Carpe Diem my ass
Be wary....an angry Jake rant is ahead.
"Everytime I rise, I see you falling."
I'm about to go outside and remind myself why I quit smoking. I want to so bad. I haven't had this much trouble with quitting in a long time. It's all in your head Lisa dear. Ha! That's where my strong qualities are. Psychological dependency....go me. I get paid my big $200 paycheck Thursday. Don't know what I'll do with it really.
Ok it has been confirmed that that creepy Kenny guy does indeed like me. Is it creepy? Yes. Does he call me at odd hours? Yes. Does he help run up my cell phone bill by texting me? Yes. Will I ask him to go away? No.
I have this weird thing where I can't tell the truth to anyone who likes me really. I also have a soft spot for people who like me, even if I absolutely abhor them. Jesus, I despised Jake, but look at how long I stayed with him. I should have just avoided the whole thing. Damnit I just wanted to go to fucking prom is all. *laughs* How in the world did he take that as a sign that I liked him and wanted to date him? I'm such an attention whore. Flattery will get you anywhere with me....fuck I'm screwed for life. *laughs* I remember where I messed up. That trip to see Vicky with Dustin, Becky, and Jerry. There's where I fucked up. Majorly... Hey girls....doesn't it feel great to be used as if you were a piece in a boardgame only used to see how far a guy can go? How much can he get from you? Sure he can take your virginity if he wants. Doesn't have to mean anything. Afterall, there are a million others to treat that way....why stop at one? You have to get them all done don't you? Leeches... Guys like that are leeches. They rob you of your heart, dignity, and soul. And I receieve no apology. In fact, I'm the one that apologizes. Apologetic Lisa...apologizing for everything except her existance. And I'm sure if there were ever anyone who detested my existance, I'd apologize for it. But I'm sure there comes a time when you say, "I'm sorry" so often that it completely loses it's meaning. I do try my best to mean it everytime I say it, but no one is perfect. Normally, you can tell by my tone though. *laughs* And if I'm crying that's a good clue too. I disgress. I once knew a guy who told me that I should wait until he finished fucking this one girl and then he'd go to me. And I waited. And waited. And guess what? I got upset and severed our friendship. This lovely guy also atributed to my slew of eating disorders. Go you! Jake you taught me to trust in no one, least of all my companions. Thanks hun. I feel ruined. *laughs* Ruined and deprived. And *laughs* sorry this is angsty. Perhaps I should call Jake...find some closure there. I don't think he ever understood why we really broke up. I just did one day. Said hello in the halls, and that was it. I was so happy when I did though. I remember cheering, yes actual cheering. Then, I saw how depressed he was at school. NOW ON SALE! Insta-guilt trip! Just add drama! Jake really is a leech. He's draining Allison again no doubt. Must not have sucked the life out of her yet. Oh yeah. I forgot she's still a virgin. Of course he hasn't yet. I guess what pisses me off the most about him is the fact that I'll never know the truth about him or anything he ever said about me. Filthy fucking liar... Please excuse my disposition. It;s a good thing I'm unstable, otherwise I'd just be plain boring. You know what solves everything under the sun including bitterness towards partners long gone? Alcohol.... *laughs* Maybe someone would like to join me this weekend?
Such a damned escape artist. "You know I always like to play the victim." Don't take this as an evaluation of my mood. Please don't. What started out as a question ended in one of those "guys suck" rants. Untrue...not all guys suck. I can just think of maybe three at the moment that I'm displeased with, and they don't know it. Or in the case of Michael, they may know and they don't care. They'll probably never gain enough of my respect to know it. Kenny won't stop! Gah! Why won't he go away? He reminds me of Jake so much it's not even funny. And he's using loop holes to find out whether or not I like him and whether or not I think he's attractive. He's 21. Grow up. Take a freaking hint....and move on. I know his games. I used to be a master of such games. Maybe I'm just paranoid and cynical. No...no I think I'm right on this one. Jesus christ...need a fucking cigarette. No Lisa. Replace your smoking with booze. Easy as pie *laughs* This is going nowhere. I can sit here and rant about these idiots, but it's not going to solve and or change a damned thing. The damage is done. Grow up and move on. Move on to better things, Lisa. You're better than that. Focus on the ACT and getting into college. Your health for god's sake anything but that same old crap. *stop here*
Blevins gave me a 5.5 on my paper that didn't even have a conclusion. Some girl got a 6. I was very sad....*laughs*
I confessed a few things to William today. I hope he appreciates that. He'd damn well better. *laughs* People like my hair! That's so cool! Because I do too! *laughs* Anyway, running now. Ridding myself of anger. Sweet...
Much Love
Lisa
"Everytime I rise, I see you falling."
I'm about to go outside and remind myself why I quit smoking. I want to so bad. I haven't had this much trouble with quitting in a long time. It's all in your head Lisa dear. Ha! That's where my strong qualities are. Psychological dependency....go me. I get paid my big $200 paycheck Thursday. Don't know what I'll do with it really.
Ok it has been confirmed that that creepy Kenny guy does indeed like me. Is it creepy? Yes. Does he call me at odd hours? Yes. Does he help run up my cell phone bill by texting me? Yes. Will I ask him to go away? No.
I have this weird thing where I can't tell the truth to anyone who likes me really. I also have a soft spot for people who like me, even if I absolutely abhor them. Jesus, I despised Jake, but look at how long I stayed with him. I should have just avoided the whole thing. Damnit I just wanted to go to fucking prom is all. *laughs* How in the world did he take that as a sign that I liked him and wanted to date him? I'm such an attention whore. Flattery will get you anywhere with me....fuck I'm screwed for life. *laughs* I remember where I messed up. That trip to see Vicky with Dustin, Becky, and Jerry. There's where I fucked up. Majorly... Hey girls....doesn't it feel great to be used as if you were a piece in a boardgame only used to see how far a guy can go? How much can he get from you? Sure he can take your virginity if he wants. Doesn't have to mean anything. Afterall, there are a million others to treat that way....why stop at one? You have to get them all done don't you? Leeches... Guys like that are leeches. They rob you of your heart, dignity, and soul. And I receieve no apology. In fact, I'm the one that apologizes. Apologetic Lisa...apologizing for everything except her existance. And I'm sure if there were ever anyone who detested my existance, I'd apologize for it. But I'm sure there comes a time when you say, "I'm sorry" so often that it completely loses it's meaning. I do try my best to mean it everytime I say it, but no one is perfect. Normally, you can tell by my tone though. *laughs* And if I'm crying that's a good clue too. I disgress. I once knew a guy who told me that I should wait until he finished fucking this one girl and then he'd go to me. And I waited. And waited. And guess what? I got upset and severed our friendship. This lovely guy also atributed to my slew of eating disorders. Go you! Jake you taught me to trust in no one, least of all my companions. Thanks hun. I feel ruined. *laughs* Ruined and deprived. And *laughs* sorry this is angsty. Perhaps I should call Jake...find some closure there. I don't think he ever understood why we really broke up. I just did one day. Said hello in the halls, and that was it. I was so happy when I did though. I remember cheering, yes actual cheering. Then, I saw how depressed he was at school. NOW ON SALE! Insta-guilt trip! Just add drama! Jake really is a leech. He's draining Allison again no doubt. Must not have sucked the life out of her yet. Oh yeah. I forgot she's still a virgin. Of course he hasn't yet. I guess what pisses me off the most about him is the fact that I'll never know the truth about him or anything he ever said about me. Filthy fucking liar... Please excuse my disposition. It;s a good thing I'm unstable, otherwise I'd just be plain boring. You know what solves everything under the sun including bitterness towards partners long gone? Alcohol.... *laughs* Maybe someone would like to join me this weekend?
Such a damned escape artist. "You know I always like to play the victim." Don't take this as an evaluation of my mood. Please don't. What started out as a question ended in one of those "guys suck" rants. Untrue...not all guys suck. I can just think of maybe three at the moment that I'm displeased with, and they don't know it. Or in the case of Michael, they may know and they don't care. They'll probably never gain enough of my respect to know it. Kenny won't stop! Gah! Why won't he go away? He reminds me of Jake so much it's not even funny. And he's using loop holes to find out whether or not I like him and whether or not I think he's attractive. He's 21. Grow up. Take a freaking hint....and move on. I know his games. I used to be a master of such games. Maybe I'm just paranoid and cynical. No...no I think I'm right on this one. Jesus christ...need a fucking cigarette. No Lisa. Replace your smoking with booze. Easy as pie *laughs* This is going nowhere. I can sit here and rant about these idiots, but it's not going to solve and or change a damned thing. The damage is done. Grow up and move on. Move on to better things, Lisa. You're better than that. Focus on the ACT and getting into college. Your health for god's sake anything but that same old crap. *stop here*
Blevins gave me a 5.5 on my paper that didn't even have a conclusion. Some girl got a 6. I was very sad....*laughs*
I confessed a few things to William today. I hope he appreciates that. He'd damn well better. *laughs* People like my hair! That's so cool! Because I do too! *laughs* Anyway, running now. Ridding myself of anger. Sweet...
Much Love
Lisa