Party time!
I had the loveliest night out at a party in the con suite of friends. I tended bar, doled out psychiatric advice, and told stories. Yes yes, and drank a lot.
Meanwhile, I was left with some observations. The first - there were many pretty girls at the party. Two of the ones I would have said were the loveliest ended up chatting with me, and clearly they did not share my vision. I tried to convince them to fake poise and a sense of security even if they don't feel it, because it's a hot commodity in a world where everyone is equally insecure and nervous.
The first didn't believe me, so I fetched some attractive young lads in her age bracket over and quizzed them all about their relative sense of security and confidence. She was surprised at the results.
And to the second one, who will probably never read this, I just want to say this: Girl, go find a dress that makes you feel beautiful and wear it. Don't wear less because you don't feel beautiful. Don't schlep around and slump because you don't feel beautiful. Don't look for validation in the eyes and lips of family members who have never built you up before. In fact, stop looking at anything when you decide how fucking awesome you are.
There are so many people who say out loud, "I could have been X if it weren't for those meddlesome kids/y/z." I cry bullshit. If you were going to be X you would have been. The person holding you back is you. So stop it! Go for it!
Five cents please. Also Oklahoma means Oklahoma.