the path to nowhere and more movie reviews
Dear George Lucas and Star Wars people:
While it is great that Indiana Jones 4 is finally getting a move on, you can’t really name a comic book series The Path to Nowhere. That’s almost as meta as the series LOST being called “LOST.” It makes it look like an aimless and rambling...
oh bother.
Anyhow, if you’re bored and alone, just remember, it could be worse, you could be part of Mexican Apple Thief foreplay. Or I mean, your love life could be as simpering and sucky as Buffy’s. Or you might try to get your penis enlarged. Eep. The things you find on youtube. I even found a video of my brother Mark singing and playing the piano. 0_0 *clapclapclap*
The Illusionist
I went into this movie with high expectations, since Nick liked it better than The Prestige. Edward Norton is quite awesome--not traditionally handsome, but like...well, he’s like Jason Dohrig 20 years from now. Or rather, Jason Dohrig is a mini-Edward Norton. Badassery. He’s a very intense actor and his beady little eyes and tight expression made him the perfect magician. Jessica Biel exceeds expectations as well, as his lady love. That kiss was hawt.
Where The Prestige was a rivalry, this movie was more of a romance. Unlike The Prestige, which follows the construct of an actual magic trick, it’s much more straight forward--we know who the good guy is (the one dimensional bad guy has zero redeeming traits and really no good reason to act the way he does, aside from sociopathy, yawn) and we know what his endgame is. So I was able to predict the ending faster than the “Inspektor Javert,” but I guess that is not his fault since I knew more.
I loved these magician movies but maybe I’m an arrogant git because part of the reason why I love them is because I am able to figure out the plot twists. I loved that the tricks in this movie are based on real magic tricks. One of the tricks [SPOILER] was one we learned about in high school physics class, and I recognized it as soon as I saw it, which was delightful. I want that necklace!!!
I am going to have to say I liked The Prestige more because it had more depth, and two yummies instead of one. (Well, more than two.) Bale, Jackman...so how does Edward Norton fit in the the magician sandwich...well, he'll simply have to chop me in half. Double decker hot magician sandwich!!!
The Illusionist: beautiful art nouveau style, fun magic tricks, and yummy magic Norton. Good times, though probably not as re-watchable as The Prestige. Definitely more of a chick-flick. Although it was set in 19th century Vienna, which meant there was a lot of people with hats with points on them, and mustaches giving them frowny faces.
[off topic: I think if Jason Dohring is a young Edward Norton, then Joseph Gordon Levitt is a young Christian Bale. And they are going to be awesome in the future. Just imho]
The Last Kiss
I went into The Last Kiss expecting another Garden State, since both movies star Zach Braff. Unfortunately, Zach Braff did not direct The Last Kiss, and the movie is a lot blander and stereotypical for it--lacking all of Garden State’s humor and whimsy. TLK follows five different relationships in different stages. It is definitely not a date movie and definitely not for cowards. It’s perspective on relationships is even bleaker than Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but that’s because it’s a mature look at the struggles involved in keeping a relationship afloat.
The Last Kiss is a movie about the difficulty in maintaining adult relationships that look nothing like hollywood ones and everything like the real thing.
Thirty year old Michael (Zach Braff) is living a perfect life. He has a perfect job, and has been dating the perfect girl for the past three years. But his girlfriend, Jenna (Jacinda Barrett) is ten weeks pregnant, and the mounting pressure to marry her and anxiety over impending fatherhood lead him to pursue Kim (Rachel Bilson), a nineteen year old college sophomore. There’s a lot of hem and hawing and will he and won’t he that makes you want to punch the lights out of him for even considering cheating on such a lovely girl. You don't cheat on someone to decide if you really want to be with them! It's illogical. It's dick!
His friends are also in different stages of relationships. Six months after being dumped by his girlfriend of fourteen years, Izzy is still mourning and freaking out about her and the future he lost. Kenny is excited about his new relationship with his sex crazed girlfriend, but can he handle commitment? Ever since giving birth, Chris’s wife has turned into a perpetually angry bitch (possibly because she’s been ditched to take care of the baby herself while her husband drinks and hides in the corner), and their marriage is falling apart. Then, in contrast to all of the youngen’s the last relationship examined is the listless but surviving thirty year marriage of Jenna’s parents, Stephen and Anna.
“I said I’d marry you if you could name three couples that are happily married and have stayed together for over five years.”
You might be able to name this movie “Man-boys Running Away from Problems.” (And running towards Rachel Bilson, I suppose. This movie makes me paranoid. If you can be as cool as Jenna and still get cheated on by Zach Braff...how does one compete with Rachel fucking Bilson?!?!) "You can't force things, they either work or they don't, I could be your last chance at happiness." How can the “other woman” say things like that? And how can he even consider cheating on Jenna?
It’s more than just “they work or they don’t,” successful relationships don’t just happen like that. You have to earn them! But that’s what the men and women in the movie just naively expect--until they grow up.
In any case, the men in this movie come off as scared to grow up and immature and the women are mostly pregnant and hormonal. Whenever a problem approaches, the women freak out, and the men freak out and run away and run out. It’s fucking depressing.
One thing I liked about this movie is that it really tried to explain that excuses like “I panicked, I got scared, I'm an idiot, I'm an asshole" don’t make much of an apology. Calling yourself those things doesn’t make what you did better. It’s a lame attempt at absolving yourself of responsibility, when a mature person would just step up. When mature people have stepped up.
Every relationship starts out going like Kenny’s, but eventually there are falling outs and bumps in the proverbial road. I think this movie really tried to emphasize that you need to work for happiness. Happiness doesn't happen automatically, even with the perfect woman. It's something you have to earn. [I mean, I could be wrong here, but if I am, I’m sure working for it probably gets you even more.] There are a shitload of things in the world could potentially destroy your happiness. It’s not just about working for happiness; you have to keep fighting for it, instead of running away.
(Or maybe that’s just me. I don’t know. It seems like every bit of happiness I’ve experienced in my life has been something I’ve fought for. I’m not quick to walk away. I fight tooth and nail. =/)
Argh I hate fucking infidelity. I will never cheat on anyone. And I will never be the other woman. If I do either of these two shit-making, heartless things, you have permission to fucking kill me.
This is going to sound preposterous but I believe in marriage counseling for all marriages. It’s unnecessarily stigmatized (“ooh if they’re in counseling it must not be working” stfu). I think every six months to two years or so, it would be good to go in even if you were in a happy marriage (more so if you weren’t). It’s essentially a mediated time out, or a tune up, that helps facilitate clearer communication while offering an objective point of view. But maybe that’s just me.
But yeah, that’s what I got from The Last Kiss. Hopefully I will end up with somebody who is not as fucking weak as Michael. Because I felt like I spent the entire movie yelling “BOO. WEAK!” at him.
While it is great that Indiana Jones 4 is finally getting a move on, you can’t really name a comic book series The Path to Nowhere. That’s almost as meta as the series LOST being called “LOST.” It makes it look like an aimless and rambling...
oh bother.
Anyhow, if you’re bored and alone, just remember, it could be worse, you could be part of Mexican Apple Thief foreplay. Or I mean, your love life could be as simpering and sucky as Buffy’s. Or you might try to get your penis enlarged. Eep. The things you find on youtube. I even found a video of my brother Mark singing and playing the piano. 0_0 *clapclapclap*
The Illusionist
I went into this movie with high expectations, since Nick liked it better than The Prestige. Edward Norton is quite awesome--not traditionally handsome, but like...well, he’s like Jason Dohrig 20 years from now. Or rather, Jason Dohrig is a mini-Edward Norton. Badassery. He’s a very intense actor and his beady little eyes and tight expression made him the perfect magician. Jessica Biel exceeds expectations as well, as his lady love. That kiss was hawt.
Where The Prestige was a rivalry, this movie was more of a romance. Unlike The Prestige, which follows the construct of an actual magic trick, it’s much more straight forward--we know who the good guy is (the one dimensional bad guy has zero redeeming traits and really no good reason to act the way he does, aside from sociopathy, yawn) and we know what his endgame is. So I was able to predict the ending faster than the “Inspektor Javert,” but I guess that is not his fault since I knew more.
I loved these magician movies but maybe I’m an arrogant git because part of the reason why I love them is because I am able to figure out the plot twists. I loved that the tricks in this movie are based on real magic tricks. One of the tricks [SPOILER] was one we learned about in high school physics class, and I recognized it as soon as I saw it, which was delightful. I want that necklace!!!
I am going to have to say I liked The Prestige more because it had more depth, and two yummies instead of one. (Well, more than two.) Bale, Jackman...so how does Edward Norton fit in the the magician sandwich...well, he'll simply have to chop me in half. Double decker hot magician sandwich!!!
The Illusionist: beautiful art nouveau style, fun magic tricks, and yummy magic Norton. Good times, though probably not as re-watchable as The Prestige. Definitely more of a chick-flick. Although it was set in 19th century Vienna, which meant there was a lot of people with hats with points on them, and mustaches giving them frowny faces.
[off topic: I think if Jason Dohring is a young Edward Norton, then Joseph Gordon Levitt is a young Christian Bale. And they are going to be awesome in the future. Just imho]
The Last Kiss
I went into The Last Kiss expecting another Garden State, since both movies star Zach Braff. Unfortunately, Zach Braff did not direct The Last Kiss, and the movie is a lot blander and stereotypical for it--lacking all of Garden State’s humor and whimsy. TLK follows five different relationships in different stages. It is definitely not a date movie and definitely not for cowards. It’s perspective on relationships is even bleaker than Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but that’s because it’s a mature look at the struggles involved in keeping a relationship afloat.
The Last Kiss is a movie about the difficulty in maintaining adult relationships that look nothing like hollywood ones and everything like the real thing.
Thirty year old Michael (Zach Braff) is living a perfect life. He has a perfect job, and has been dating the perfect girl for the past three years. But his girlfriend, Jenna (Jacinda Barrett) is ten weeks pregnant, and the mounting pressure to marry her and anxiety over impending fatherhood lead him to pursue Kim (Rachel Bilson), a nineteen year old college sophomore. There’s a lot of hem and hawing and will he and won’t he that makes you want to punch the lights out of him for even considering cheating on such a lovely girl. You don't cheat on someone to decide if you really want to be with them! It's illogical. It's dick!
His friends are also in different stages of relationships. Six months after being dumped by his girlfriend of fourteen years, Izzy is still mourning and freaking out about her and the future he lost. Kenny is excited about his new relationship with his sex crazed girlfriend, but can he handle commitment? Ever since giving birth, Chris’s wife has turned into a perpetually angry bitch (possibly because she’s been ditched to take care of the baby herself while her husband drinks and hides in the corner), and their marriage is falling apart. Then, in contrast to all of the youngen’s the last relationship examined is the listless but surviving thirty year marriage of Jenna’s parents, Stephen and Anna.
“I said I’d marry you if you could name three couples that are happily married and have stayed together for over five years.”
You might be able to name this movie “Man-boys Running Away from Problems.” (And running towards Rachel Bilson, I suppose. This movie makes me paranoid. If you can be as cool as Jenna and still get cheated on by Zach Braff...how does one compete with Rachel fucking Bilson?!?!) "You can't force things, they either work or they don't, I could be your last chance at happiness." How can the “other woman” say things like that? And how can he even consider cheating on Jenna?
It’s more than just “they work or they don’t,” successful relationships don’t just happen like that. You have to earn them! But that’s what the men and women in the movie just naively expect--until they grow up.
In any case, the men in this movie come off as scared to grow up and immature and the women are mostly pregnant and hormonal. Whenever a problem approaches, the women freak out, and the men freak out and run away and run out. It’s fucking depressing.
One thing I liked about this movie is that it really tried to explain that excuses like “I panicked, I got scared, I'm an idiot, I'm an asshole" don’t make much of an apology. Calling yourself those things doesn’t make what you did better. It’s a lame attempt at absolving yourself of responsibility, when a mature person would just step up. When mature people have stepped up.
Every relationship starts out going like Kenny’s, but eventually there are falling outs and bumps in the proverbial road. I think this movie really tried to emphasize that you need to work for happiness. Happiness doesn't happen automatically, even with the perfect woman. It's something you have to earn. [I mean, I could be wrong here, but if I am, I’m sure working for it probably gets you even more.] There are a shitload of things in the world could potentially destroy your happiness. It’s not just about working for happiness; you have to keep fighting for it, instead of running away.
(Or maybe that’s just me. I don’t know. It seems like every bit of happiness I’ve experienced in my life has been something I’ve fought for. I’m not quick to walk away. I fight tooth and nail. =/)
Argh I hate fucking infidelity. I will never cheat on anyone. And I will never be the other woman. If I do either of these two shit-making, heartless things, you have permission to fucking kill me.
This is going to sound preposterous but I believe in marriage counseling for all marriages. It’s unnecessarily stigmatized (“ooh if they’re in counseling it must not be working” stfu). I think every six months to two years or so, it would be good to go in even if you were in a happy marriage (more so if you weren’t). It’s essentially a mediated time out, or a tune up, that helps facilitate clearer communication while offering an objective point of view. But maybe that’s just me.
But yeah, that’s what I got from The Last Kiss. Hopefully I will end up with somebody who is not as fucking weak as Michael. Because I felt like I spent the entire movie yelling “BOO. WEAK!” at him.