JE ANON FIC MEME!!1!1!11
JE ANON FIC MEME
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*5) For kids underage, MUST ( Read more... )
"Unconventional Love"
Summary: Kame is asexual, Meisa is aromantical, Jin loves both. A story of an unconventional love triangle.
When Jin opens the door in his college dorm for the first time, he has no idea what is waiting for him. The door is plain, just brown with simple doorknob, but with a doorplate, where he can see these red letters.
№ 223
“This is our world. Do not disturb.”
Jin shifts his foot, feeling like he really shouldn’t disturb, if it says that, but the paper in his hands is telling him that № 223 is his room now. Jin breathes deeply and pushes the door open.
This is how he becomes the part of their world.
*
His name is Kame and he lives with Jin, his door is the closest to Jin’s. They share the kitchen that is also their dining room and the other room where they watch TV, sitting on the old couch and drinking beer.
Kame is a nice guy and he looks really cool, not the way Jin wants to look, but the way Jin likes when other people look. It not so easy to explain, but Jin always has a problem with explaining all the messy feelings in his head, so he always limits his speech, normally replying in just one or two words, that have no serious meaning but sound mostly like an interjection.
“Wow!”
Kame just arches his eyebrow; it seems he understands perfectly what Jin means.
He is a really cool guy.
They have the same classes and both like sport, they have so much in common and can talk for hours about everything, movies, music, and manga, remembering old jokes from favorite cartoons and understanding each other.
In the evening they walk near the lake, not so far away from the dorm and they talk about their dogs that they left with their parents, about their dreams, about the future, how it is somewhere faraway, but looks attractive.
It seems like they have known each other for years, feeling so comfortable. Kame’s hands are small and warm, his eyes are dark and smiley, sometimes he looks at Jin, the way no one has looked at him before.
It’s confusing and nice at the same time.
Jin has no idea how, but one day he realizes that he wants to kiss Kame, simply lips to lips, just too feel them and see how they taste. The idea is so absurd, but sometimes everything about Jin is absurd and he has this habit or curse, where if he wants something he doesn't think more, he just does it.
Kame is surprised, but doesn't push him away and doesn't kiss him again, he just looks at him with his tender dark eyes.
They lie on the old couch, not kissing, just cuddling, feeling the warmth of each other, talking; sometimes Kame touches Jin’s face just with his fingertips, looking again at Jin, like he is something. Something important.
Jin forgets about the doorplate with red words on it. This is his world too. Absolutely.
*
Her name is Meisa and she is now living with them. Jin has no idea what a girl is doing in the boy’s dorm, but it seems no one really cares about it, and the atmosphere in their art college is a bit unconventional so no one is too surprised. When she opens the door, she hugs Kame and tells him that she is back home again.
When Kame told him that their roommate would come later in the semester, he had no idea that she is the one living in the room behind that door that is always closed. Maybe her walls are pink and she feels shy to show it, but once he gets the chance to check, her walls are blue, like in Kame’s room.
Jin feels like he wants to paint Kame’s wall in another color. Just because. She is not impressed by his presence and speaks to him harshly asking him to take all his dirty clothes into his room, because he is not living alone and she hates when the room where she is resting is so messy.
Jin doesn’t like her in the beginning, maybe because she calls him Kazuya and enters his room without knocking.
“She is a wonderful friend.”
Jin believes him, because Kame can have a friend after all.
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He hasn’t even noticed when she appears in the room with a mug of a coffee and a smug smile on her face. She chuckles.
“I like you. You are entertaining.”
She sits near him on the couch, morning bright and attractive, but in his head Jin already thinks about the possible speech needed to make Kame understand his feelings, to make Kame accept his love.
*
“I love you too, Jin”
He says it with a smile, holding Jin’s hand, like he always does, because he loves Jin, really loves him. Jin feels all the butterflies fluttering with little wings in his stomach.
“But, I think we should talk first, because I want you to know everything about me.”
Kame’s eyes look serious and the butterflies wings flutter in his stomach and fly faster, because Jin doesn’t like the phrase “we should talk”, this is like some instinct that stayed with him after his childhood, because after those words, he usually got punished.
*
“Oh…”
Jin’s ability to talk again is limited only to interjections.
Kame is looking at him, the dark smiley eyes are serious now, he is searching for something in Jin’s eyes, something he maybe doubts to find there. Understanding, because Jin really doesn’t understand.
“Jin, I’m trying to be honest, because you are very important to me. I have never felt so attached to another person, maybe only Meisa, but she is my closest friend.”
Jin doesn’t like how it sounds.
“You two have sex?”
“No, have you even listened to what I’ve told you just now?”
Kame is looking tired and hopeless, his eyes are sad and all the butterflies are dead.
“Maybe, you just haven’t tried yet?”
“I have.”
“And?”
“That’s was …”
“That was the wrong person, Kame, because I love you and you love me and everything will be different, I promise you.”
Jin feels like all the beautiful dreams are disappearing without even a chance to become reality, it sounds like the sad ending of one of the saddest soap operas, Jin doesn’t care, he will heal Kame, he will do everything right.
“I don’t’ think so, Jin. I don’t need to be healed Jin, I’m who I am. I’m sorry if this is so hard for you, I thought it will be fairer for you to know and I …”
He is disappointed. In Jin. He doesn’t need to say it aloud, because Jin can understand sometimes very well, maybe because this is Kame, who should be like a part of his soul, but the reality hits Jin too hard, making a wall between them, a wall of misunderstanding.
Jin is not mature enough to deal with things like this, he wants to love, like all the people around love each other, holding hands, kissing, sharing dinner, watching movies, having sex. He wants Kame and if Kame never feels the same, maybe he made a mistake, maybe it’s not really love.
Jin is depressed and avoids Kame, because after all the heavy despair another thought comes along. He feels guilty; but he has no idea how to deal with it.
Kame is asexual and Jin’s heart is broken.
*
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Jin really doesn’t need it, her judging eyes looking at him from head to toe like he did something really bad. He did, he knows it and Kame avoiding him is the proof of it.
“You don’t know anything!”
Jin said it grumpily, because he is not in the mood for opening his heart, not for her to see, because he loves Kame with all his heart, but… he just doesn’t know how to deal with it.
“Oh, yes, of course, because you are the only person in the whole Universe who is running from things that you with your little brain just don’t understand.”
Her voice is always so sarcastic but only when she talks with Jin, with Kame it's different, she must hate him, and now Kame hates him and maybe they have a reason for it after all.
“I’m not running, I just…”
He is. Running. Definitely.
“Just talk with him, don’t make him suffer, he loves you and I don’t really understand the reason why.”
Her voice is not sarcastic anymore and Jin understands that Kame is important for her too.
*
Meisa is sitting on the couch with Kame’s head on her lap, just playing with his soft brown locks and looking at the deep line between his furrowed eyebrows. Jin watches them, trying to understand what is going on in his heart, in his head.
Why Meisa is touching Kame and looking at him so tenderly, absolutely not noticing Jin, who is standing quietly near the entrance. Some ballad is playing on the TV, maybe the new PV of one of those boybands and full of glitter.
Jin is looking at them and thinks about the doorplate with red letters, and it hits him. He doesn’t want to lose Kame, because without Kame he feels lonely and incomplete, like part of his soul has torn apart again. He wants Kame back.
*
“I want to be with you, but …”
Jin swallows, because he knows that if he will say it aloud, it will sound like a line from the stupid soap opera that Meisa watches every evening. Kame doesn’t need it, he understands and his warm fingertips trail some patterns that only Kame knows on Jin’s cheek.
“I know and I’m here, I will help you.”
Jin trusts Kame, maybe even more than he trusts himself, maybe because Kame is looking so solid and serious, like Jin’s fate is in his little hands now, or maybe his eyes are full of this gentle shine and now Jin feels complete. Again.
The days change from one to another, and Kame makes things happen just as he promised, he tries to help Jin. He wants Jin to understand that the fact that he doesn’t want to make their relationships go to the next physical level doesn’t mean anything bad at all, or that Kame doesn’t love him. Not at all. Kame just doesn’t need it, it's not like he is ok with it either, but he can hardly change himself. He was born like this and the better way to deal with himself is trying to accept it, but for Jin, because of the love between them, he will try, he promises.
Kame loves his hair, and his eyes, he tells him, while gently touching his features and falling asleep while embracing Jin, his hands in Jin's.
They try, with every new day they both try to make it work, because they love each other, because it’s important.
Meisa starts looking at Jin differently, maybe accepting him as a new friend and Jin feels happy, because from the first day, when he pushed the door with the red letters open, he wants to be a part of their world.
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The first thing that pops into his mind is Kame’s disappointed face, because of course what he did, what they did last night, it can’t be forgiven, not after all the words about Kame being the lost half of his soul, that sounds more like a crappy lie after the drunken night that he spent with Meisa, after waking up naked in her bed.
Kame left to visit his parents’ just a week ago and this is what Jin does? Has sex with Kame’s friend? He feels like running away, but he sits in the safety of his room, a room that has a different color on the walls, and thinks that maybe it’s possible to pretend that nothing happened?
*
“Nothing happened.”
Jin freezzes with a mug of coffee in his hands, looking at Meisa with big eyes.
“What?”
She shrugs.
“No, really, we just had sex and that’s all. Why are you acting like I will ask you to marry me or take responsibility?”
And she will not? It’s good that Jin doesn't say it aloud, but Meisa rolls her eyes, reading straight through his thoughts.
“Just relax. I must go, final exams are soon, it's better to think about graduation and not our wonderful night together.”
Always too sarcastic for Jin’s liking.
*
The day of the graduation is close and Jin feels like another page of his life will be turning, he has no idea how he will live, what job he will find, but he knows that the last few years in this small apartment in the male dorm, living with Kame and Meisa have been the happiest in his life. He has found a love that filled his heart with all the deep emotions and words that are so difficult to voice, and he found friends, because Kame also became his best friend.
Over the years he also become attached to Meisa, despite all her sarcastic remarks, jokes and her independent image, Jin understands very clearly, that she is a loner. She only let Kame inside this invisible circle that she created around herself. Kame and sometimes Jin, but only very rarely.
He can’t remember any of her boyfriends, any love stories, no one else. Nothing. Maybe she shares with Kame sometimes, in his room, where she sits close to him, feeling the need to touch him, being close to him, sometimes squish him. Nothing more than that.
He knows that he made a mistake and he realizes that maybe all Meisa’s words were just a façade, and she is just as scared to lose Kame, just the same way he is.
As he approaches the brown door with their doorplate on it, he feels these disgusting feelings that slowly spread inside him: fear and worry that all the happy days they have will come to an end, because of one drunken night.
*
Kame returns with a smile and omiyage that he has bought for Jin and Meisa. He says that he missed Jin, missed him so much and he kisses his lips, and Jin feels like dying.
He looks at Meisa and he doesn’t like her blank face, because during these years he understands one thing about her, and he's afraid what she could do, could say can finish everything they have.
“We slept with each other. Just sex, nothing more. You know what I mean.”
And so she did it, just a few minutes later, when Kame has only just opened their door and come home; she ruins his life, just like this.
Jin looks at his feet in fluffy slippers that Kame bought him for Christmas.
Silence and afterwards the sound of footsteps and closing doors. Deep breaths and Meisa sits silently on the couch.
Is this the end?
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“We are graduating so soon.”
He says with a sigh, and Jin holds his breath.
“I wonder what we will do after.” Kame sounds thoughtful.
“I don’t want to even think about it.
There is no sarcasm in her voice, maybe because it’s Kame who she is talking with.
Jin has no desire to think about it either; the present is uncertain enough that he doesn't want to looks so far away as the near future.
*
“It’s ok, Jin. It’s ok”
Jin doesn’t believe the words even if they are in Kame’s voice.
“It’s not.’
“Jin, we can’t change the past and I know that it’s my fault also.”
This is exactly what Jin fears the most; Kame shouldn’t feel guilty, not at all, just never.
“I love you.”
Jin hopes his words sound as loud as the feelings inside his chest, but Kame’s smile is sad.
“I know.”
*
Awkwardness, never before has Jin felt it so sharp, like it’s flying in the air, restricting his every step, not letting any word leave his throat. He has no idea how to deal with this suffocating feeling. Jin is lost.
*
It seems like deja-vu, the picture that he sees when he enters the apartment and stands there for few minutes absolutely unnoticed.
Meisa is sitting on the couch, with Kame’s head on her lap. She is playing with his brown locks and calling him Kazuya, they are talking about walls, and about the color, because blue is annoying already and it’s better to find something else. The new apartment has big windows, so they can even buy curtains. Maybe with flowers? No, never, Kame finds them absolutely tasteless.
Jin freezes, thinking again about the doorplate and the red letters, and feels like he is falling and he doesn’t like that at all.
“New apartment?”
They are both looking at him now.
“Yes. We found one already and now we are talking about the rent.”
Kame is still lying on the couch, with her fingers combing through his hair.
“Graduation is soon and we should think about the future, you know? We can’t stay here forever.”
Why? He wants to say it loud, but doesn’t. Meisa just rolls her eyes; maybe Jin is really very easy to read. Listening to her sarcastic joke and Kame’s laugh, he can think only about one thing: everything is ok, like it used to be. Almost.
“Jin, will you share the rent with us? Have you found a job already or not yet?”
Kame’s eyes are shining with tenderness, and Jin doesn’t need time to think before he answers, not for something unnecessary and stupid like this.
“Yes.”
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Like a melody in his head.
His life is doomed and he has nothing to say against it.
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Jin takes the doorplate with red letter with himself; Meisa finds it stupid and Kame stays silent, because after all Kame knows him the best and Jin feels grateful for this comforting silence.
Now it isn’t Kame and Meisa's world where Jin is an intruder, now they share it. Jin wants to believe that.
Meeting Kame turned all his world upside and down, because he hadn’t known before that people could be this close, that isn’t just love, that is something else, beyond clichéd words, maybe his friends from high-school would not understand this relationships and maybe Jin from the past would have been puzzled himself, but after the terrifying moment when he felt that he could lose Kame forever, he realized how important and complete he feels with Kame.
The situation with Meisa is confusing, but it seems that only for Jin, because he doesn’t know how to act sometimes, like nothing happened at all or maybe it's absolutely ok to have sex and just not talk about it. She never pays much attention to Jin, they are living together, joking, talking, having fun, painting the wall, trying different colors, because it’s so difficult to find the right one, but they are not talking about that night.
Kame is silent. He said everything is ok and Jin wants to believe him, but still everything is too confusing for his liking and sometimes Jin feels like bursting. It’s not a familiar feeling for him.
At a Christmas party, Kame gives Meisa a red glittering box with a black latex collar inside, they laughs together and Jin has the strange feeling, maybe intuition from the looks they give him, that the collar is for him, so what does that mean? That Kame is ok with everything? Like, really ok?
*
“I am.”
Jin can’t find the words to show how surprised he is, after hearing Kame’s answer.
“You don’t love me anymore?”
Jin feels pathetic, but even thinking of that as a possibility makes him feel so desperate...
Kame smiles, taking Jin’s hand and sitting close to him on the new couch.
“Of course I love you. It’s just for me love has nothing to do with sex. And it's the same for Meisa.”
Kame looks into Jin’s eyes, like he is trying to make him understand and believe, but Jin finds it difficult. In the beginning.
And it seems like Meisa is not so eager for a repeat of that experience anyway, she has a date with someone from her new work, some book's illustrator who is tall and can talk Spanish.
*
“I’m pregnant”
Her voice is not even trembling, though her eyes are wide. She looks really strange, like she still can’t believe herself but at the same time she knows that it’s true.
Jin is speechless. Kame's hand tenses on Jin’s lap.
“I don’t need this now. I don’t need it now and I don't need it ever. I don’t want this.”
She is blabbering and Jin has so many words that he should say, because of all his feelings, but everything is so messed up in his head, that he clearly needs time to understand himself what he feels and how to act and what to ask.
“Are you sure?”
Kame asks calmly, Jin hasn’t even noticed how he stands up and goes for a glass of water to give it to Meisa, because her face is too pale.
She is looking hopelessly at Kame, like asking for help, Jin feels like running away, he just needs time.
“I don’t know myself.”
This is pretty much how they both feel, even if it's Meisa who voices her thoughts.
*
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She is on her third month, which means he is a father.
Jin is not in love with Meisa, not at all, but he still cares about her, just because. Jin can’t think about it for too long, because it's always hard and sometimes painful. Trying to come up with the right decision and thinking about every possible way it could go wrong makes his head hurt and plunge into someplace dark and desperate, so Jin decides it’s better act as he does all the time, as he feels he should act and think about everything later.
*
“No! No!”
She looks at him, like Jin is out of his mind.
He wants to ask why, because his proposition is the most relevant in this situation, but she is looking at him with her dark eyes and this unreadable expression, when he understands that he needs Kame’s help.
Yes, Kame, he should think about Kame’s feelings too. Why is his life sometimes so complicated and messed up that he can’t figure out how to fix things?
“I don’t need this child, I don’t know what to do with it, and I want my life back!”
“You hate me that much?”
Jin can’t understand her, he doesn’t even try, he will be here, helping, and lending a hand and she should keep the child. That what is right. That what Jin feels like is right.
“I do not hate you; this is not about you at all.”
“So you hate the child?”
‘No!”
She is almost screaming at him, but Jin can’t understand, because she is not talking to him, not telling him what really bothers her and he can’t read minds, maybe Kame can, but not Jin.
*
“She is scared, but she's thought before about having a child. Maybe not so soon, but she's always wanted one.”
The windows are open and the wind is blowing softly, Kame's voice sounds scratchy, because he's trying not to disturb Meisa, who slammed her door asking Jin to go kill himself.
“And you?”
Kame raises an eyebrow.
“What about me?”
He knows perfectly what Jin is asking about, but still thinks it’s time for a joke? Again, when Jin feels like he could lose everything, Kame is there, so close and so calm. There's no need for drama when they can talk about anything.
“Do you want a child? I mean have you ever thought about it? Are you ok with it?”
“I want Meisa to be happy and no matter what she decides, I will accept it.”
Yes, Kame is right, but he needs to talk with Meisa before, because right now Jin feels as if for his own happiness he needs this child. Maybe before it wasn’t important before, and he rarely thought about kids, and living with Kame he'd almost come to accept the fact that he doesn’t need anyone else. But something has changed and Jin can't pretend that it hasn’t. It’s real, and Jin likes the idea.
*
“Let’s talk.”
“What about?”
She is looking paler, maybe she's having problems sleeping, or thinking too much, Jin just wants to be clear and tell her how he feels.
“I’m sure everything will be ok. If it’s important for you I will marry you.”
She looks thinner and tired.
“No, Jin. You are always in your own little world.”
She chuckles, but it doesn't sound amusing at all. And here Jin thinks it’s actually them who are always living in a world of their own.
“Why?”
“Jin, you are a nice guy, but no, I don’t want to even think about the wedding.”
Jin sighs.
“You love Kame, right?”
“This is not about love Jin, not everything in this world is about love. This is about my feelings.”
She is desperate, because he is not Kame, because he doesn’t know anything, because he can’t understand her with just half-words.
“So how do you feel?”
Meisa covers her eyes with trembling hands.
He wants to say that it’s ok to cry if it hurts so much, but her eyes are dry and the words are stuck in his throat. Somehow, he doubts she needs them.
Jin doesn’t hear a word, because she is not speaking.
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“I’m so scared, I'm absolutely terrified.”
Her voice doesn’t match her words at all.
“Why?”
“I doubt I can ever be a good mother or something like that, you know me, you know me so well. Will any child feel happy with a mother like me?”
“What is wrong with you? You are talking nonsense!”
“I feel like the whole world I created for myself is falling down around me, wall by wall, they are all falling on my head and I can’t find the way out.”
This is exactly how Jin's been feeling, he's just met some difficulties trying to come up with a suitable description.
“There is the way out. You are not alone here. Your child will love you no matter what and so will you, because it’s different, it has nothing to do with romantic attraction, because being a mother is more, more that love and anything.”
She is smiling now.
“And where are you finding all this words all the time?”
“Now it’s your turn to find the smart words to explain everything to Jin, because he feels depressed and confused.”
“It seems to me he always feels depressed and confused.”
Jin is not, sometimes he feels that the three of them are living in different dimensions, because Jin is very cheerful person, ok, not all the time, and maybe this is all their fault for always giving him a headache.
“Explain what?”
Now they are looking at him and Jin is ready for a long talk.
*
Jin is confused and depressed, because Meisa doesn’t love him and doesn’t love Kame, not in the way he thinks she does. This is confusing, but makes sense after all the time they spent together.
She has nothing against the child, and nothing against Jin, she is scared and confused, the same as Jin.
And how are they going to fix all this mess? Jin is asking for help, taking Kame’s hand and asking him to help him understand, because he doesn’t want to lose what he has now and what he could have.
Jin will be here, he will do anything, help, support, hide, not be annoying and if one day she decides that she is tired of his face, that’s ok too. Or not really, but what else can he do?
“She will not.”
Kame is smiling even in this situation that seems almost catastrophic to Jin.
“She likes you in her own way, maybe not from the beginning, but I’m sure she does.”
Jin believes Kame, because it makes him breath easier, and means they still have hope.
Jin will be a father soon and Kame will be with him, by his side. Jin has nothing to worry about.
For now.
*
When Jin looks at Meisa with a little child in her hands, he understands so well these simple things that were hidden from his eyes before. She is strong, she is a loner, but not strong enough to be alone, no matter how different the feelings in her chest are and how different she looks at some things, she still needs warmth and understanding.
She finds it in Kame, because maybe Kame is like this, he can listen and can understand and Jin sometimes needs more time for that.
The walls in their daughter’s bedroom are blue, because this is the color of the sky and hope.
Once, a lot of years ago, he pushed a door with a doorplate on it, those red letters are so bright in his memory even now, a lot has happened since, and they've gone through different times and experiences. He has no idea what people think when they look at their relationship and he doesn’t really care. The most important people for him are here, behind the door to this apartment that became his sweet home. And the doorplate with red letters is still here. Because this is his world now, and there's no way in hell he's going to let anyone to ruin that.
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honestly when I read the prompt, I thought this was just a troll thinking about this and if anyone actually writes this it will be utter crack and pretty much anti-Kame. But you proved me wrong and I'm happy about that. <3
This is really beautiful and probably the only fic in which I don't mind Meisa that much. I also love your writing and now I wonder if you're an Akame writer? Because I'd really like to read more from you. ;__;
Very good job! <3
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