(no subject)
I cant find my camera....tho I'm pretty sure I packed it.
that makes me sad
but its probably for the best
cause I'd just end up sitting here taking pictures of myself to edit/fuck up on my computer
I have an obsession with eyes
I realize that most of the time I miss what people are saying
and have to be like "what?"
cause i never look at people's mouths
I just stare at their eyes
eyes say so much about people
and theyre honest too.
today in Eurotheatre we had to talk about ourselves for 2 minutes to a partner
mine was chris
it was then that I realized something
I hate talking about myself when its anything personal and face to face (meaning NOT lj)
especially to people I dont know insanely well
I was just saying incredibly trivial things like
favorite color, animal, how i like to draw (pathetic)
i couldnt tell him one thing he didnt already know
and i was so nervous
as if i was terrified of saying something meaningful about myself
as it turns out, I have a deadly fear of being vulnerable
say hello to my Harry Potter hero complex
then chris proceeded to give an incredibly ellaborate account of his life until then
and his future plans and goals
I felt so pathetic
and was in serious need of a "redo" button
later he commented that he felt like he really didnt know me
i just dont trust people anymore i suppose
its rather sad
perhaps i should work on that
when i dont really have a good reason not to trust people
i keep so many secrets
even trivial ones
such a lonely way to live
and whats funny about the whole predicament
is that i'm talking about myself and my problems in a public internet journal
yet i cant do it when im actually with people
...pathetic hypocrit.
that makes me sad
but its probably for the best
cause I'd just end up sitting here taking pictures of myself to edit/fuck up on my computer
I have an obsession with eyes
I realize that most of the time I miss what people are saying
and have to be like "what?"
cause i never look at people's mouths
I just stare at their eyes
eyes say so much about people
and theyre honest too.
today in Eurotheatre we had to talk about ourselves for 2 minutes to a partner
mine was chris
it was then that I realized something
I hate talking about myself when its anything personal and face to face (meaning NOT lj)
especially to people I dont know insanely well
I was just saying incredibly trivial things like
favorite color, animal, how i like to draw (pathetic)
i couldnt tell him one thing he didnt already know
and i was so nervous
as if i was terrified of saying something meaningful about myself
as it turns out, I have a deadly fear of being vulnerable
say hello to my Harry Potter hero complex
then chris proceeded to give an incredibly ellaborate account of his life until then
and his future plans and goals
I felt so pathetic
and was in serious need of a "redo" button
later he commented that he felt like he really didnt know me
i just dont trust people anymore i suppose
its rather sad
perhaps i should work on that
when i dont really have a good reason not to trust people
i keep so many secrets
even trivial ones
such a lonely way to live
and whats funny about the whole predicament
is that i'm talking about myself and my problems in a public internet journal
yet i cant do it when im actually with people
...pathetic hypocrit.