(no subject)
Breathless by the conclusion of my rapid-fire recitation of single-gal "wins" in the month since my last appointment, I smile brightly at my psychiatrist: "I really feel great."
She shakes her head incredulously, though I don't detect the slightest bit of suspicion. "That's fantastic, Katy. I'm so happy you're doing so well. You know, if you continue to look this radiant, you'll have a boyfriend in no time!"
I blush and thank her, affirming that I absolutely believe I'm on a good path, that things are falling into place. It doesn't seem necessary to tell her that with two jobs, a new house, graduate school, a darling new puppy who loves long walks and sunshine almost as much as I suddenly do, and a litany of lost time to make up for, my schedule isn't really conducive to a relationship. Or that I don't appreciate her projecting idealized traditional values of partnership and domesticity on to me, as if my whole quest to get my self right has been solely in preparation for an elusive He-Who-May-Someday-Deem-Me-Worthy. Or that now in my Feminist Renaissance I have no plans of replacing "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" parlor-art with some contrived canvas declaration of the "Home is wherever I'm with you<3" camp. Or that boyfriends - bless their four souls - have so far proven themselves to be an alchemistic nightmare, given the horrific cataclysms resulting from each dalliance with my romantic ~chemistry. Or that based on my previous experience as Girlfriend, I've decided it might not be the role for me, thank you, but perhaps I have a shot at a different one...one that had gone largely unexplored during the previous decade of my adult life.
Nah, there's no need to correct her. Obviously a sharp and articulate woman (she is a doctor, for Christ's sakes) she clearly didn't mean any offense with her statement, undermining my goals or minimizing the success I had already found as if the Ultimate Payoff was still ahead. She called me radiant, and that was kind and lovely and it made me smile that much more. I left my appointment still smiling, and evidently, haven't stopped.
It's good to look radiant. It's even better to feel it.
She shakes her head incredulously, though I don't detect the slightest bit of suspicion. "That's fantastic, Katy. I'm so happy you're doing so well. You know, if you continue to look this radiant, you'll have a boyfriend in no time!"
I blush and thank her, affirming that I absolutely believe I'm on a good path, that things are falling into place. It doesn't seem necessary to tell her that with two jobs, a new house, graduate school, a darling new puppy who loves long walks and sunshine almost as much as I suddenly do, and a litany of lost time to make up for, my schedule isn't really conducive to a relationship. Or that I don't appreciate her projecting idealized traditional values of partnership and domesticity on to me, as if my whole quest to get my self right has been solely in preparation for an elusive He-Who-May-Someday-Deem-Me-Worthy. Or that now in my Feminist Renaissance I have no plans of replacing "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" parlor-art with some contrived canvas declaration of the "Home is wherever I'm with you<3" camp. Or that boyfriends - bless their four souls - have so far proven themselves to be an alchemistic nightmare, given the horrific cataclysms resulting from each dalliance with my romantic ~chemistry. Or that based on my previous experience as Girlfriend, I've decided it might not be the role for me, thank you, but perhaps I have a shot at a different one...one that had gone largely unexplored during the previous decade of my adult life.
Nah, there's no need to correct her. Obviously a sharp and articulate woman (she is a doctor, for Christ's sakes) she clearly didn't mean any offense with her statement, undermining my goals or minimizing the success I had already found as if the Ultimate Payoff was still ahead. She called me radiant, and that was kind and lovely and it made me smile that much more. I left my appointment still smiling, and evidently, haven't stopped.
It's good to look radiant. It's even better to feel it.