stomach shattered, leaving me suddenly shivering and ill. I clutched tightly to Hikaru's arm as he hissed under his breath.
"Fuck..."
Hikaru broke into a run and I stumbled along in his wake through the unplowed snow. Ducking through the shadows we made it to the side entrance into the kitchen, whipping past a few bemused maids left cleaning up dishes at this hour. My head swam, the overt brightness only worsening my faintness until I was relying solely on Hikaru to keep my feet flying forward.
Why had they come back? I wondered without an answer. We'd checked and double checked; their flight back from Hawaii wasn't intended to land until we were back in school...
By some luck we reached the main staircase without opposition. Hikaru's intentions distantly hit me as we hastened for the safety of the upstairs hallway. We would claim to have been in our room the entire time, we hadn't heard them come in - we'd quickly put on a movie or something as our cover. And if we were a little red in the face, breathing a little too fast -
"Hikaru, Kaoru, there you are."
Hikaru froze on the step above me; I saw his shoulders tense and could imagine him summoning the wits to smile as he turned back. He dropped my hand as quickly as though it had scalded him.
"Mom!" he exclaimed, launching into an almost frantic air of nonchalant surprise. "You're back early, aren't you?"
Hitachiin Yuzuha peered up at us from the foyer in front of the stairwell. Her chequered coat hung open on her shoulders and she still had her handbag under one arm: she hadn't been home long. I nearly breathed out a sigh of relief, but our mother wasn't smiling, either, her hands planted on her hips.
Her gaze travelled from one pink face to the other. Any other day, we might have mustered our facade better, but she had caught us off-guard and red-handed and it was all we could do to smile under her observation. "You boys look cold. Come down, we've just sent for tea."
Hikaru didn't budge. "Actually, we have some homework to finish - Kaoru asked me for help with his math -"
"Don't be ridiculous," mom cut him off. "Come sit with us for a few minutes. We haven't had the chance to talk together as a family in far too long."
Hikaru and I looked at one another; I read his wide-eyed panic, but I could only shrug in response. We trooped in her shadow into the living room, where so often lately we had been enjoying ourselves in moderately appropriate pursuits. Mom handed off her coat and her bag to the waiting maid and indicated we should sit.
I followed Hikaru around the coffee table to the couch across from our father. He didn't look up from his perusal of the paper as we sat down. In the utter silence my heart was beating double time and I subtly swiped my palms across the edge of my jeans. Hikaru looked at me from the corner of his eye. Calm down, the look seemed to convey.
I tried. I ignored the alarm bells going off rapid fire in my head and concentrated on breathing through my nose - steadily, slowly - while I allowed my gaze to wander across the table. Mom's white laptop was propped open in front of her seat, next to the stack of video game cases that Hikaru had obviously forgotten to put away earlier. Of course, remembering why he had forgotten them had heat rising in my face just as mom sat down, neatly crossing her legs.
All at once I was too conscious of Hikaru's thigh brushing up against mine. We were sitting far closer together than usual, but if I tried to shift away now I would only draw their attention to it - that is, if mom hadn't already noticed...
A few awkward moments later a maid bustled in with a tea tray and poured four cups. I sighted my opportunity as she leaned across the table in front of us, but I felt too sick to move away. As it was I averted my gaze to the floor, hoping our bare contact would be reassurance enough. Hikaru rubbed his palms together in his lap and looked at nothing in particular.
I knew I had to collect my wits: I had to help him guard the iron gates to Our world, but I feared a crack of cold air had already slipped inside.
Mom siphoned a bit of sugar into her tea and stirred it with her spoon, stalling for time. I swallowed dryly, watching her, and tried to hide my trembling hands. The rest of us did not touch our drinks, though after a moment folding paper crackled and dad resurfaced with a slight frown.
If she had dragged him into this...
We were in trouble.
"Your father and I were checking through our email messages," she said at last, depositing her stir spoon with a light clink against her saucer. The formal delicacy had me curling my fists, struggling to gather my shot nerves. "A while ago I signed up for your Host Club's newsletter list. You hardly ever talk about school, and I wanted to be sure you were adjusting to high school."
Mom exchanged a look with dad. Though he did not speak, he looked slightly uncomfortable, and I had a sinking feeling they knew more about the club's situation than they were letting on.
"Boys," mom said, her voice quieter and more serious than I had heard in a long time, "you know we don't ask for a lot from you. We don't mind you borrowing costumes for school or bringing friends over or going out late with your club. But what I would like, just this once, is the truth."
At once all breath left my body. She knew. A familiar terror clutched at my throat and I froze, staring into her expression. Mom's jaw clenched in an obstinate expression I had thought unique to my brother. I tore my gaze back down to my lap as she reached over and turned the laptop for us to see the screen.
A page of the Host Club's website filled the view: a ménage of photos taken behind the scenes at some event or another. I vaguely recalled the traditional Heian-era cosplay, but I couldn't place when we'd worn them. What caught my attention, however, was the center of the frame captured as customers squealed all around. Hikaru and I were fully immersed in another one of our Acts, unaware of the camera's flash. Hikaru held me close, cupping my face in his hands as I gazed up at him with the partially-lidded, utterly devoted younger brother look that guaranteed to send the girls into a tizzy.
I heard Hikaru hiss faintly, fingers twitching. I didn't know how the photo had slipped through; Kyouya had a strict policy that nothing remotely incriminating appeared on our site, in case the girls' parents decided to snoop around.
I glanced quickly up at our parents, meeting the tenseness of mom's expression and the resigned restraint to dad's; then I dropped my gaze to my lap again.
We'd mused over this scenario before, acting out our parents' overblown yells and imagining ways to counter, to explain that we were only presenting what our audience wanted. Good business, you know? We knew it was only an Act; everything was staged, and besides, the majority of it happened in the girls' overactive imaginations. Hikaru and I only planted the suggestion as to what went on behind closed doors.
We'd laughed and assured each other our game was harmless. The guests pretended along with us, some of the more crazy ones maybe even believed us.
But it wasn't harmless: maybe at the start it had been a joke, our own prank on our obnoxious fans, but it wasn't any more. And if mom and dad knew the truth, none of our excuses would stand the challenge.
I didn't know how we'd talk our way out of this one.
"I didn't want to believe this was what you were doing at that club," mom went on quietly. "But this ... this is beyond anything I would have expected from you. What happened, Hikaru, Kaoru? What made you possibly think this was acceptable?"
Her shaking voice escalated and I flinched. Old words, old thoughts beat at the back of my mind: Unnatural ... vulgar...
She knew. She knew. The notion echoed endlessly in my head and an old hated brand flared at the back of my consciousness. I knew I was breathing too quickly, too shallowly, petrified by her words.
"Boys?" she implored.
"That ... we can explain..." Hikaru said faintly. He hardly sounded certain, though, and his mind was surely racing toward a suitable conclusion. I needed to back him up, but sparks flickered distractingly at the edges of my vision.
"Please do explain all of this." Mom's voice hardened. "Do you have any idea how your fooling around reflects on this family?"
"Yuzuha," dad said quietly in face of her growing ire. Mom didn't heed him.
"I don't know what ideas that vulgar club put into your minds, but this isn't right! If I had known that they were encouraging this - I would have never let you near those boys, mark my words! And don't think you'll be going back, either!"
"Mom, it's not what you think!" Hikaru had gathered his wits and stiffened straight in his seat, eyes flashing. "We just ... it's an Act, everyone knows we're only pretending, and -"
"An act! Is that what you call it? Then how, pray tell, do you justify what happened this week? Practice, was it?"
At those words I forgot to breathe entirely; Hikaru stumbled momentarily over his words and I felt his leg tense against mine. "Wha-what do you mean, this week?"
"The house staff had some interesting things to report, you know!" mom bristled and her escalating tone bordered on hysteric. "My sons, the moment my back is turned...! - How long has this act of yours been going on? - Hikaru, how could you do such a thing to your brother?"
"I..." Hikaru fumbled. She had cornered him, but he didn't shrink back. "I don't know what they could've had to say, we haven't done much -"
"Don't lie to me, young man!" Mom drew herself up and Hikaru flinched. "They've seen you -! For goodness sake, they've done your laundry -!"
The last of the color drained from my face and I slipped down against the couch. I wanted to disappear. There was no denying the truth practically screaming its existence in the heavy silence.
There was nothing to be done about it. She knew the truth about Our world, and the gates had shattered inward.
"Mom," I spoke up before I was even aware of opening my mouth. Terror gripped me when all eyes settled on me and I swallowed, fumbling toward some weak clarification of our case as my heart pounded frantically. "Fine, it's true, we haven't been completely honest with you. But the truth is..."
"Kaoru," Hikaru breathed in warning. I looked at him; he was staring back at me, shaking his head faintly. Don't make it worse.
I bit down on my lip. They know, I tried to convey back to him, it's better if they know the entire story. Maybe then they could understand.
At the very least, they wouldn't be without reason for hatefully branding us.
"...But the truth is, I love Hikaru." I lowered my eyes and clenched my fists in my lap. "We know each other like no one else ever could. He'll deny it, but Hikaru's probably the only reason I stayed sane these past few months. So, please. For the first time in a long time, we're happy like this."
I summoned the will to look up again and pleaded with my eyes. Dad wasn't looking at me; mom fell back on the couch, her hands over her suddenly drained face. "Masato ... Masato, what did we do wrong, to have such disturbed sons?"
"We're not disturbed!" Hikaru countered furiously, rising to my defence. My words had hit a chord in him, I noticed, for his hands had clenched in shaking fists at his sides. "Kaoru's right - if we haven't been honest with you, it's because we knew you'd react this way! Look -" he glanced wildly around at me and for a moment I saw past the hard fire in his eyes. I inclined my head slightly in support as he struggled to control his burdened breathing.
"I - I love my brother. I don't care if it's wrong, and I don't give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks of it. He's right for me! Nothing you say can change that, and I need him -"
Slap.
I flinched at the same time as Hikaru; my brother's head whipped sideways and his dark bangs flopped into his eyes. Mom raised her hand again warningly, her eyes flashing.
"That's enough, Hikaru!"
I'd never heard her use that tone. Ignoring the danger I leaped to my feet, too, and touched Hikaru's arm in concern. I tried to meet his eye.
"Hika-?"
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" she barked. "Do not disrespect me further with that tone, young man. You are a disgrace to this family - we certainly raised you for better than this!"
A furious flush to her face, she inhaled sharply through her nose and looked around at dad for his support. "It's far past time we did something about this. Hikaru - Kaoru - you've been together for too long, and you've confused that attachment with ... with lust. Perhaps it's partly our fault for letting this carry on for so long - while it was cute when you insisted on holding hands and sleeping in the same bed when you were children, it's past time you grew up, both of you. You're sixteen - you're almost adults now, with your entire careers ahead of us, and I refuse to let you throw that future away."
Hikaru was trembling beneath my hand, but he said nothing; my heart sinking, I spoke for both of us. "What are you saying...?"
"I am saying," she commanded, "that from tonight on, you will separate for your own good."
Blood rushed to my head; I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe as she went on. Something about calling grandmother to pick up one of us echoed at the back of my mind. Which one of us? It didn't matter. I hung rooted to the spot, clutching to my brother's sleeve.
They can't...they can't...
My eyes travelled from mom's blazing eyes to dad's downcast ones and something shattered inside me.
"I can't," I mumbled, "I can't leave..."
Mom didn't hear me. "And we'll call the school - see if they can be placed in different classes, if not, we'll see about arranging a transfer -"
Only Hikaru heard my words and the hitch to my breath as I started to hyperventilate. He lifted his head at last and I caught a glimpse of the raw fury kindling in his expression. Mom's assault hadn't shamed him. If anything, it made him abandon any care for her civilities.
"There's no way in hell I'll let you take Kaoru away from me! Can't you see - can't you see, we need each other!"
For a moment only silence met his statement; Hikaru drew a shuddering breath, glaring from beneath his fringe. I was too terrified to move; dad just looked at us sadly.
Mom stepped forward. I half thought she would hit him again and evidently Hikaru did too; his arm tensed beneath my hand and I had no doubt that if she did so, he wouldn't take it so quietly. They stared each other down, red faced, amber eyes narrowed, a perfect mirror image of each other.
Then mom raised her hand, not to strike, but to jerkily point at the open doorway. "Get out."
Neither Hikaru nor I moved.
Mom's lip quivered and she jerked her head upward. "Get out of this house now, Hikaru. I won't stand for you disgracing our family name any longer. And I especially won't stand for your treatment of your brother."
I opened my mouth and closed it again, at an utter loss for words. Hikaru didn't speak; he shouldered me off, turned, and marched across the room.
Halfway to the door he paused and shot over his shoulder, "Fine. I don't care anymore. I'll leave, if that's what it takes. Just ... leave my little brother alone."
Aniki.
My heart wrenched. He never called me that - his little brother - at least, not outside the Act that had become reality. Or, reality that had become an Act. In the end, it didn't matter: we'd never been pretending. My eyes burned and without a thought for our parents looking on I ran after him into the hall, through the foyer toward the front doors. There was no one around; the staff, if they had heard, had wisely retreated from our confrontation.
"Aniki, wait -!"
Hikaru stopped in his tracks, his shoulder tensing while I swung around to face him and clutched the front of his shirt.
"Ani-chan, please, just ... just go back and apologize to her. Mom can't kick you out, we'll work something out, we can stop the Act even - please -" The words spilled out; I didn't even know all that I was saying anymore, desperate to keep him here even if the lock on Our world had shattered, even if it was going down in flames all around me.
"Don't be stupid, Kaoru. You know that would never be enough." He wrenched an old coat off the hanger and tried to button it with shaking hands.
I bit my lip. "Then let me come with you."
"Now you're really being stupid." For a moment his voice reverted to a growl, but then he sighed and reached up, catching my face in his hands. Gently he rubbed away the tear forming at the edge of my eye, but it was to no avail. I could feel more coming on and I hated myself for standing there, crying, when he had done everything in his power to salvage Our world. "You've got to stay here, Kaoru. You've got that future ahead of you, right? They don't blame you. It's better if I go, Kao-chan."
"But what about you?" I whispered.
Hikaru offered a weak, wolfish grin. "I'll manage. Figure Haruhi can teach me to live like a commoner."
He would give up everything. I struggled to find words to communicate the feelings rushing through my chest - but if I told him now, it would only make it more painful to let go. Instead I clenched my fists tighter in his shirt and leaned forward, my lips feathering his jaw before Hikaru jerked his head sideways.
"Don't."
I pulled back, faced with the shiny red mark on his cheek. "Why?" I knew the hated tears were coming on faster.
"Because you're too gentle." Hikaru drew a ragged breath and laid his hands over mine, gingerly disengaging me. "And I don't think I can stand it right now. Please, Kao, just let me go. I don't want to hurt you."
I looked at the floor and stepped aside.
"I won't hold you back," I mumbled.
Hikaru nodded, tugged at his sleeves, and started toward the door. Then he stopped again and, whirling around, caught my left hand in both his own. I blinked hard against his intense stare, fighting to ignore how sharply he squeezed.
"This isn't goodbye, Kaoru. Don't you dare think, even for a moment, that it is."
His words hit me hard, but I understood at once why he voiced them. I straightened and scrubbed my sleeve over my eyes, surfacing with a brave grin.
"You don't have to tell me that. You know, Hikaru, I'm not gonna say goodbye, because you'd better remember to come back someday. And if you don't - if you don't, I'll make you pay for it, somehow. I haven't decided yet."
He smirked back at me and released my hand.
"You're an idiot. I love you."
I grinned back. I was still smiling idiotically when the doors to Our world creaked closed behind my older brother for the last time, and he disappeared out into the snowy night.
I would keep smiling and laughing for his sake when I got to school tomorrow and the Host Club customers milled in confusion. I would keep smiling and be mom's expected angel away from Hikaru's terrible influence, and out of sight of her prying eyes I would rebuild Our world.
Because, after all, that was what Hikaru had asked of me. He'd taken the fall so that he could be the first to venture Outside and lay the path for me. And one day, when I was strong enough - when the barriers of Our world could stand the test - I would follow.
It wasn't goodbye.
Just another step forward in creating a new world, a future that would be only Ours.
Fin.
--
Author: Jedi Goat
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Pairing: Hikaru x Kaoru
Rating: T/PG-13 for language and mature themes
Warnings: Slash. Twincest. Swearing. Implied stuffs.
Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC. If I did, it would be depressing, and no one would like that.
Summary: After the other pieces. Hitachiin Yuzuha finds out the truth about the Host Club, and Hikaru and Kaoru get the third degree from their parents.
--
Snow trickled from the black skies overhead, hazing in the glow of the upper windows of the manor house as we rounded the corner toward home. We were in no hurry, despite the chill air and the flush to our features, and between us Hikaru's warm hand clasped my own.
I closed my eyes with an indulgent smile. It was the last night of our winter break, we had our sheltered domain to ourselves, and if the way Hikaru's fingers twitched tighter over mine were any indication, he planned on making every last minute until school tomorrow morning count.
When Hikaru's footsteps slowed I reopened my eyes and glanced sideways at him. I could picture his frown in the near-dark as his hand tensed over mine.
"Hika...?"
"Mom and dad," he said shortly.
I looked around wildly: in the long-deserted space in front of the house hummed a limousine, headlights glancing sharply off the icy steps. One of our drivers bent over the open trunk, hauling out a large suitcase.
I opened my mouth and closed it again as my voice failed me. "They're not supposed to be back yet..." I mumbled meekly. "Mom said they wouldn't be back..."
To my own ears, my words were a petulant plea for justification. The rising bubble of warmth in my stomach shattered, leaving me suddenly shivering and ill. I clutched tightly to Hikaru's arm as he hissed under his breath.
"Fuck..."
Hikaru broke into a run and I stumbled along in his wake through the unplowed snow. Ducking through the shadows we made it to the side entrance into the kitchen, whipping past a few bemused maids left cleaning up dishes at this hour. My head swam, the overt brightness only worsening my faintness until I was relying solely on Hikaru to keep my feet flying forward.
Why had they come back? I wondered without an answer. We'd checked and double checked; their flight back from Hawaii wasn't intended to land until we were back in school...
By some luck we reached the main staircase without opposition. Hikaru's intentions distantly hit me as we hastened for the safety of the upstairs hallway. We would claim to have been in our room the entire time, we hadn't heard them come in - we'd quickly put on a movie or something as our cover. And if we were a little red in the face, breathing a little too fast -
"Hikaru, Kaoru, there you are."
Hikaru froze on the step above me; I saw his shoulders tense and could imagine him summoning the wits to smile as he turned back. He dropped my hand as quickly as though it had scalded him.
"Mom!" he exclaimed, launching into an almost frantic air of nonchalant surprise. "You're back early, aren't you?"
Hitachiin Yuzuha peered up at us from the foyer in front of the stairwell. Her chequered coat hung open on her shoulders and she still had her handbag under one arm: she hadn't been home long. I nearly breathed out a sigh of relief, but our mother wasn't smiling, either, her hands planted on her hips.
Her gaze travelled from one pink face to the other. Any other day, we might have mustered our facade better, but she had caught us off-guard and red-handed and it was all we could do to smile under her observation. "You boys look cold. Come down, we've just sent for tea."
Hikaru didn't budge. "Actually, we have some homework to finish - Kaoru asked me for help with his math -"
"Don't be ridiculous," mom cut him off. "Come sit with us for a few minutes. We haven't had the chance to talk together as a family in far too long."
Hikaru and I looked at one another; I read his wide-eyed panic, but I could only shrug in response. We trooped in her shadow into the living room, where so often lately we had been enjoying ourselves in moderately appropriate pursuits. Mom handed off her coat and her bag to the waiting maid and indicated we should sit.
I followed Hikaru around the coffee table to the couch across from our father. He didn't look up from his perusal of the paper as we sat down. In the utter silence my heart was beating double time and I subtly swiped my palms across the edge of my jeans. Hikaru looked at me from the corner of his eye. Calm down, the look seemed to convey.
I tried. I ignored the alarm bells going off rapid fire in my head and concentrated on breathing through my nose - steadily, slowly - while I allowed my gaze to wander across the table. Mom's white laptop was propped open in front of her seat, next to the stack of video game cases that Hikaru had obviously forgotten to put away earlier. Of course, remembering why he had forgotten them had heat rising in my face just as mom sat down, neatly crossing her legs.
All at once I was too conscious of Hikaru's thigh brushing up against mine. We were sitting far closer together than usual, but if I tried to shift away now I would only draw their attention to it - that is, if mom hadn't already noticed...
A few awkward moments later a maid bustled in with a tea tray and poured four cups. I sighted my opportunity as she leaned across the table in front of us, but I felt too sick to move away. As it was I averted my gaze to the floor, hoping our bare contact would be reassurance enough. Hikaru rubbed his palms together in his lap and looked at nothing in particular.
I knew I had to collect my wits: I had to help him guard the iron gates to Our world, but I feared a crack of cold air had already slipped inside.
Mom siphoned a bit of sugar into her tea and stirred it with her spoon, stalling for time. I swallowed dryly, watching her, and tried to hide my trembling hands. The rest of us did not touch our drinks, though after a moment folding paper crackled and dad resurfaced with a slight frown.
If she had dragged him into this...
We were in trouble.
"Your father and I were checking through our email messages," she said at last, depositing her stir spoon with a light clink against her saucer. The formal delicacy had me curling my fists, struggling to gather my shot nerves. "A while ago I signed up for your Host Club's newsletter list. You hardly ever talk about school, and I wanted to be sure you were adjusting to high school."
Mom exchanged a look with dad. Though he did not speak, he looked slightly uncomfortable, and I had a sinking feeling they knew more about the club's situation than they were letting on.
"Boys," mom said, her voice quieter and more serious than I had heard in a long time, "you know we don't ask for a lot from you. We don't mind you borrowing costumes for school or bringing friends over or going out late with your club. But what I would like, just this once, is the truth."
At once all breath left my body. She knew. A familiar terror clutched at my throat and I froze, staring into her expression. Mom's jaw clenched in an obstinate expression I had thought unique to my brother. I tore my gaze back down to my lap as she reached over and turned the laptop for us to see the screen.
A page of the Host Club's website filled the view: a ménage of photos taken behind the scenes at some event or another. I vaguely recalled the traditional Heian-era cosplay, but I couldn't place when we'd worn them. What caught my attention, however, was the center of the frame captured as customers squealed all around. Hikaru and I were fully immersed in another one of our Acts, unaware of the camera's flash. Hikaru held me close, cupping my face in his hands as I gazed up at him with the partially-lidded, utterly devoted younger brother look that guaranteed to send the girls into a tizzy.
I heard Hikaru hiss faintly, fingers twitching. I didn't know how the photo had slipped through; Kyouya had a strict policy that nothing remotely incriminating appeared on our site, in case the girls' parents decided to snoop around.
I glanced quickly up at our parents, meeting the tenseness of mom's expression and the resigned restraint to dad's; then I dropped my gaze to my lap again.
We'd mused over this scenario before, acting out our parents' overblown yells and imagining ways to counter, to explain that we were only presenting what our audience wanted. Good business, you know? We knew it was only an Act; everything was staged, and besides, the majority of it happened in the girls' overactive imaginations. Hikaru and I only planted the suggestion as to what went on behind closed doors.
We'd laughed and assured each other our game was harmless. The guests pretended along with us, some of the more crazy ones maybe even believed us.
But it wasn't harmless: maybe at the start it had been a joke, our own prank on our obnoxious fans, but it wasn't any more. And if mom and dad knew the truth, none of our excuses would stand the challenge.
I didn't know how we'd talk our way out of this one.
"I didn't want to believe this was what you were doing at that club," mom went on quietly. "But this ... this is beyond anything I would have expected from you. What happened, Hikaru, Kaoru? What made you possibly think this was acceptable?"
Her shaking voice escalated and I flinched. Old words, old thoughts beat at the back of my mind: Unnatural ... vulgar...
She knew. She knew. The notion echoed endlessly in my head and an old hated brand flared at the back of my consciousness. I knew I was breathing too quickly, too shallowly, petrified by her words.
"Boys?" she implored.
"That ... we can explain..." Hikaru said faintly. He hardly sounded certain, though, and his mind was surely racing toward a suitable conclusion. I needed to back him up, but sparks flickered distractingly at the edges of my vision.
"Please do explain all of this." Mom's voice hardened. "Do you have any idea how your fooling around reflects on this family?"
"Yuzuha," dad said quietly in face of her growing ire. Mom didn't heed him.
"I don't know what ideas that vulgar club put into your minds, but this isn't right! If I had known that they were encouraging this - I would have never let you near those boys, mark my words! And don't think you'll be going back, either!"
"Mom, it's not what you think!" Hikaru had gathered his wits and stiffened straight in his seat, eyes flashing. "We just ... it's an Act, everyone knows we're only pretending, and -"
"An act! Is that what you call it? Then how, pray tell, do you justify what happened this week? Practice, was it?"
At those words I forgot to breathe entirely; Hikaru stumbled momentarily over his words and I felt his leg tense against mine. "Wha-what do you mean, this week?"
"The house staff had some interesting things to report, you know!" mom bristled and her escalating tone bordered on hysteric. "My sons, the moment my back is turned...! - How long has this act of yours been going on? - Hikaru, how could you do such a thing to your brother?"
"I..." Hikaru fumbled. She had cornered him, but he didn't shrink back. "I don't know what they could've had to say, we haven't done much -"
"Don't lie to me, young man!" Mom drew herself up and Hikaru flinched. "They've seen you -! For goodness sake, they've done your laundry -!"
The last of the color drained from my face and I slipped down against the couch. I wanted to disappear. There was no denying the truth practically screaming its existence in the heavy silence.
There was nothing to be done about it. She knew the truth about Our world, and the gates had shattered inward.
"Mom," I spoke up before I was even aware of opening my mouth. Terror gripped me when all eyes settled on me and I swallowed, fumbling toward some weak clarification of our case as my heart pounded frantically. "Fine, it's true, we haven't been completely honest with you. But the truth is..."
"Kaoru," Hikaru breathed in warning. I looked at him; he was staring back at me, shaking his head faintly. Don't make it worse.
I bit down on my lip. They know, I tried to convey back to him, it's better if they know the entire story. Maybe then they could understand.
At the very least, they wouldn't be without reason for hatefully branding us.
"...But the truth is, I love Hikaru." I lowered my eyes and clenched my fists in my lap. "We know each other like no one else ever could. He'll deny it, but Hikaru's probably the only reason I stayed sane these past few months. So, please. For the first time in a long time, we're happy like this."
I summoned the will to look up again and pleaded with my eyes. Dad wasn't looking at me; mom fell back on the couch, her hands over her suddenly drained face. "Masato ... Masato, what did we do wrong, to have such disturbed sons?"
"We're not disturbed!" Hikaru countered furiously, rising to my defence. My words had hit a chord in him, I noticed, for his hands had clenched in shaking fists at his sides. "Kaoru's right - if we haven't been honest with you, it's because we knew you'd react this way! Look -" he glanced wildly around at me and for a moment I saw past the hard fire in his eyes. I inclined my head slightly in support as he struggled to control his burdened breathing.
"I - I love my brother. I don't care if it's wrong, and I don't give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks of it. He's right for me! Nothing you say can change that, and I need him -"
Slap.
I flinched at the same time as Hikaru; my brother's head whipped sideways and his dark bangs flopped into his eyes. Mom raised her hand again warningly, her eyes flashing.
"That's enough, Hikaru!"
I'd never heard her use that tone. Ignoring the danger I leaped to my feet, too, and touched Hikaru's arm in concern. I tried to meet his eye.
"Hika-?"
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" she barked. "Do not disrespect me further with that tone, young man. You are a disgrace to this family - we certainly raised you for better than this!"
A furious flush to her face, she inhaled sharply through her nose and looked around at dad for his support. "It's far past time we did something about this. Hikaru - Kaoru - you've been together for too long, and you've confused that attachment with ... with lust. Perhaps it's partly our fault for letting this carry on for so long - while it was cute when you insisted on holding hands and sleeping in the same bed when you were children, it's past time you grew up, both of you. You're sixteen - you're almost adults now, with your entire careers ahead of us, and I refuse to let you throw that future away."
Hikaru was trembling beneath my hand, but he said nothing; my heart sinking, I spoke for both of us. "What are you saying...?"
"I am saying," she commanded, "that from tonight on, you will separate for your own good."
Blood rushed to my head; I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe as she went on. Something about calling grandmother to pick up one of us echoed at the back of my mind. Which one of us? It didn't matter. I hung rooted to the spot, clutching to my brother's sleeve.
They can't...they can't...
My eyes travelled from mom's blazing eyes to dad's downcast ones and something shattered inside me.
"I can't," I mumbled, "I can't leave..."
Mom didn't hear me. "And we'll call the school - see if they can be placed in different classes, if not, we'll see about arranging a transfer -"
Only Hikaru heard my words and the hitch to my breath as I started to hyperventilate. He lifted his head at last and I caught a glimpse of the raw fury kindling in his expression. Mom's assault hadn't shamed him. If anything, it made him abandon any care for her civilities.
"There's no way in hell I'll let you take Kaoru away from me! Can't you see - can't you see, we need each other!"
For a moment only silence met his statement; Hikaru drew a shuddering breath, glaring from beneath his fringe. I was too terrified to move; dad just looked at us sadly.
Mom stepped forward. I half thought she would hit him again and evidently Hikaru did too; his arm tensed beneath my hand and I had no doubt that if she did so, he wouldn't take it so quietly. They stared each other down, red faced, amber eyes narrowed, a perfect mirror image of each other.
Then mom raised her hand, not to strike, but to jerkily point at the open doorway. "Get out."
Neither Hikaru nor I moved.
Mom's lip quivered and she jerked her head upward. "Get out of this house now, Hikaru. I won't stand for you disgracing our family name any longer. And I especially won't stand for your treatment of your brother."
I opened my mouth and closed it again, at an utter loss for words. Hikaru didn't speak; he shouldered me off, turned, and marched across the room.
Halfway to the door he paused and shot over his shoulder, "Fine. I don't care anymore. I'll leave, if that's what it takes. Just ... leave my little brother alone."
Aniki.
My heart wrenched. He never called me that - his little brother - at least, not outside the Act that had become reality. Or, reality that had become an Act. In the end, it didn't matter: we'd never been pretending. My eyes burned and without a thought for our parents looking on I ran after him into the hall, through the foyer toward the front doors. There was no one around; the staff, if they had heard, had wisely retreated from our confrontation.
"Aniki, wait -!"
Hikaru stopped in his tracks, his shoulder tensing while I swung around to face him and clutched the front of his shirt.
"Ani-chan, please, just ... just go back and apologize to her. Mom can't kick you out, we'll work something out, we can stop the Act even - please -" The words spilled out; I didn't even know all that I was saying anymore, desperate to keep him here even if the lock on Our world had shattered, even if it was going down in flames all around me.
"Don't be stupid, Kaoru. You know that would never be enough." He wrenched an old coat off the hanger and tried to button it with shaking hands.
I bit my lip. "Then let me come with you."
"Now you're really being stupid." For a moment his voice reverted to a growl, but then he sighed and reached up, catching my face in his hands. Gently he rubbed away the tear forming at the edge of my eye, but it was to no avail. I could feel more coming on and I hated myself for standing there, crying, when he had done everything in his power to salvage Our world. "You've got to stay here, Kaoru. You've got that future ahead of you, right? They don't blame you. It's better if I go, Kao-chan."
"But what about you?" I whispered.
Hikaru offered a weak, wolfish grin. "I'll manage. Figure Haruhi can teach me to live like a commoner."
He would give up everything. I struggled to find words to communicate the feelings rushing through my chest - but if I told him now, it would only make it more painful to let go. Instead I clenched my fists tighter in his shirt and leaned forward, my lips feathering his jaw before Hikaru jerked his head sideways.
"Don't."
I pulled back, faced with the shiny red mark on his cheek. "Why?" I knew the hated tears were coming on faster.
"Because you're too gentle." Hikaru drew a ragged breath and laid his hands over mine, gingerly disengaging me. "And I don't think I can stand it right now. Please, Kao, just let me go. I don't want to hurt you."
I looked at the floor and stepped aside.
"I won't hold you back," I mumbled.
Hikaru nodded, tugged at his sleeves, and started toward the door. Then he stopped again and, whirling around, caught my left hand in both his own. I blinked hard against his intense stare, fighting to ignore how sharply he squeezed.
"This isn't goodbye, Kaoru. Don't you dare think, even for a moment, that it is."
His words hit me hard, but I understood at once why he voiced them. I straightened and scrubbed my sleeve over my eyes, surfacing with a brave grin.
"You don't have to tell me that. You know, Hikaru, I'm not gonna say goodbye, because you'd better remember to come back someday. And if you don't - if you don't, I'll make you pay for it, somehow. I haven't decided yet."
He smirked back at me and released my hand.
"You're an idiot. I love you."
I grinned back. I was still smiling idiotically when the doors to Our world creaked closed behind my older brother for the last time, and he disappeared out into the snowy night.
I would keep smiling and laughing for his sake when I got to school tomorrow and the Host Club customers milled in confusion. I would keep smiling and be mom's expected angel away from Hikaru's terrible influence, and out of sight of her prying eyes I would rebuild Our world.
Because, after all, that was what Hikaru had asked of me. He'd taken the fall so that he could be the first to venture Outside and lay the path for me. And one day, when I was strong enough - when the barriers of Our world could stand the test - I would follow.
It wasn't goodbye.
Just another step forward in creating a new world, a future that would be only Ours.
Fin.
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