Good Bye, Gary Coleman.(Not what you think)
For about the third time in the past month or so, I've had a dream where I was hanging out with and then saying good bye to something from my childhood or my past. This past night's dream had me hanging with Gary Coleman. Not Avenue Q Gary Coleman, or Check-Into-Cash-Commercial Gary Coleman, but Gary Coleman from Diff'rent Strokes, the cute little kid he was back then. It was strange, like we were old friends and I was moving away or something. My remembrances of my dream are that I was heartbroken to be leaving this little kid and as I gave him a last hug with the standard, "We'll keep in touch, ok?" I woke up on the verge of crying.
It's fading now, but, wow, what a strange ache. As is my habit, I've ben thinking this dream through before it disappears completel, trying to decide what my subconscious mind id trying to communicate to me, especially in light of the previous dreams which I cannot even remember, save for the echoes of emotion, all strangely similar to this last one.
What does my dream mean to me? I can only think of one thing.
I might...
I might be growing up a little more.
I've always treasured the child in me, that part of innocence that I've always kept near my heart and protected, but with it came a strange refusal to act my age. That's not neccessarily a bad thing, but I think my adult duties and responsibilities I've assumed in the past couple of years are starting to reconcile with the chilhood and teenage things I've clung to so strongly.
For years, I've identified my self with the things that meant so much to me groowing up, my comics, my toys, roleplaying games and all the little geeky Star Wars/Trek stuff that everyone knows me for. Nowadays, I find myself wincing in embarassment when I give out my email address and covering the Star Wars book I'm reading with my hand when I'm reading in a public place.
I'm not worried about being labeled a geek. We're all geeky about something or other. What's embarassing me is the possibility that I might be viewed as an adult who hasn't grown up yet.
Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think that the things I (still) love are unworthy of attention as an adult - I believe that my adult nature and my childish nature are trying to reconcile with each other - trying to find some kind of balancing ground between what I cherish and what I myself perceive (subconsciously?) as adult behaviour.
It's quite possible that something's changing. It will be interesting to see what happens.
Peace!
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. - 1 Corinthians 13:11
It's fading now, but, wow, what a strange ache. As is my habit, I've ben thinking this dream through before it disappears completel, trying to decide what my subconscious mind id trying to communicate to me, especially in light of the previous dreams which I cannot even remember, save for the echoes of emotion, all strangely similar to this last one.
What does my dream mean to me? I can only think of one thing.
I might...
I might be growing up a little more.
I've always treasured the child in me, that part of innocence that I've always kept near my heart and protected, but with it came a strange refusal to act my age. That's not neccessarily a bad thing, but I think my adult duties and responsibilities I've assumed in the past couple of years are starting to reconcile with the chilhood and teenage things I've clung to so strongly.
For years, I've identified my self with the things that meant so much to me groowing up, my comics, my toys, roleplaying games and all the little geeky Star Wars/Trek stuff that everyone knows me for. Nowadays, I find myself wincing in embarassment when I give out my email address and covering the Star Wars book I'm reading with my hand when I'm reading in a public place.
I'm not worried about being labeled a geek. We're all geeky about something or other. What's embarassing me is the possibility that I might be viewed as an adult who hasn't grown up yet.
Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think that the things I (still) love are unworthy of attention as an adult - I believe that my adult nature and my childish nature are trying to reconcile with each other - trying to find some kind of balancing ground between what I cherish and what I myself perceive (subconsciously?) as adult behaviour.
It's quite possible that something's changing. It will be interesting to see what happens.
Peace!
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. - 1 Corinthians 13:11