love is a battlefield.
this time it isn't something that we can logic to death to make it somehow more tolerable;
no amount of excuses and acknowledgement of wrong-doings can make it easier, or lighter in the hammock of the heart. the sludge of bulshit has been mucked, and we see all that has been uncovered and revealed. Doubt is now truth, and trust seems like a far distant land invented in dreaming.
...and among it all, like a supernatural enigma, love still exists.
you are infected with a sickness that I no longer can condone or be at risk to be affected by.
you have the power to become well, and I am powerless; at the mercy of a snake oil that steals you from me time and time again, exhausting me to the very limits of my humanity. When I am placed all alone in the dark places of my mind, the lines are blurred until I do not know the difference between my Dr. Jekyll, and the diseased Monster that lurks within you.
It was placed in my hands, these weighted decisions of forgiveness.
But, ultimately it has every direct bearing on you.
Its now a decision of wether you want to become well or not.
After all that we have been through, I am willing to do everything in my power to help you stay well.
Though, I am not willing to put myself back into the degrading and debasing place of where I have spent so many years, and where I survived through much pain.
I will not compete with a disease that honors no one, and only exists to destroy.
I will not compromise or put in danger my sanity, my strength, my self-respect, or my body.
Here I am at my last stand.
Either you stand with me, or you stand against me.
no amount of excuses and acknowledgement of wrong-doings can make it easier, or lighter in the hammock of the heart. the sludge of bulshit has been mucked, and we see all that has been uncovered and revealed. Doubt is now truth, and trust seems like a far distant land invented in dreaming.
...and among it all, like a supernatural enigma, love still exists.
you are infected with a sickness that I no longer can condone or be at risk to be affected by.
you have the power to become well, and I am powerless; at the mercy of a snake oil that steals you from me time and time again, exhausting me to the very limits of my humanity. When I am placed all alone in the dark places of my mind, the lines are blurred until I do not know the difference between my Dr. Jekyll, and the diseased Monster that lurks within you.
It was placed in my hands, these weighted decisions of forgiveness.
But, ultimately it has every direct bearing on you.
Its now a decision of wether you want to become well or not.
After all that we have been through, I am willing to do everything in my power to help you stay well.
Though, I am not willing to put myself back into the degrading and debasing place of where I have spent so many years, and where I survived through much pain.
I will not compete with a disease that honors no one, and only exists to destroy.
I will not compromise or put in danger my sanity, my strength, my self-respect, or my body.
Here I am at my last stand.
Either you stand with me, or you stand against me.