Fic: A SECOND OPINION
I wrote this for thursday100plus - the prompt was "Success." It's my rather belated attempt at addressing Alex’s notorious “it’s too late” comment from the end of the season 7 episode “Smile."
Lynn Collins is an original character, another Major Case detective who has had cameo appearances in a couple of my fics. Polanski is her partner.
A SECOND OPINION
By Jeannie MacTavish
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of Universal Studios, NBC and Dick Wolf et al. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not for money. No infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.
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Lynn Collins knows she's being watched. Before transferring to Major Case, she'd spent three years in Organized Crime, infiltrating a series of gambling and prostitution rings. She may be sitting at her desk in the squad room now, not undercover in some skeezy bar, but she hasn't forgotten how it feels to be surreptitiously sized up from a distance in veiled, casual glances that make the back of her neck prickle. She ignores it all afternoon, but once Polanski's gone for the day, she grabs a random case file off her desk for appearances' sake and marches right up to the culprit's desk.
"Goren - can I have a word?"
He blinks up at her as though he can't figure out what she's doing there, which she privately thinks is ridiculous since he's been giving her the hairy eyeball of I might want to recruit you but I'm not sure I can trust you from across the bullpen ever since his partner left right after lunch.
"Uh - sure," he says questioningly.
She gestures towards the conference room, and then heads off that way without waiting to see if he'll follow. He does, of course. She pulls up a chair and drops the file on the table. He reaches for it instinctively, as though he thinks she's got a question about a case. She puts a hand down on top of it, holding it still.
"Goren. What do you want?" He stares at her blankly, and she gives him an exasperated look. "Come on. You've been waiting for a chance to talk to me all afternoon, right? So, here I am. Talk."
He blinks, and then looks sheepish. "I didn't realize I was being - so obvious."
She lifts an eyebrow at him - d-uh - and waits. Goren stares at the table as though the script for what he wants to say might be engraved there, and takes a determined breath.
"Okay. Look, Lynn, I - I need a second opinion."
The use of her first name tells her that he’s probably not looking for a second opinion on a case, if his furtiveness earlier wasn't already a big enough clue. And why *isn’t* Alex in on this, anyway? Lynn wonders.
"I need to know if you think - do you think partnering with me all these years has held Eames back, professionally?"
Whoa. She sits back slowly.
"Shit, Goren. I should have known it wouldn't be an easy question, coming from you."
He shifts awkwardly in his chair, but holds her gaze, at once stubborn and pleading.
"I need a little more context here," she stalls. And a reason not to feel totally weird about the fact that you’re asking me about your partner - my friend - behind her back. She narrows her eyes at him. “Did Alex get turned down for a promotion or something? I thought she said she wasn't going to go for that sergeant's slot at the One-Five."
"No - no. That's right. She didn't put her name in."
"Then why is this coming up now?"
"It's not just now," he mutters. "I've wondered about it for years. I know what people think of me."
"Seems to me it should only matter what Alex thinks," she says pointedly. He stares at his hands, fidgeting with the file.
"I know what she thinks. Last week - the Lezard case - anyway, I asked her." His voice is soft, strained. "If she worries about being tainted by association. And she said - she said she used to, but it's too late now."
Oh. Well, that sounds about right, Lynn thinks. Kind of harsh though, for Alex. But then she flashes back to the last time the two of them went out for drinks; remembers Alex, staring into her martini, saying God, I’m tired of all the grief and the angst. Is that awful? He’s been having such a hard time for so long - we both have. I know it takes time…but some days I think if I have to say one more reassuring thing - to him or Ross or anyone - I’ll shoot someone.
“You've been with the Department longer than either of us,” Goren is saying. “You pay attention to the politics, what people are saying, the whole - grapevine. Was she right - has she...missed the boat because of me?"
She looks at him for a long moment. Finally she sighs. "Honestly? Yes, I think maybe she has. People used to talk about her maybe being the first in her family to make Captain. Lately? Not so much."
Goren's expression doesn't change, but his eyes flicker away and he leans back in his chair, so carefully casual that he might as well have flinched and gasped. He cares, Lynn realizes. She has always thought him mostly oblivious to the way Alex ends up in his shadow so much; has always disliked him a little for it. Now, she thinks, she may have to revise her assessment. He cares a whole lot.
She feels a stab of pity, and tries to think of something to say that won’t feel like a betrayal of Alex’s confidence.
"It sucks, that's for damn sure,” she finally says deliberately. “But it's not your place to get all guilty about it."
His gaze snaps back to hers. "Why the hell not? It's my fault."
She rolls her eyes. "Oh really? So, what...Alex has no agency here?"
"That's not what I - of course she does.” He pushes jerkily away from the table and stands up, pacing first one way and then the other.
“But...what if she made a choice and regrets it?” he says, his back to her. “What if she's choosing to stick with me just because she thinks she doesn't have any other options anymore?"
"You're missing the point," she says impatiently. "Whatever her reasons are...it's up to her. You don't get to try to - to fix this for her, or whatever it is you think you're doing here."
"I'm not," he starts to protest, but she cuts him off.
"Oh yeah? So why are you talking to me about this, then? 'Cause from where I'm sitting, it sure looks like you're gathering ammunition to have some sort of You're too good for me, you should move on conversation with your partner."
"Well, maybe I am," he says grouchily, fidgeting with the slats on the blinds that shield them from the rest of the bullpen.
"Oh for God's sake, Goren, get over yourself,” she snaps. “That's not what Alex needs from you."
The second she says it, he whips round to face her again, and she has the distinct feeling of being pounced on. Like this is where he wanted the conversation to end up right from the beginning. Which, knowing him, it probably is.
"Okay," he says eagerly, sitting down again, pulling his chair towards hers. "Okay, then tell me what she does need. I just want - I want to do the right thing. For her."
This is how people must feel when he’s interrogating them, she thinks - pinned in place by the intensity of his focus, the sheer bulk of him filling the small room. It’s impressive, and also damned annoying. She sets her jaw, refusing to squirm like some nervous witness.
“Goren. Alex is my friend - I’m not going to talk about her behind her back.”
At that, he looks contrite. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m putting you in an awkward position. I just - I’m worried about her. Aren’t you?”
And that’s a low blow - because, of course, she is, and has been for a long time. “Yeah,” she admits. Then, irritably, “You manipulative bastard.”
He blinks, absorbing the hit, and then his lip twitches in the ghost of a smile. “Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.” She swallows back her own reluctant grin, and lets out a breath. “She’ll kick both our asses if she finds out we discussed this - you know that, right?”
“Yeah.” He waits.
"Look,” she says at last, slowly. “You know Alex. She’s not in it for the flashy title and the gold bars. What's important to her is…doing the job. Solving the cases. Putting the perps away. And in case you hadn't noticed, the two of you are pretty damn good at that. So I think she's looked at her options, and decided that sticking with you is the best way to keep doing what matters to her."
He sighs. “That does sound like something she would say.”
He scrubs a hand over his face, and she feels that stab of pity again at how tired he looks.
"I just - I feel like she's unhappy,” he says through his fingers. “Angry - at me, maybe, or something else…I don’t know, and I’m not sure how to fix it.”
“I don’t think that’s up to you,” she reminds him gently. His lip quirks up ruefully.
“Right. Not my place - was that how you put it?”
“Nice to know you were listening.”
“Mmm. You were right, anyway. I’ve - tried to have the career conversation with her before, and it…never ends well.” His eyes go distant with memory, but he’s still smiling a little. “She calls me a self-absorbed jerk, accuses me of not trusting her to make her own decisions, yells at me about my martyr complex and, well…”
He waves his hands, and she chuckles in spite of herself. So there’s a sense of humour under all the angst. Maybe there’s hope after all.
“It’ll be okay,” she says impulsively. “With time. Things will get better.”
“I hope so.” He turns serious again. “Is there - do you think there’s anything I can do that would help?”
“Maybe. You won’t like it, though.”
He lifts his chin. “Go on.”
She looks him straight in the eye. “Stop feeling guilty. Concentrate on getting your shit together. Find a way to move on from all the bad that's been thrown at you. Give Alex a chance to do the same without feeling like she has to - to carry you or run interference for you at the same time.”
He flinches a little, at that. You asked for it, she thinks. She stands up, ready to leave him with his thoughts. She’s at the door when his voice stops her.
“You’ve been wanting to say that to me for a long time, haven’t you?”
He doesn’t sound accusing or hurt, just…interested. In that very particular Goren way that makes the back of her neck prickle all over again.
“Yeah, maybe,” she tells him. “So?”
“Thanks,” he says absently, still contemplating her as though he's never seen her before.
She shakes her head at him and backs out the door. “Don’t look at me like that - go take some perp’s brain apart instead.”
He shakes his head slightly, coming out of his trance, and grins suddenly. “Yes ma’am.”
THE END
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Author’s Note the Second: I’ve been wanting to write some kind of response to That Scene since I first saw “Smile”, but my initial attempts foundered because I felt like I had already written Bobby and Alex having the conversation I thought they needed to have... (in Equilibrium, if anyone’s interested). I couldn’t figure out a way to approach it that didn’t feel redundant to me - until I made it a conversation between Goren and someone else. Kind of a departure for me…I hope it’s interesting to others! Feedback is, as always, very welcome.