The song has ended, but the melody lingers on.
It's been forever since I've updated in this thing. I'll have to break everything down that's been significant in my life. It's over. for a reason that i don't and probably never will understand. for something that lies just beyond my fingertips because of paranoid suspicions and the crazy notions that the conscious mind dream up. However, the reasons aren't the point. The death blow is that it's over. four long years. blood sweat and tears. all of it. done. ended. gone. buried. dead. whatever word you want to use. i'm still in shock really. I thought of it as a constant. I never thought I'd see the day. but i was wrong. I have to re-learn how to focus on doing just me. It'll be hard not to tell you i love you all the time. or want to hold your hand or cuddle you. but that's the path that's been laid out before me. and that's the one I guess I'm going to follow. I'm really going to miss you. I love you. very much.
In other news, my dad called the other day to tell me of my great grandmothers funeral. he didn't ask anything about me or how i was doing. he didn't ask to speak to me or care to know if i was even there or not. I guess from what i was told he really wants nothing to do with me. alright. I've dealt with that once before from a father figure, I can do it again. fuck that.
February 19th, I go to a meeting for pre-gaming nursing school. I want to pave the road to that in my future soon so hopefully I can be a registered nurse before I'm 25. I don't want to be a doctor though. I want to help people hands on, you know? get to really know the people. to really save them. I've been saving at least $100 dollars from every check, and i figure by june or july ill have close to $2000. After that I want to start apartment searching. I don't care if I move out with someone else or by myself really. I just want a change of scenery. misery will be my motivation.
winterfest was this weekend, although i didn't go. It was nice out at least. It's about 4am now, so I think I'm going to give it twenty minutes and then smoke a bowl to the head. safety and peace yo.
In other news, my dad called the other day to tell me of my great grandmothers funeral. he didn't ask anything about me or how i was doing. he didn't ask to speak to me or care to know if i was even there or not. I guess from what i was told he really wants nothing to do with me. alright. I've dealt with that once before from a father figure, I can do it again. fuck that.
February 19th, I go to a meeting for pre-gaming nursing school. I want to pave the road to that in my future soon so hopefully I can be a registered nurse before I'm 25. I don't want to be a doctor though. I want to help people hands on, you know? get to really know the people. to really save them. I've been saving at least $100 dollars from every check, and i figure by june or july ill have close to $2000. After that I want to start apartment searching. I don't care if I move out with someone else or by myself really. I just want a change of scenery. misery will be my motivation.
winterfest was this weekend, although i didn't go. It was nice out at least. It's about 4am now, so I think I'm going to give it twenty minutes and then smoke a bowl to the head. safety and peace yo.